I get sad when I think about my OCD

It's like the unwelcome presence that instantly ruins the mood, and especially when I leave areas of higher external entropy, my internal entropy increases- all the ruminations which I might not even recognize as a newbie make their way in and I get sad suddenly. Like one moment I was happy with something and I wanted to let it consume me, but instead something else consumes me- the ruminations. I can't think about anything related to my sexual orientation now. Because my brain can't be trusted. There are days where I'm convinced I'm Bi, other days are like "do you even know the first thing about dating women?" Even If I know I don't have it in my capacity to love women in sexual or romantic way, my brain is great at convincing me. It's a crusade against a dark omnipresent force.

alissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w

It takes a lot of intentional mental energy in the beginning to retrain your brain. Keep pushing forward. It’s okay to have these emotions come up, but don’t let them hook you like OCD wants you to. It’s another way OCD is trying to get you to stop messing with its pattern. When you feel sad, try simply acknowledging “I notice I’m feeling sad. I’m going to allow this emotion to be there without doing anything about it”. Let it pass naturally on it’s own. Don’t let OCD assign meaning to it. It’s a paradox. Stop answering OCD’s questions. There’s power in simply saying “I don’t know, and I don’t need to figure this out. I’m going to continue on with my day. No thank you, OCD”. This it tough work, especially in the beginning. But it’s extremely rewarding, and in time your brain will naturally do this on its own most of the time without your effort. OCD is like whack-a-mole, but please don’t let it encourage you to put down the hammer. Keep going.

Darkacademician

Date posted: 35w

Thank you, first of all, for your wonderful response. I felt so happy reading it. I'm practicing mental dialogues like-"I don't need to know how I feel about this girl now, I don't have to check if I like her within 2 seconds", and delaying the response. I read somewhere people recommend waiting for atleast 15 mins before responding to anything gradually letting the response take infinity, like a usual non-ocd person's mind.

alissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w

@Anonymous You’re so very welcome! I know how confusing and defeating it can feel. Practicing these skills more and more over time makes them easier. Yes, developing awareness of your mental compulsions (which also gets easier over time) is the first step. When you notice your compulsions, anything to “mess them up” like delaying the compulsion, not doing the compulsion perfectly to OCD’s liking, etc.. Using the gray rock method, which is basically being “boring” back to OCD. “Yup, okay. Don’t care, OCD”. In contrast, agreeing with the thoughts such as “yeah, maybe the world will end today. Oh well!” sort of leaves OCD at a dead end (you don’t have to actually agree with the statement, it just shows OCD you’re not willing to engage). There are a lot of different techniques like this that can help you delay or eliminate compulsions. Just remember OCD is always going to want to try to hook you back in with a new thought, to scare you back into the familiarity of compulsions. Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re doing the best you can with knowledge you have. You will get there friend.

eemasiongale

Date posted: 35w

My OCD problem isn't sexual in nature. Will your suggestions work on it too? I really need to get better.

Darkacademician

Date posted: 35w

Usually the people who know about the condition recommend letting it rest, marinate and you don't do anything to it so it just burns and walks away on its own. Whatever the theme maybe.

Luke_McElwee

Date posted: 25w

Losing my shit, freaking out

Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

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I get sad when I think about my OCD

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