Things I did as a child really doesn’t help me with my socd. This is one of my main triggers because I actually did these things and I regret them to high heavens. Anyone else have this issue
We've all done regrettable things, be it as a child, teenager or adult. It's about accepting the past and now your older, wiser you know that it didn't define you, it's just something that happened. Try and move past it if you can
@Anxiousguy But for me I remember kissing my friend that was a girl because we were playing mums and dads. And I remember liking kissing her. But back then I thought I just liked the imagination of being mum and dad and being married etc! It’s stressing me out so much!!
I agree with the first response! and if you regret them there is no need to dwell over them! it doesnt mean anything !
@Anonymousesti But I’m unsure if I was the only one that had done silly stuff as a child that could be deemed as gay :/
@Elliesmith - My therapist once told me taht everything that you experience in your childhood can't be a sign! for instance I remember very vivdly running around with a girl because I just wanted a friend and didnt have any and at some point I stopped her and she was againt the wall and I had by hands between her face and we were close and I remember looking into her eyes (they were blue) and feeling something like my heart fluttering. This has been my biggest trigger with SOOCD and I talked to my therapist about it and she said that thsi happens to a lot of kids! I asked my bf about and he told me "girl when I was young I didnt even realize that girl existed, I just wanted to be with my guy friends and I loved them so much to the point where I was hurt if they said something mean"! (my bf is the straightest guy on earth). I know its hard, Im struggeling a lot for example because that feeling back then I didnt feel it for anyone after growing up although I expected to feel it for a lot of guys! turns out everyone feels love differently! sometimes when there is a women that has some kind of aura I stll feel this emotion (its like a wave of shock) but I try to sit with it! My therapist used to experience this too btw! you got this!
@Anonymousesti Thankyou for this. Is good to hear that a therapist said this. When you say the therapist said this happens a lot with kids. What is she talking about? Just kids being silly and doing things they wouldn’t do now with the same gender?
@Elliesmith - exactly!
This! My SO OCD latches onto my past. I did so much stupid stuff that I think back to now and I’m like WHY DID I DO THAT IF IM NOT GAY!?!? I don’t want to be gay! I’ll paste my situation if you’d like?
@Parisx Oh wow so glad we aren’t alone! Yes pls share your experience?!
@Elliesmith I remember when I had MSN as a kid, thinking about it now I was 100% groomed lol. On webcam was a girl around the same age but looked odd when I remember and she used to ask me sexual things I think and once asked me to show her me in my swimming costume… so my head is now telling me I’m a lesbian for doing that ‘what if that was again evidence’
I remember as a child playing mums and dads with my childhood friend. I remember we said we need to kiss because that’s what mums and dads do. So we used to peck eachother and I remember back then liking it and I guess feeling tingly if that’s even possible as a child??? I remember back then just thinking it was fine because we were just playing mums and dads. I didn’t have a ‘crush’ on her! She was always just my family friend ! I remember my mum coming in and seeing us and saying what are you doing blah blah and then I remember feeling guilty then! I’m just so stressed because I’ve never fancied or wanted to be with a girl romantically or physically and the only ‘proof’ is stuff I did as a child. I’m literally soo sooo anxious Everytime I think of it!!! I just want to be with my bf and be happy like I was before my so ocd relapse!? Does anyone else have childhood memories like this that just haunt you!!!.
I never read someone talk about this so I wanted to know if it applies to anyone as well. For context: I deal with ROCD and SOCD but I do identify as straight and am in a (happy) relationship with a man. What often triggers me is memories about childhood and adolescences about having the groinal toward nudity in porn or music videos. Because I can’t deny having watched other things than straight porn and experimenting with porn I simply can’t stop trying to figure out what that might have meant and if i deep down have actually a other sexual orientation than the one that I feel comfortable identifying with. I only hear people talking about random triggers but never the REAL memory of arousal to pornography and so on.
tw: slightly nsfw I don't mean something like "I made a sexual joke and a child was nearby " or "I was 19 and thought a 17 y.o. was attractive" Like something actually bad not the "I'm freaking over this because I have OCD" type of situation, but more like "I did something horrible and I happen to have OCD which makes it even worse" type of situation I did some really fucked up sexual stuff at 14-16 and they haunt me.
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