Terrified to turn 18

I don’t know how to even properly word my thoughts on this. I turn 18 in 4 months, I am a senior in high school and have an art project due which is supposed to represent how I feel I’ve grown or what I want to do with my future as an adult. I don’t feel like I’ve even grown at all, it’s like I’m on autopilot with my life and I don’t care about what I become in my future or how I’ll get there. I visited what everyone around me thought would be my dream college but I didn’t feel anything at all. I can’t see myself as anything but a kid, I don’t have any more passion for my original stories, they just give me a headache to work on and I get sent into compulsive loops trying to make sure it’s perfect. I feel like turning 18 is an expiration date but everyone around me tells me it is the complete opposite, that I should look forward to being something other than a high school student, but I just don’t care. I have no real emotions on it besides fear and general apathy, I don’t want to become “old” or not a teenager, I still feel like such a child, like I haven’t lived a complete teen life. Articulating emotions has gotten harder too, sorry if this post sounds really rambley and confusing. Point is I’m scared to become an adult and start a life because I don’t feel like I care enough to do that, I feel like I’m just going along with whatever the adults in my life tell me to do and I don’t feel a sense of desire to be responsible or grow up or create art anymore. I don’t wanna say I’m depressed because I do feel happy, especially when I’m doing things I like to do or speaking with people I like, but I just don’t feel like life matters much in a future lense. I’m tired.

PoleekPelican

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w

I don't want to provide you any reassurance, but many of your sentiments feel like black and white thinking that we are prone to do when we are dealing with OCD. I've been doing this a lot too. I'm currently 33, love video games and anime and occasionally act weird and impulsively when I'm with my friends. Same stuff I was doing in high school, to be fair. Since most of what you are describing seems to be rooted in this idea that childhood literally has to end at 18, it just simply isn't the case. Your 20's can be for having fun and figuring stuff out. You may even change your major or decide that you want to do something else. If you don't like writing or creating, you might just be bored with that and you can come back to that later. Point is, I wish someone told me that there wasn't a rule book to this stuff. Feel how you want to feel, do what you want to do, being safe and mindful that you want to just keep moving forward towards something eventually. I'm tired too, but like you, I'm sure your apathy stems from OCD and the rigidity that it establishes in your mind. Makes it hard to see possibilities. We'll get out of this and be better for it. Good luck, we've got this.

gio

Date posted: 31w

@PoleekPelican I guess you are right, thank you. It’s just kind of like “that’s it?” My family tells me that nothing would really change and I’d still be a teenager. About my stories, I’ve tried to take a break, but it seems like no matter how long of a break I take the feelings of compulsive perfection and apathy doesn’t change. I don’t know what I’ll do with my life, but I guess there isn’t a set rule book. Thanks for your advice, I’m happy to hear I’m not alone even when it comes to people older than me.

PoleekPelican

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w

@ghostballZ420 You're welcome. We are going to be alright. I've got some things coming up in my life that I'm scared and uncertain about too, but if it doesn't work out or things have to change, that's okay. We can both give ourselves a little grace.

nae nae

Date posted: 31w

This is how I felt before turning 18, and I still feel like this. Even when I'm around people my age, I feel out of place for many of the same reasons you listed. When I spoke to my parents about it, both of them told me they didn't feel like actual adults until their thirties... I think there's a lot of pressure from others when you're at this age, but not everyone goes at the same pace in life. You're just figuring things out. A lot of people take a gap year or two after high school or after doing their basics. Some don't even go to college at all! My older brother graduated high school and then left home and moved to an entirely different state with a group of friends, even though my parents advised against it. They had barely any money and no jobs at the time, but he's doing great now. They're renting a home, do contract work, and are saving up to open their own boxing gym one day. My mom got her degree in accounting and then became a photographer, an assistant teacher, and later, a marketing manager. There's no straight path in life.

gabbys407

Date posted: 22w

How to start living?

I feel like im no longer living im only 17 and i use to be so excited to turn 18 recently i feel like life is pointless and its all i think about including philosophy and i never liked that before. It has taken complete joy out of my life anything simple like watching a movie feels pointless because it has no meaning and i feel as if my life has zero meaning because i am not important. I am constantly criticizing everything. For example i went to a concert ive been dying to see and when i got there i didnt enjoy it all because i felt like it was pointless. Is there anyone that has experienced this that has advice I feel like im in hell rn

Young adults with OCD

gio

Date posted: 19w

21 days till Im 18, I just don’t want it to come

I can’t totally tell if this is an OCD theme or not but I’m shaking and crying and can’t stop thinking about this. I hope that this makes sense, l'm having problems understanding how to explain my emotions anymore because I just don't know what l'm feeling some days, I just don't get it that much. I'm so scared to become an adult. I don't want to not be a kid in every sense of it. I don't feel like I'm an adult at all, it feels like an expiration date in every way. I don't think I have much going for me, l'm not very smart at least I don't think I am. The things I do like don't feel like they are that much to carry me through everything life is going to bring. I feel disconnected from the actual reality l'm living, like I'm just observing it. I just have trouble caring about my future and I have no plans for anything. But time is running out to figure out what l'll do. I would get rid of any of the privileges l'd get at 18 if I could stay at 17 forever. I don't want to loose childhood, I spent my younger years trying to feel smarter than I am and trying to seem like I was mature, but I'm not. I've had really bad things happen when I was young and things I feel like set me back. I don't think I've grown at the same rate as I should have. God I'm so confused. I don't know what to do about it man. No matter how many people I talk to this doesn't stop eating away at me. Does anything I'm saying even make sense? I wish I could stop time so badly. I don't want things to change. I am not ready for it at all.

ughhhh

Date posted: 15w

Just turned 20, and im feeling sm dread

I turned 20 years old today. Ive been reflecting a lot. Since ive joined this app ive been an ever changing person. Which is good i want to change i want to be good but i still feel the same inside. Especially when i feel like this. Feel of dread an anxiety. This sense of foreboding i hate. I just feel so sad. I didn’t have good teenage years. Ive just been sad since it began and now thats its over i dont know what to expect. Im scared. Im no longer a child im a full fledged adult. Everything feels so far away but everything still hurts. Im scared for my future but looking ahead at the same time. What do i do now that im 20? Do i drop my interests? Move out? I dont know i feel like i need to do something. I dont want to spiral but i feel so much dread. I dont know what to do.

Young adults with OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Terrified to turn 18

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community