Coming out videos did not affect me

I have HOCD, as female who identified as straight until before hocd hit me. Now if I state my orientation it would be a compulsion. I keep watching wlw, lesbians scenes, bisexual women dating reels, and stuff, and it scares me. I do that for erp and whenever I see it I become very sad. Like some problem to be solved, like something that won't let me be happy at all. I focus on the anxiety, but it's so hard to not get involved in the compulsions, most of the times I have absolute control, other times I fall weak . I have periods where I don't have those thoughts about women and it feels so liberating, so safe to be in my own skin. OCD makes me doubt everything and I wish to depart from this body and mind and inhabit another, with a clearer mindset, a clear non ocd brain. I hate this. I have read so much about my disease, did my research by reading books by well known coaches in the ocd community, and there are times I still wonder if it is ocd. The therapist I went to was actually horrible and she told me it was not ocd, and I should try to be straight and that women kissing was just something born out of curiosity and lack of options. How primitive. She also said that I didn't think like a lesbian/ gay because she "knew what the lesbians and gays were going through when they came to her". I was better off not going to her. I wonder at times if I act on groinals with no consequent shame, It would mean that I enjoy it. However from the first day of research I had concluded that groinals mean nothing. Loved watching wlw as much as bls, but had never associated myself with it. My next fear is being around someone who is experimenting and I keep having thoughts like maybe I would love to experiment and what if I ended up liking it? It's so tiring. What words, and things did you try as erp ? Also how advisable is it to interact with the thoughts beyond "maybe yes maybe no"? Please do share if you have some advice on this part :)

I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?

I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!