Narcissistic mom

Listen, I totally get it. It’s hard to hear a loved one obsessing over small, insignificant things. My mom tries to be supportive, but she gets so mad when I tell her what’s on my mind, and she just yells at me and says I’m crazy for thinking like this. So, I just sent her this, and I hope it helps: Mom, I know it’s really hard, but when I’m suffering with OCD thoughts, all I need is sympathy. Getting mad at someone for having OCD is like getting mad at someone for having a head injury. Please understand that I can’t help it, or else I would stop it. I need someone to say, “I’m so sorry that’s bothering you this much. It must be so overwhelming. It must be so hard to cope with this.” You could even ask me questions, like “What does it feel like? How much are you thinking about this? What helps you feel better?” I just need someone to validate my experience and sympathize, not tell me that I’m crazy or say my problems aren’t real. I’m aware these thoughts are crazy — that’s why I feel so alone and sad and scared. When you tell me my thoughts are crazy, it makes me feel even more like a freak. Sometimes, I just need someone to hold my hand and tell me I’m not alone.

I had like a really bad argument with my mom basically about her complaining about my “attitude” and “constant arrogance” like okay firstly 😭 yes i do have an attitude and am irritable but im not THAT bad 😭🙏 she was saying that im a “pest” and that “its not enjoyable to live with someone who makes other people miserable” like 😅🧍‍♀️ oh ☺️ and then i tell her that i know im struggling and that im going to therapy to try to get better and trying to possibly get a diagnosis and she says “your generation just wants something to deal with. You want something to be wrong with you. ‘Trying to get better’ isn’t good enough… would you be able to stand someone like yourself? You’re just choosing this antisocial, narcissistic behaviour and harass everyone… You need to pull yourself together. No matter how much effort we put into you, you will never be happy. You want some medicine? Some diagnosis? Because that will solve everything?” 😭😭😭 and the way she said “some medication”- she sounded so disgusted and appalled and now i feel ashamed… i mean im not officially diagnosed with ocd and it is never my intention to self diagnose- but im sorry its VERY obvious when you have ocd and know of ocd- its so distinct. Everything- the compulsions, reassurance, intrusive thoughts, themes, patterns, perfectionism- but she has me overthinking- what if i dont have ocd 😭 and ive just been lying to myself and everyone maybe its not ocd and im just sick in the head or trying to self sabotage- and especially when my supposed ocd is calm or not as loud i get so anxious “what if i dont have ocd…”

I feel super sad and depressed i'm tired of feeling so scared it's really changing me. My mom is a pretty difficult person she's a borderline narcissist. Over the years our relationship has changed a lot and recently i've been pretty hard on her because i feel so angry that she's not able to support me mentally in the ways that i need. I see now that she's mentally ill herself and i should be nicer and more understanding. she doesn't know better and she's trying her best. she was just a girl once and i feel bad that i said she lacks a motherly instinct. i love her a lot and i love seeing her laugh and be herself. she's super beautiful and unique and she deserved so much more out of life. I think my ocd makes me super angry towards the people in my life because i know i deserve the love i give. I would be so willing to have a really deep loving conversation with the people close to me yet i get such surface level support.