- Date posted
- 33w
HELP!!!
Hello NOCD community! ♡ So I've been consciously living with OCD for the past few years, and I've gone to therapy a few times, though I've not necessarily gotten help for my OCD. These last few months my OCD has been especially intense, and it has affected my quality of life. I've been in a depressive mood most of the time, and performing day-to-day activities has been difficult. My productivity levels have been low, and I've wasted a lot of time on obsessions and compulsions. It feels like OCD has taken over my life and I'm watching days pass me by as I spend hours and hours on OCD-related behaviours. What I've been struggling with the most lately is rumination and trichotillomania. I find myself trying to form mental images of certain words, concepts, situations, etc. when I can't fully understand them or sometimes it really just seems to be for no apparent reason. I dwell on trying to form these mental images or repeat certain phrases/sentences over and over in my head, and I get frustrated when I do not gain enough clarity, sometimes giving up or telling myself things like "it doesn't matter", "let go" or "anyway". I also find that when I'm watching something without exact subtitles or without any at all and I'm not sure exactly what has been said, I rewind it over and over until I gain clarity. This can happen with insignificant background speech, or when people are talking over each other, sometimes I feel the need to know exactly what everyone is saying. I also feel the need to read or look at everything on online pages, sites or posts down to the most inconsequential details, and I dwell on details in images/videos that are unclear to figure out exactly what I am looking at. I also overthink a lot of decisions I make, even very small ones (for example putting my laptop to sleep instead of hibernating it), and I try to imagine what will happen if I do the opposite action, and I reassure myself of the decision I've made or else sometimes end up going back on it and doing the opposite action. I also overthink scenarios in the past and try to remember exactly how they happened. I could go on and on, but you probably get the point. Basically, I'm just in my head 24/7. I've reached a point where I refuse to continue living like this because I know I'm meant for so much greater! But I desperately need help. I don't want to rely on a therapist or medication to get better. I want to learn how to manage it on my own. I just need help figuring out how to create an ERP plan that works for me because I don't even know where to start with that, and any other tools or resources that would help me in my solo recovery journey would be much appreciated as well! P.S. Happy holidays!!