I’ve been struggling recently a lot with harm thoughts, and thinking I’m a bad person or dangerous or capable of all the things. I think I recently met someone and I really like them. I think they like me too. I’m really scared to let someone in because I don’t want them to have to deal with liking me if I’m a bad person is this relationship ocd? Or like if I have a severe mental health problem, I don’t know . Advice pls
I’ve struggled with harm OCD too, and I understand how intense and convincing those thoughts can be. When I was first diagnosed, I was in a relationship with my fiancé, and during the worst of my harm OCD, OCD made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be with him. It convinced me that he needed someone who didn’t have anything “wrong” with them, and I almost ended our relationship because of it. OCD made the fear feel urgent, like he needed to be away from me. But my therapist advised me to delay making any big decisions in the middle of those overwhelming moments. I was told to wait until the urgency passed and I wasn’t caught in the cycle of OCD. I followed that advice, and as I delayed, I realized that I loved him, and I did deserve to be happy. Even though OCD tries to make us feel like we’re unworthy or undeserving, the truth is, we are all deserving of love. Our thoughts and struggles don’t define us. OCD will try to convince you that you shouldn’t be with someone, that you’re not good enough, or that your thoughts make you unworthy but those are all lies. It’s easy to let OCD convince you that your fears are reality, but it’s important to remember that it’s not about what OCD says. The key is to make decisions based on what feels right for you and your values, not based on what OCD is telling you. If you want a relationship, that’s something only you can determine. If you’re not sure right now, that’s okay too. OCD will never tell you that you’re “ready” or “deserving,” but you don’t have to listen to it. You get to decide how you want to live your life. I hope this helps!
@AnonymityK Thank you it does for sure. I’m happy everything worked out for you!
@G.M - Thank you! Are you taking any ERP Therapy through NOCD? If so, there is a Relationship OCD group you should join. I think it would be a great resource!
@AnonymityK Just want to thank you for this. I just met someone as well, and I have to remember to not let the OCD get in the way of what could be and is an amazing connection. Its hard because at times it feels 'too good to be true' so all the associated doubt creeps in and I sometimes feel like Im not reciprocating enough. Im also worried the OCD will ruin what could be special moments of connection (anticipating.) I dont know what OCD it is but basically when with someone I will recognize when a moment/conversation is intimate or getting really honest and feel that potential to connect (which is what my heart desires) and then my OCD potentially kicks in and removes me from the moment (ending in frustration.) But anyway.. that doesn't always happen, and with this person the connection feels so real that my OCD often seems to disappear into the background :) Thank you for the reminder to make decisions based on our values and listen to what we really want in our hearts, not around what OCD tells us what we do/do not deserve.
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)
I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.
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