How do you guys deal with thinking about or ruminating on past relationships while being in your current relationship? I always feel really guilty thinking about other people or attach a lot of meaning to these thoughts, making it like I should be with those people instead of my current partner.
I am with you on this. It can be so confusing and hard to tell at times if it’s my ocd or if I really want to be with someone else
While I’m not in a relationship and I’ve been single for many years; I still miss my first boyfriend even though it’s been years. Relationships and people is what my OCD attaches to. And I end up ruminating or getting very upsetting thoughts about him (he moved on). Because I always wondered why I was never enough.
@NeeweeKeewee Yeah, I don’t really now how to move on from those things. I have the same intrusive thought of not being “enough” for my exes or situationships.
Hi sinceslicedbread! I see this was posted a few weeks ago, but still wanted to reach out. OCD can be tricky like that, where it gets us focused on one thing and keeps coming back. I usually say that is OCD's way of trying to stay in control. And OCD works backwards, so the more meaning we put into something or the more time we spend thinking about it or trying to fix it, it will actually grow and make us think about it more and more! It sounds like this is something you are experiencing now, and it is not uncommon. OCD has just found a way to stay in control. The best thing to do is to not fight these thoughts or try to not make them go away on purpose. Sounds weird, but if I were to tell you to NOT think of a purple squirrel for the next minute, what do you end up thinking of? The purple squirrel! So, instead you can acknowledge those thoughts and work to sitting with the fear and unknown. I know that sounds hard but it's possible! If you do not have treatment already and want some help with this, I recommend ERP therapy. This is the gold standard of care for OCD and at NOCD we are trained as expertise in the practice of ERP. Please reach out to our care team at care@nocdhelp.com or visit www.treatmyocd.com. I hope this reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help!
i saw my ex yesterday unexpectedly on the bus on the way home and it triggered me, we stopped talking abruptly and it didn’t end well, i felt immediately guilty for feeling like that and i told my boyfriend. today i thought about it too and felt this strange unsettling feeling, i feel guilty even thinking about it, i just want to stop thinking and ruminating, i was like “what if i wanna go back with him? why do i keep thinking this?” and i felt horrible, i just want some rest, what do you suggest? does it happen to you too?
I had a life before I was with my partner, that involved having girlfriends and one night stands, etc. That's a lifetime of memories that I now feel guilty for having. Something as silly as watching a TV show with my girlfriend will make me think "I used to watch this show with an ex, is it ok to watch it with my current girlfriend?" and I will feel real guilt over it and need to seek her reassurance. There are other memories, about "intimate" times, that sometimes come into my head and I have urges to share them with my girlfriend to alleviate the guilt I feel for having the memory. Fundamentally, I feel guilty every time I have a memory of an ex, often regardless of the content. I feel like I shouldn't have thoughts of anyone else other than my current partner and it's wrong to have memories of exes. When I do, I feel guilty, ruminate, then have the uncontrollable urge to share the memories with her. She gets upset, I get upset, but also feel relief that I've shared. Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or tips around this sort of issue? Thanks.
the most debilitating ocd flare-up i’ve been having for the past few months has been about the guy i used to talk to. we weren’t dating per-se, but whatever was going on between us was very confusing and unclear, and it ended up with me being very hurt. he was basically leading me on, and couldn’t commit to me. it’s been months since we’ve stopped talking and i still can’t stop thinking about him. i don’t even care about him that much in an objective sense, but i am genuinely obsessed with him. everything i see reminds me of him, and my mind is constantly running through thoughts about him and our situation — why did it go the way it did, what did i do wrong, does he still think about me, etc. it’s honestly so humiliating and makes me feel pathetic because i know he’s probably moved on by now, and i still can’t handle the thought or sight of him. i just wish i could stop ruminating, because it’s gotten so bad that i can’t focus on school or anything else in life. it’s so constant to the point where, when i bring it up to my friends (which is very often), i’m met with concern and even frustration rather than sympathy. how can i cope with the rumination? it’s genuinely exhausting, and i can’t sleep at night because my brain is just running like a motor. i have dreams about it almost nightly as well. anything helps!
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