Two Years of Recovery: My Journey Through ERP Therapy. Ask Me Anything in the comments below!

It sounds like you're experiencing a combination of panic, derealization, and intrusive thoughts. Harm OCD can present with urges and sensations that feel overwhelming. I’ve experienced something similar. I used to get urges and intrusive phrases like, ‘Light your hair on fire,’ and they felt incredibly real. I would panic, feel the need to escape, and even hear ringing in my ears. It felt like an out-of-body experience. I later learned that this was my fight-or-flight response—a panic attack. Through ERP, I learned to sit with the discomfort instead of reacting to it. It was terrifying to let it pass without trying to stop it, but that was the approach I had to take. I allowed the panic and sensations to happen without engaging, and over time, their intensity and frequency changed. If this keeps happening, you might find it useful to explore how you respond to it. My ERP therapist helped by guiding me through these emotions and sensations.

@AnonymityK Should I be worried what happened to me when it keeps occurring ? I’m just really anxious and scared that kept happening thinking there’s something wrong with me more than just panic and ocd and also doing the harm When I’m Not alert ?

@Anonymous - I can really feel the weight of what you're experiencing. The doubt you're feeling about whether it’s more than just panic and OCD is actually a part of the disorder. OCD can be incredibly convincing, making you feel like something is wrong with you or that you’re capable of doing things you fear, but that’s not the reality. OCD is a liar, and it thrives on creating uncertainty and making you question yourself. It’s also ego-dystonic, which means it goes against your true values and who you really are, making you fear things you don’t want to act on or believe. In my own experience with ERP, I learned the concept of radical acceptance—accepting the discomfort of the thought or urge instead of fighting it. For example, when I had an urge to do harm, I didn’t try to avoid it or push it away. Instead, I leaned into the discomfort by acknowledging the thought. If my OCD said, 'You’re going to hurt your daughter,' I would say, 'That’s a weird thought or urge,' and let it be there without reacting to it. Over time, by not engaging with the thought, I noticed it lost its power. The more you lean into these uncomfortable feelings and accept them for what they are, the less control OCD has. It’s not easy, but I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. Imagine that OCD is like a broken alarm clock that’s constantly ringing. The ringing may be loud and irritating, but just because it’s ringing doesn’t mean you need to fix it right now. You can move on with your life even though the alarm clock keeps ringing. It’s about learning to live your life despite the noise, and over time, the ringing becomes less impactful. Are you currently in active ERP therapy? If not, it might be worth considering, as it could really support you in learning more tools to work through this, like it did with me.

@AnonymityK That’s what I need help with when I try to lean into the urge I’m still very fearful is this normal in the beginning? And also did you experience dpdr ? OCD makes me believe I’m leaving in a dream and I’ll do the harm while in this state

@Anonymous Yes, it’s normal to feel a lot of fear when you first try to lean into the urge—OCD thrives on doubt, and the fear doesn’t go away instantly. I’ve experienced DPDR too, and during it, I felt like I was on autopilot, which made the intrusive thoughts feel even more unsettling. My therapist helped me process that state and understand what was happening in my brain. If you have access to therapy, I really recommend looking into it—OCD is complex, especially when it overlaps with other things and it’s super helpful having someone to guide you and help you through the scary moments, specially at the beginning. this article explains more about depersonalization and OCD, which might be helpful: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/existential-ocd/fear-of-depersonalization-ocd.” I know it’s hard, you are strong! Reach out with anymore questions!

@eemasiongale Thank you! I am glad you found my process encouraging. ❤️💕

@AnonymityK Hey, I’m currently in my 5th month of therapy. I am still doing compulsions every single day, and they are consistent in my life. I try to avoid compulsions but it gives me way too much anxiety because in October when this all started I am like literally traumatized from that month and I never want to be in that place again, that’s preventing me from avoiding compulsions. I know compulsions aren’t helpful, but I choose that over being in that scary place I was months ago. Any advice for that?? Also I feel like a lost cause because this is my 5th month in therapy and I show no improvement.

@ynnej First off, I think it’s great that you’ve sought help and that you’re reflecting on your compulsions. It’s really important to remember that everyone’s journey with OCD looks different, so try not to compare your progress to someone else’s. The fact that you’re aware of your compulsions is already a step in the right direction. That said, we both know how OCD works—it convinces us that compulsions are necessary to avoid distress, but in reality, they only provide temporary relief and make the cycle stronger over time. The more we give in, the more power OCD gains. I know resisting compulsions feels terrifying, especially after what you went through in October, but the only way to truly weaken OCD is by not engaging. It’s not about waiting until it feels easier—it’s about taking small steps even when it feels impossible. Maybe start with one compulsion and see if you can delay or resist it, even for a little while. You’re not a lost cause. OCD wants you to believe that, but it’s not true. Progress isn’t always linear, and five months of therapy doesn’t mean you should be ‘cured’—it means you’re still in the process of learning. Keep going, and keep challenging OCD where you can!

Thank you so much! I believe you can face your fears too. :)

Yes, I still have intrusive thoughts, but they don’t bother me anymore. OCD tends to show up at random times, especially during significant life changes. I can’t pinpoint a specific frequency because it happens unpredictably. However, when it does, I know how to handle it. It used to take me days or even weeks to break the cycle, but now I can move through it much more quickly.

I could not agree more! Good look to you as well! <3

@heatseekermatt Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. Starting ERP was definitely daunting, but it got easier over time. I know how overwhelming ROCD can be, but you’re already taking steps by recognizing it and working through it. Have you considered trying ERP? I found it really challenging at first, but it made a huge difference. Wishing you strength on your journey!

@AnonymityK It’s not a problem at all, im really glad you found it worked for you! I’ve given it some thought, I haven’t gone through the process of getting started with therapy as of yet. I want to give it a go, I want to try recognise and work on myself in case waiting lists are huge. Thank you so much, I appreciate it!! Likewise, it’s all a journey!

@heatseekermatt nocd seems to be pretty good with having therapist that are available . Maybe it has gotten more busy since I started in June

@Anonymous Excellent, thank you for letting me know. I wasn’t sure as I’m not from the US if using therapists on NOCD would cost money, as I’d be able to go to therapy in my country if I go to the doctors

@heatseekermatt Ahhh I see! You can always call and see if nocd takes your insurance . I’m not sure . Whether it’s nocd or an erp therapist near you, it’s a treatment I can say I am very satisfied with

I did experience something similar. I have OCD, and a sub-type of it called relationship OCD (ROCD). During a flare-up, I would fixate on things about my husband, questioning whether I really loved him. I would analyze moments where I didn’t feel patient or when I didn’t agree with something he said, and tell myself maybe that meant I didn’t love him. It was a constant cycle of doubt and confusion, and it really took a toll on me. As for why you might feel convinced you’ll harm someone despite knowing it’s not something you want, that’s a pattern OCD creates. OCD thrives on uncertainty and tries to convince you that you’re capable of things you fear, even though you don’t believe in them. The intensity of those thoughts can feel overwhelming and convincing, but that’s the nature of OCD—it’s not about what you truly want to do; it’s about the discomfort and fear the thoughts bring. The reason these OCD thoughts feel so "sticky/real" is because OCD latches onto things that are deeply important or sensitive to us, like our values or relationships. It keeps these thoughts in the foreground by making them seem urgent and emotionally charged. The more you try to push them away or solve them, the stronger they can become, feeding into the cycle of doubt and anxiety.

Yes, this is something that can happen with OCD. When you engage with the urges or trigger them, like with someone saying something that makes the thoughts stronger, it’s common for the feelings to become more intense. OCD works by making you feel like you have to do something to prove you're not going to act on the thought, which only makes the urges feel bigger. The more you resist or try to fight the thought, the more powerful it can feel. The key is to face these feelings and allow them to be there without acting on them, which over time helps reduce their power.

@Anonymous Yes, I still do ERP sessions with my therapist, where we practice not giving in to compulsions. I’ve been doing ERP for almost two years, and while I’m in the maintenance phase now; seeing my therapist every two months or sometimes longer, I still get flare-ups from time to time. Our sessions aren’t as structured anymore, but if I need extra support, I reach out, and she sets up an exposure for our next session. It’s important to keep practicing your skills even in maintenance. You might not always need long, structured sessions, but ERP is still part of daily life. Sometimes, that just means using response prevention when a thought shows up. Other times, if I notice my intrusive thoughts becoming more recurrent, I go back to the basics and do structured exposures on my own or with my therapist’s support. One thing I learned from her is that the best time to practice response prevention is actually when things are quiet, not just during flare-ups. Being more intentional with ERP now can help keep your progress steady, so it’s great that you’re working on it!

@AnonymityK Thank you so much

@Smiley penguin The hardest weeks of ERP were definitely at the beginning because each session challenged me in a different way. At first, I had to do it scared and unmotivated—I just had to show up. Every session was difficult until I really started using the skills and resisting compulsions. Over time, I noticed shifts, and that made it easier to keep going. The work didn’t get easier, but my ability to handle it did.

@olivia_123 Great question! I haven’t personally experienced POCD, but in ERP, exposures are tailored to each person’s specific fears. For POCD, exposures might include writing out feared scenarios, looking at neutral images without analyzing feelings, or sitting with uncertainty instead of mentally arguing against thoughts. A trained ERP therapist would determine the best exposure scenarios based on your specific fears to ensure they’re effective and appropriate.