Not seeking reassurance, just prayers

This is textbook OCD. It has to feel so real in order to be a disorder. Keep in mind that your perception is warped because of OCD. I felt like I liked disturbing thoughts immediately, and out of nowhere. I know it’s terrifying but you aren’t alone

I understand this completely. Not exactly the same but I fear now that I don’t have negative reactions to things that I enjoy them or like them. The ocd has clung onto that quite a bit with thoughts of telling me I believe it and am okay with it. I was thinking it through a bit more and realized what a lie this is. Not through rumination but thought breakdown. This isn’t new for us. We’ve always believed in a sense that these thoughts are our thoughts because otherwise we wouldn’t have ever been afraid or anxious by them. If they always meant nothing, why react? We reacted because we felt like it meant something about us all along. We accepted the belief that this was us - same as OCD is telling us now. It’s not new, it’s how ocd has always worked. The only difference is now we don’t react which is likely due to how much time we’ve dealt with it and learned it means nothing about us. But it will try and convince us it does - just like it always has.

Can’t describe how much I relate to this, it’s like you have been inside my head and read my mind. I understand it’s just OCDs game but my mind keeps going to the what ifs etc. It’s like I’m so desensitised to the information it’s giving me because I’ve dealt with it for nearly 2 years. However now it’s just started attacking me exactly the way you are describing. I’m just trying to leave it there and say yeah mhmm, sometimes it’s harder than others but it’s getting better slowly.

Don’t worry if your brain says you like it. Don’t worry if you are “getting used” to the thoughts and feel like they don’t bother you anymore. This is how OCD works, and it’s also part of recovery. You have to let the thoughts run freely through your head, no matter what are. While you are letting the thoughts run freely, you also have to let the thoughts run freely that say you like it (because this is just another OCD thought). Just let ALL the thoughts run freely without worrying about what they are at all. Also, getting used to the thoughts (in that you dont bother you anymore) is part of the process. You are training yourself in the TRUTH, that the thoughts are meaningless and don’t matter. So they don’t need to bother you if they are there.