okay so i have had hocd for almost my whole life to a point where i have acted on urges. every time i would be disgusted and anxious because i know that’s not me. does anyone have any similar experiences or tips? i love my boyfriend now and rocd and hocd just came back with MOUNDS of evidence. it’s heartbreaking. all i want to do is marry my boyfriend and not have these fears!
Been dealing with this for 4 years now. Was coasting for a while until I met my now girlfriend who I care about a lot. But it feels so real the thoughts urges arousals everything. Like even going on social media scares me sometimes
@Anonymous i’m sorry to hear that, i fear social media too sometimes lol cause it makes me check n that stuff it’s so draining , but just keep in mind this is ocd, sometimes makes me feel better
@Anonymous always have a voice that says it’s ocd. naming it makes it lose its power
i’ve had it for so long too like since i can remember knowing what like gay/lesbain was even though i was like not crazy even growing up lol, i love my boyfriend too and try to think the thoughts don’t matter cause it’s always going to be him but it never really help it still bothers me. I don’t think being bi is me either cause like i’ve only ever desired a man to hold me and to be with, but my head won’t let it go, i try tell myself it’ll going to be fine and i love my boyfriend and i’ll always choose him but still it’s a bother like, drains me most days tbh, i wouldn’t even care if i was bi like but iknow it’s just not who i am, iknow im not much help but at least u know i’m on the same boat
boy* crazy not “not crazy “ lol
does it ever feel so real for u ? cause sometimes i think it feels so real and i freak out lol
@anonymous1348 yes! me too dude. like i just know it’s not me
@anonymous1348 i just love my boyfriend so much it hurts me. and my brain keeps telling me i’m in denial! but i’m not!
@moon🌞 literally same ! it’s so so so frustrating, my boyfriend is like everything to me idk what id do if anything happened, he knows about all this and helps thank god but it’s just like i want my head to stop saying like “ur indenial “ “just admit it” but like i even have tried to put myself in that position where okay ill be bi but it’s still like no i don’t desire it one bit atol
@anonymous1348 yeah exactly! same. it’s hard too when i have acted on the urges even when i am so uncomfy like man
@moon🌞 yeah idk what to about it anymore, i go into spiral too sometimes of wait what if i actually like the thoughts but i don’t like there so unwanted i don’t want to think them i just like thinking about boys lol
@anonymous1348 yeah exactly. we are both straight women by what we are saying. it gets hard but we know in our truest hearts. having fantasies or finding women attractive doesn’t mean you wanna be with them either my mom was saying. and therapist lol. like all i want is my boyfriend and men in general haha
@moon🌞 yes u said it perfectly, just the brain trying to trick us into something we’re not. typical ocd lol !
I’ve been trying to work on recovery but this theme is soo strong. Like to the point where I thought of coming out but I don’t want too. It’s in my mind 24/7. Like question myself to the core sometimes
@Anonymous that’s what ocd wants. thinking about doing some erp or cbt. it’s all ocd. thoughts are just thoughts
So I’ve SOOCD since I was in 8 th grade and it got really bad when I had an intrusive thought as to what if I was bi. And ever since then I’ve had self destructive behavior to where I would think the thoughts on purpose or about women and checking them out and flirting with them. ( I identify as straight) and over time these thoughts and self destructive behavior hasn’t bothered me and now they feel apart of me I know apart of it is ocd but also it’s me like me willingly looking at women and me wanting to have sexual thoughts or feel aroused and in reality if I never had ocd I would never think this way I could live without women and never sleeping with them I do have a bf and I love him and am attracted to him rn thought bc of what happened last night with a women it’s hard to feel that can anyone relate?
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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