- Date posted
- 27w
Everything is awful
Vent. / / Sorry in advance everything is just a lot right now. I have to cover where I sit in the living room with a bedsheet because it feels dirty. And someone moved it away to put a plate of food on the arm. As if the sheet wasn't there for a reason, as if I haven't done this for so long that my whole family probably realised why. I know it's irrational and I shouldn't do it anyway, but it just feels so frustrating because for now I'm just doing my best to feel clean, and it feels like everyone is ruining that. I live in a house with a family member who doesn't wash their hands, so I also have to contend with feeling like I can't touch anything. I never feel clean myself, and I'm just trying to do the best that I can. I know these are all compulsions, but it's the best I can do right now, I don't have the energy to try and overcome them so I'm just trying to make life the easiest it can be. And it just feels like no one respects that. I'm just so tired of avoiding specific "dirty" steps on the stairs, so tired of not being able to touch the light switch, so tired of having dried and cracked hands from over washing. Why does everyone get to live care free from germs and dirtyness yet it feels like I just can't win? I'm just trying to survive.