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I dealt with this a lot and still deal with it from time to time. Our brains are crazy man. This is the “what if I’m in denial and this is real?” Stage of OCD and, unfortunately, as good as one can get with their OCD, this stage can suck you right back in if you’re not careful. What I can tell you is that denial is the conscious act of denying that you’re even having the thoughts to begin with. Pedos, 100% don’t do this. They don’t go back and forth on their attraction. They 100% like the thoughts, there’s no disgust involved and please do not go down the rabbit-hole of “what if I like the thoughts too and I’m just convincing myself I don’t.” Been there. Done that. It’s OCD. OCD is a fear-based anxiety disorder that thrives off of uncertainty and uncertainty makes this disorder way harder because the answer is: you’ll never really be certain and you have to be okay with knowing that you’ll never really know.