I have POCD with false memories, and this is hell. My nephew was sitting on my lap yesterday (usually I avoid him, but he wanted to come sit on my lap so I didn’t want to be mean and not let him) when I was holding him, I kept getting thoughts like ”you will kiss him” ”I might lose control” ”I need to know if I’d actually like to kiss him” ”I need to remember this moment perfectly so I know what I did or didn’t do” and the whole time my mind was racing. I felt like I was dissociating. And then I started to feel the false attraction feelings that I get sometimes when I see him. My brain mixes cuteness with attractiveness now. So when he was sitting on my lap I had to look at him to ”test” if I was attracted to him. I felt an urge to act on my thoughts. The whole time I got these images in my head and they instantly felt real. I got home and got a panic attack. It is horrible and it feels so real I just want to know the truth. His parents were sitting in the same room but they were talking to each other and not looking at us all the time. I don’t know what is real and what’s not real anymore and its scary. I don’t want to live without knowing what kind of person I am. Now I have a false memory about this, at least I hope its false. i fear that I acted on my thoughts because I also felt that weird feeling of attraction. I feel like this is proof that I am that kind of person and might’ve done it? I can’t take this anymore please someone share if you have similar experience or am I the only one?

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 44w

This is very common with pocd. It’s so unbelievable what ocd is capable of. It can make us think, feel and believe things that aren’t real or true at all but it’s all just ocd and no it’s not only you.

nae nae

Date posted: 44w

Like the other comment said, you're definitely not alone in this! It's the worst, isn't it? That same situation has happened to me with my little brothers. They'll come sit on my lap, and I'll start getting horrible intrusive thoughts. I push through, but it feels... ugh. I've also had intrusive urges, and those are the scariest for me. They leave me feeling nauseous for the rest of the day. It's the OCD, but it can feel VERY real. We have to do our best not to engage with these thoughts or "what ifs," though. That's only doing exactly what the OCD wants, which is for us to become anxious and do a compulsion that will feed into it. I'm sorry you're having these thoughts right now :(

fuzzy_caterp...

Date posted: 44w

Several months ago something similar happened to me, I got an intrusive image of doing something bad to my little brother and I kept replaying it in my head to the point where it felt real.. then I couldn’t tell if I had actually done it or not. I am still dealing with uncertainty but it does get better. Sometimes all it takes is time passing to heal

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