pocd is just ruining me

i hate pocd so much :( i feel like i’m a p*** but i’m not and these intrusive thoughts are killing me so much i don’t know how else to think about myself i just feel like why did God make me this way why couldn’t i have had a normal mind i feel sick because i had to spend like an evening with my cousins and my nieces and i felt fine during that and i wasn’t having any intrusive thoughts until like it clicked in my head then i had intrusive thoughts it was the worst because like one of my neices was trying to hug me but i kept pushing her away and i felt horrible but i didn’t feel comfortable i think today was just a pocd episode and yesterday too because i kept like thinking and researching so much and i kept questioning like what was the difference between them p*** who don’t act up on their thoughts and also like they feel horrible about their thoughts too so what was the difference between pocd like do they just have undiagnosed pocd ? idk it kind of sent me to overdrive and i kept questioning myself

0CDeez

Date posted: 39w

Hey, I've been through similar experiences and I just wanted to say, it does get better. I would recommend making sure to get setup with an OCD therapist, and also practice mindfulness if you can, as cringey as it might sound, it does help. The thing is, although there's p's who don't act on their thoughts, the symptoms they face vs. what you're describing is a different world that neither of us are going to experience, as much as we might believe or feel like we are at times. There aren't any doubts, remorse, or second thoughts with that type of stuff, even if they hate it. It is a very specific type of disorder, and is ego syntonic. I'd advise focusing on healing from the OCD instead of diving into the possibilities and what ifs. Just on what you've posted there is waaaaaay way way way way more likelihood that you're struggling with OCD and you 110% can and will heal from it if you stay committed. Nothing has to happen all at once. The fear will still linger so please try to avoid fixing it through compulsions. OCD recovery is a spread out game. You've got this. Pls let me know if this helps!

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 39w

@0CDeez hii, thank you for explaining the difference i understand it abit better than i was before because my head was going to different places and just overthinking literally everything and i was trying to research different things, it’s probably ocd trying to get the best out of me lol , anyways i am trying to heal from the OCD i have referred myself to a mental health company and i’ve told them all the symptoms i’m experiencing except for pocd and other sexual ocd themes because i felt like when i was talking to them about my issues it felt very judgy and i wasn’t able to express everything but they did recommend cbt which i am going to try to go to and get the best out of it but when they contact me again i feel like i need to ask them whether they do erp since it’s the most effective with OCD and i feel like i’d be more open in telling them about the sexual ocd themes i’ve been experiencing

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 39w

@0CDeez this did help me a lot tbh i feel like i better understand and i feel a lot better than before , i’ll try to practice mindfulness on my own but how would i be able to practice this like what would you recommend to do as baby steps into healing?

0CDeez

Date posted: 39w

@polarbearxo1 Totally get it with struggling to open up, been there. In my experience the professionals I've opened up to have been empathetic and healing, but it's still scary none the less. I would recommend starting with an app. Inward on Steam is great, ik on Playstore there's Calm and a few other apps. YouTube also has some great white noise. I'd say, for baby steps into healing, defs start with that. Deep diving into exposures without a guide or therapist is risky bizz, but you can definitely learn to sit with the thoughts, or acknowledge then and observe how your brain processes them. And remember to hear out the part of you that says "nah fam I ain't into this lmao" vs what the OCD tells you, without shoving it away. You've got this!!

lissamls

Date posted: 39w

i understand you, it's a horrible feeling and it's so sad. i hope you're better now, i recommend you don't question your thoughts, it can make you more anxious ♡ (sorry if there is any mistake, i'm using a translator)

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 39w

@lissamls hi , you are so sweet thank you so much ! and no you haven’t made any mistakes all the things you have said were perfect , i’m going to try and not question the thoughts because it does make it worse for me thank you so much !

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Pocd

Im having weird scary pocd thoughts and i really hate them, i feel like theyre my own thoughts and im freaking out

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w

Hurting so deeply

I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.

POCD

TurbulentSaq112

Date posted: 20w

POCD without guilt or shame

I am 15 years old and my POCD feels like its not POCD, i feel like i like my intrusive thoughts, but i have more intrusive thoughts about having intrusive thoughts, and i feel like i cant enjoy the things i normally enjoy anymore, like calling with my girlfriend and joking with her because this is still in the back of my mind, its making me question morals and if i ever even viewed P as completely wrong and i hate this so much, i love my nieces and nephews and when they're over i know id never do anything with my intrusive thoughts but when they arent present i feel like i like my thoughts. Before this i was dealing with HOCD and ROCD and i wish i could go back to that

POCD

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pocd is just ruining me

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