Fear of going to hell

At first, it just started as harmless questions, curiously exploring the universe and what life and death mean as a human. Then it became an obsession about death and the afterlife. I’m a Catholic-turned-agnostic who recently took an interest in religion again, trying to redevelop a relationship with God without letting the fear of not being good enough and possibly going to Hell taking over me. Instead, my brain latched onto the possibility that there is no God, that there’s eternal nothingness after the short time we have here on earth and that everything means nothing. My love for my friends and family. My desire to achieve my goals, and to be happy for the people I love achieving theirs. I’m haunted by the feeling that it will all be for nothing, that I will never be reunited with those that I love, that the people I love who have passed on have ceased to exist and one day, so will I and everyone else. I can’t function now. I’ve made myself physically ill over this. I’ve lost my appetite. As someone who once took pride in how much love I have for my job as a daycare teacher, I come into work and feel numb. I go home and feel numb. I’ve obsessively started telling the people in my life how much I love and appreciate them because for the past three days, I’ve been sick thinking about how one day, either I’ll leave them or they’ll leave me. It feels like nothing matters. It feels like everything is in vain. I’ve tried so hard to reframe my mindset, to rewire my brain to not think that way. I’ve tried ERP techniques of allowing myself to sit with the discomfort that the fear brings. To try and desensitize myself to this fear. Nothing seems to work. I’m so lost. I’ve been this way for three days, with yesterday and today being worse than the day it started. It’s like the obsession is morphing into depression in a way. I’m scared I’ll never feel enjoyment in any form again. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve been worried that I will go to hell and have lost a lot of my interests, personality and even music I like . I don’t know who I am anymore

Few years back I went to a funeral when I come home I have developed irrational fear of death my legs were shivering I am unable to sleep at night my life become hell. I could not take food properly and irrational fear make my life worse after some time I developed blasphemous thoughts about God and religious figures and it becomes worse everyday was hell for me the fear was so terrific that God will kill me some numbers comes in my mind like next Friday I will died etc then my sister helps me in it that is just thoughts you are not doing then gradually I started living with them in between these thoughts used to come but I was normal but now again one of my loved one death trigger these thoughts again and I am suffering all the above mentioned stuff in a horrible way. I cannot sleep fear of hell blasphemous thoughts what will happen with be afterward the first night in grave everything is horrified me I don't know what to do death fear making it more worse.