I think I’m a bad person

@issphra 🫶🏻 Yes, but Girl like in the moment I didn’t feel like I was just letting the thought be there so I don’t panic. It genuinely felt like I was enjoying the thought in the moment like I don’t know what’s going on with me like this situation only happens like in the context of intrusive thoughts. I’ve never purposely thought of something on my own, but it’s like immediately after that’s when I panicked so I just don’t understand myself sometimes. But Ty 💕 this is the worst OCD episode I’ve ever experienced.

@andrea_sam730 I know exactly what you mean. I had the same exact thing happen with ROCD thoughts and they still haunt me. I felt like an absolute monster for not minding them. I know your situation is a little different but I still believe it’s OCD. Can I ask, does this happen to you when you’re in a sleepy state? Or like wide awake?

@issphra 🫶🏻 This happens when i’m fully awake like as I’m trying to like have my alone time with self pleasuring sorry that’s TMI but like the thoughts that I had prior to the intrusive thought I already knew their intrusive thoughts and like I didn’t bother me because they were so random at first and I just decided to like have them in my head, but I guess it’s like if I think about interest of thoughts for too long another one will appear and that one like the intrusive thought was so it wasn’t clear. It was very blurry but I just had an image of a body part and the last intrusive that I had was of my family members and my Little Brother and so I automatically assumed that like oh that image had to be of my Little Brother because that was the last thing I had thought about but whenever I try to remember like the thoughts they’re not clear they’re all kind of blurry. I feel like I feel like a really bad person sorry :/ . And I just asked myself like if this is who I truly am I would’ve done this multiple times before but I’ve never had a situation like this ever in my life so I don’t know what the hell is going on with me and I constantly ask myself like this is who I really am is is what I like and I have this like urge to force myself to like things that I don’t like but because of this situation it’s really bothering me like crazy

@andrea_sam730 For me, during any kind of intimacy, if I don’t react to an intrusive thought and just let it sit, my OCD (I named it Elmer) gets angry and throws even more thoughts at me. Elmer will do anything to trigger me. If one thought doesn’t make me stop or react, he gets creative and throws out even more disturbing ones. It sounds like something similar happened to you. You let an intrusive thought stay, and your OCD didn’t like that, so it piled on more or twisted it further. The truth is, the more you think about it, the more unclear it will feel. OCD thrives on that uncertainty, distorting things and making you believe you did something awful. But you didn’t. OCD had the mic during that moment, not you, and now it’s gaslighting you into thinking you were in control. My heart really goes out to you, girl. That urge you feel, to force yourself to like something horrible? I get it, too. Reading that made me cry because I thought I was the only one 🥹. It’s not real, I promise you it’s not real

@issphra 🫶🏻 - I couldn't have said it any better! Yall are NOT ALONE & EVERYONE has *ucked up thoughts it's just the OCD that has you spiraling down the rabbit hole! Therapy really helps & there are meds that can help keep them in check. Before this episode have you been really stressed? Is self pleasuring how you were trying to release that stress? It may help to try & RELAX BEFORE you start to self pleasure. Bubble bath, soft music & some candles. Whatever helps!

@issphra 🫶🏻 Ty girl this has helped me so much like I didn’t know that OCD could do that. I mean that explains a lot to me truly, and I’m so sorry that you’re going through it as well. You’re not alone. I believe that one day we’ll get through this all together 💕😓

@Cainsworth49 I just got prescribed with OCD medication and I was really happy because it’s one step towards healing but a part of me is so scared and I low-key don’t wanna take it because I’m afraid that it will not work and I’ll be proved that I’m actually a horrible person 💀😭

@DownWithOCD51959 I feel like a monster ::

@andrea_sam730 How is your journey going. Have you been able to seek any support?

@ocdnomore1 I’m really sorry you’re crying about PCD. Just remember this is not who you really are. You just have a very bad disorder and you will get through this. 💕

@andrea_sam730 thanks ♥️ the thoughts and urges were so strong that I started crying, because I remembered my whole life I hadn't this 🥹

@ocdnomore1 Me too :/ I’ve been crying for days and days I feel like I’m forgetting who I am :( I feel like a monster

@andrea_sam730 Yes, thanks for sharing your experience and I feel sad for you too. At the moment I have over and over again the thought that I want google bad things on internet, like a pressure. I literally can feel in my brain that there is pressure in some area of my brain. It takes my whole day away from me 🥹

@ocdnomore1 Me too I feel like a horrible person it’s so bad

@andrea_sam730 I lived 29 yrs without such thoughts and impulses. This is making me sad, why now. I hate it, that it's so present and my brain try to find reasons why it could be. I am scared of myself too. We can do that, no matter how "true" it feels. It is not ourself.

@ocdnomore1 It’s sucks really badly :/

@ocdnomore1 That’s exactly how I feel like I’ve lived my whole life without not having to question my actions or my thoughts and I’m just thinking like why all the sudden feeling this way now like who I really am then I would’ve done this years ago but I haven’t