- Date posted
- 30w
Guys I think I’m a monster and disgusting
I can’t take it anymore I haven’t been able to sleep or eat I’ve been starving myself non stop like it hasn’t gotten this bad with ocd idk if it’s even ocd at this point I never i thought I would be in this situation this year this is a pretty new problem I’ve never ever had this problem before all my life when I self pleasure even before hand I never plan on acting on anything while doing my alone time I’m sorry this it TMi but all the sudden I get bad intrusive thoughts of my family and in the moment i think I may have felt like I got some pleasure form it idk it just felt like I was self pleasuring bc of these thoughts so immediately afterwards I panic and cry idk why I do bc I’m doing this to myself ppl say the fact I’m feeling scared shows I didn’t do anything bad but I THINK I ONLT FEEL THIS WAY BC I’m probably realizing I made a horrible decision I never plan this out ever and I never know when the thoughts will come and this fear comes once in awhile but not everytime I feel like I’m just the only one who feels this way I’ve had some ppl say they are able to stop in between but for me I stop until afterwards idk what’s wrong with me :( I’ve been feeling really bad to the point where I don’t want to be here when I try tell myself this might be ocd I feel like I’m in denial idk if I should just turn myself in I don’t want to have anything to do with self pleasure anymore I don’t trust myself:(