I recently changed my nieces diaper and gave her a bath and I didn’t think much of it. I checked her lower area to make sure she didn’t have a rash and to clean her of course. In my mind I wasn’t thinking of anything bad and I was being a good aunt making sure she was clean and changing her so she was comfortable and ready to go play. Later that day I started to have intrusive thoughts. I started to think I am a terrible person for changing her since I am not her mother and more and more intrusive thoughts started to come. I was so scared to look at my own niece. How can I become a mother in the future if I had these thoughts. I know it’s my ocd and I know I am not these thoughts but it hurts and it scares me. I want to some day have kids but I wonder if it’s possible with POCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 6y

I have an 11 month old. I had POCD very badly around 4 years ago. *trigger warning* I was very suicidal when I had it the first time. I didn’t even understand it had anything to do with OCD and I didn’t think I could live like that. I pushed through those extremely dark times because of a family member with special needs who I don’t think could comprehend death. Here I am, a happy mother of a beautiful baby, and POCD is sometimes, at worst a fleeting thought but most of the time doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. Once I identified it as a fear instead of a “secret desire” I wasn’t scared of it anymore because I knew I was only thinking about it because it was something I was scared of vs something I wanted to think of.

Anonymous

Date posted: 6y

I know it’s not that easy, but I went through an extremely hard year I didn’t think I would survive through and here I am 4 years later very minimally affected and a mother. I was able to move on, I think 100% it’s possible. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope you find some relief from those intrusive ocd thoughts. That’s never any fun

Sophia91

Date posted: 6y

@treehouse Thank you so much! I always wanted kids and have a family and ever since I had my first intrusive thought I was scared that it would never happen. Hearing your story gives me hope! Again thank you?

Sophia91

Date posted: 6y

@treehouse I also was suicidal when I first had my intrusive thoughts. In my mind I rather die than hurt a child like that.

ck1

Date posted: 6y

I have the same thing! When I am cleaning and changing my son that’s when my intrusive thoughts come in. I become fearful and start questioning why and how and how times I clean his private area. It’s a compulsion not that we are pedophile and it was done with no sexual intent. It’s POCD! It’s tricky because obviously you have to clean the child which require touching, however OCD will have over doing it, avoiding it, cleaning extra wondering why you did it and was for sexual reasons. It’s not! It’s anxiety and OCD. We are good people and we can let anxiety from keeping us from taking care of one another particular our kids or nieces ?

Sophia91

Date posted: 6y

Thank you so much! You’re right when I first had intrusive thoughts I didn’t want to go near my nieces thinking I was protecting them but I was only feeding the ocd. I am glad I am not alone

Smolsimgirl

Date posted: 6y

This gives me so much relief I've wanted to be a mom my whole life but when pocd hit I was so scared that I wasn't meant to be ? thank you guys so much for sharing your stories ❤️

Sophia91

Date posted: 6y

Thank you for your comment. The more people who talk about it gives me more hope that I am not alone and that I am not a bad person. We will both be great moms?

ck1

Date posted: 6y

I talked to my wife about it and the anxiety all went away.

Sophia91

Date posted: 6y

I am happy to hear that! I am happy to hear things are better for you! Thank you again for sharing your story

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond