- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I have an 11 month old. I had POCD very badly around 4 years ago. *trigger warning* I was very suicidal when I had it the first time. I didn’t even understand it had anything to do with OCD and I didn’t think I could live like that. I pushed through those extremely dark times because of a family member with special needs who I don’t think could comprehend death. Here I am, a happy mother of a beautiful baby, and POCD is sometimes, at worst a fleeting thought but most of the time doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. Once I identified it as a fear instead of a “secret desire” I wasn’t scared of it anymore because I knew I was only thinking about it because it was something I was scared of vs something I wanted to think of.
- Date posted
- 5y
I know it’s not that easy, but I went through an extremely hard year I didn’t think I would survive through and here I am 4 years later very minimally affected and a mother. I was able to move on, I think 100% it’s possible. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope you find some relief from those intrusive ocd thoughts. That’s never any fun
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- 5y
@treehouse Thank you so much! I always wanted kids and have a family and ever since I had my first intrusive thought I was scared that it would never happen. Hearing your story gives me hope! Again thank you?
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- 5y
@treehouse I also was suicidal when I first had my intrusive thoughts. In my mind I rather die than hurt a child like that.
- Date posted
- 5y
I have the same thing! When I am cleaning and changing my son that’s when my intrusive thoughts come in. I become fearful and start questioning why and how and how times I clean his private area. It’s a compulsion not that we are pedophile and it was done with no sexual intent. It’s POCD! It’s tricky because obviously you have to clean the child which require touching, however OCD will have over doing it, avoiding it, cleaning extra wondering why you did it and was for sexual reasons. It’s not! It’s anxiety and OCD. We are good people and we can let anxiety from keeping us from taking care of one another particular our kids or nieces ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much! You’re right when I first had intrusive thoughts I didn’t want to go near my nieces thinking I was protecting them but I was only feeding the ocd. I am glad I am not alone
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- 5y
This gives me so much relief I've wanted to be a mom my whole life but when pocd hit I was so scared that I wasn't meant to be ? thank you guys so much for sharing your stories ❤️
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- 5y
Thank you for your comment. The more people who talk about it gives me more hope that I am not alone and that I am not a bad person. We will both be great moms?
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- 5y
I talked to my wife about it and the anxiety all went away.
- Date posted
- 5y
I am happy to hear that! I am happy to hear things are better for you! Thank you again for sharing your story
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.
- Date posted
- 16w
𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞
- Date posted
- 16w
I had to give my daughter a bath and wanted to help my wife bear the responsibility also read online pocd to not avoid bathing. I told myself I am going to bathe my child because im a good dad. As i bathed her i went to wipe her arms and torso. I was going to get her armpit and arm but with the sponge I wiped her chest erogenous area. Then i got anxious and did a compulsion and said “im sorry”. Then ocd said whyd i wipe there ni shouldve wiped her arm or armpit. Was i doing anything inappropriate. Or ocd said not to wipe there and I did so did i do anything inappropriate or with inappropriate intent. I hate having pocd and living parallel with this voice in my head. I know my intention wasnt inappropriate i even prep talked before and did the compulsion of apologizing after wiping. Now im questioning whyd i wipe there first before her arms and armpit since ocd told me to avoid her chest. Then i worry did i have ocd intrusive thought saying i wanted to wipe there and if i had this thought and i wiped there than it means i acted on the thought. I know i wouldnt do anything inappropriate to my child and i know my intent wasnt wrong.
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