- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I have an 11 month old. I had POCD very badly around 4 years ago. *trigger warning* I was very suicidal when I had it the first time. I didn’t even understand it had anything to do with OCD and I didn’t think I could live like that. I pushed through those extremely dark times because of a family member with special needs who I don’t think could comprehend death. Here I am, a happy mother of a beautiful baby, and POCD is sometimes, at worst a fleeting thought but most of the time doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. Once I identified it as a fear instead of a “secret desire” I wasn’t scared of it anymore because I knew I was only thinking about it because it was something I was scared of vs something I wanted to think of.
- Date posted
- 6y
I know it’s not that easy, but I went through an extremely hard year I didn’t think I would survive through and here I am 4 years later very minimally affected and a mother. I was able to move on, I think 100% it’s possible. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope you find some relief from those intrusive ocd thoughts. That’s never any fun
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- 6y
@treehouse Thank you so much! I always wanted kids and have a family and ever since I had my first intrusive thought I was scared that it would never happen. Hearing your story gives me hope! Again thank you?
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- 6y
@treehouse I also was suicidal when I first had my intrusive thoughts. In my mind I rather die than hurt a child like that.
- Date posted
- 6y
I have the same thing! When I am cleaning and changing my son that’s when my intrusive thoughts come in. I become fearful and start questioning why and how and how times I clean his private area. It’s a compulsion not that we are pedophile and it was done with no sexual intent. It’s POCD! It’s tricky because obviously you have to clean the child which require touching, however OCD will have over doing it, avoiding it, cleaning extra wondering why you did it and was for sexual reasons. It’s not! It’s anxiety and OCD. We are good people and we can let anxiety from keeping us from taking care of one another particular our kids or nieces ?
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- 6y
Thank you so much! You’re right when I first had intrusive thoughts I didn’t want to go near my nieces thinking I was protecting them but I was only feeding the ocd. I am glad I am not alone
- Date posted
- 6y
This gives me so much relief I've wanted to be a mom my whole life but when pocd hit I was so scared that I wasn't meant to be ? thank you guys so much for sharing your stories ❤️
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- 5y
Thank you for your comment. The more people who talk about it gives me more hope that I am not alone and that I am not a bad person. We will both be great moms?
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- 6y
I talked to my wife about it and the anxiety all went away.
- Date posted
- 5y
I am happy to hear that! I am happy to hear things are better for you! Thank you again for sharing your story
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I'm 21 and eventually I would like to have a child. I am terrified about the fact that I could have sexual thoughts about them... So now I am filled with intrusive thoughts. How should I respond to these? "So yes, what if I will have intrusive thoughts about that?" But im terrified because a normal person shouldnt think about even that at all. I am so scared. I cannot respond "what if" because this is too serious and it makes me so bad if i respond "what if"
- Date posted
- 23w
TW! please someone comment When I was 12 or 13 I used to babysit a little girl, she had a habit of keeping her hand in her diaper and was always touching herself, there was one point I was changing her diaper and noticed she was really red. I had separated her private parts and checked the inner area for signs of infection. She was okay, just some really really bad diaper rash. I know this is what happened yet my brain is trying to convince me that I hurt her, and that I wanted to do it, I know I would never hurt a child but with all the anxiety I feel when I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I did do it because I wanted to hurt her, I don't wanna be a p, I don't wanna hurt innocent children, I used to never have these thoughts but now I do and I'm so scared to tell my therapist as she hasn't diagnosed me with ocd yet. I don't want her to think I'm a p nor do I wanna hurt kids, but my brain keeps telling me that I do and that I'm just lying to myself and everyone around me, ik I would never do something that could harm a child but I keep getting these thoughts and their inappropriate and I just want them to stop, does anyone have any tips on how to help myself? I keep turning to my boyfriend for reassurance but ik that that's just a quick fix and that ill be spiraling about it again.Please help
- Date posted
- 18w
Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.
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