Question please

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

I’ve been triggered so bad this week I’ve had bad anxiety and feel depression coming on. Last night I had a thought oh let’s plan it and I immediately thought why would I think that and started crying bad. I’ve had these thoughts for 7 months I really don’t know why I’m having these thoughts, if I knew I would work on it. Like people say has something happened in your life for you to have these thoughts and nothing has happened, it all started off from what if thoughts , like “what if I’m a psycho” because I saw this fb post saying introverts are more likely to become psychopaths and it all spiralled from there I started getting thoughts about harm towards others and myself. What do you think guys should I treat it like ocd or do you think there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Hey y’all. I have suicidal OCD and I feel that it manifests in a strange way. I feel like my brain often encourages me to kill myself. Like my most dominant thought isn’t ’what if you kill yourself’, it’s ’you should kill yourself.’ It tends to amp up every time I make some mistake, even if it’s small. And it definitely gets worse during times of stress. I don’t want to kill myself and I wouldn’t consider myself depressed. But if these thoughts are OCD, and are my brain trying to keep me safe from killing myself, why would it tell me to? I’d appreciate any insight.