false memory half asleep

I hate when false memory targets memories where I was half asleep. For example, earlier this morning im guessing 2-3 am i dunno but I was half asleep, I turned my head and saw my cats butt in my face. I grabbed my cat tail and put the tail over his butt, so his butt will not be in my face and his tail will cover it. I think he ended up moving to cuddle, or I grabbed him to cuddle with me., but my cat ended up licking my hand and it gave me a groinal response. I am pretty sure that moment it did make me feel weird and uncomfortable, but I just tried to sit with it and ignore. I’m also sure that I just told my cat to leave, or just let him go. But my ocd is making me feel like i did something wrong or like WHAT IF YOU DID. Like no matter how much i try to figure it out my chest hurts so bad and i keep rethinking about it and i can’t find where I did something wrong but my brain is like what if you did this but you were half asleep so u don’t remember. Like this is super difficult. My chest hurts so bad like im trying to not think about it but wtf.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

Trying to figure out what you did wrong is a compulsion, the longer you analyze and try to figure it out, the worse the OCD gets. The reason is because there is not answer to that question because IF you HAD done something actually wrong, the answer would be obvious, you wouldn't have to re-think and replay the scenario over and over again. You got an icky feeling that was caused by OCD but your brain doesn't recognize that, its using emotional reasoning " well, your cat licked you, you got an ikcy feeling, soo logically that mean you did something to cause that icky feeling, so you have to figure out what that thing was." meanwhile OCD hides in the background avoiding all accountability for being the entire cause. OCD is content with you wasting you life trying to find answers that don't exist to questions that never even needed to be asked.

dee012

Date posted: 25w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you Texas ocd. I really appreciate your advice and help. I hate this compulsion, it feels like I HAVE TO think and figure it out Or that means I did something wrong. The more I try to think about it the worse I feel. I even picked up my cat to try and reenact the moment such as me cuddling with him, seeing where he licked my arm. And seeing if I let him go in the way I thought. My cat is probably like “why does she keep picking me up! Why does she keep moving me lol” … and it’s because now me interacting with my cats has become a compulsion. I just feel so sad, I guess the anxiety is turning into helplessness and sadness. Like I just wish this would go away. I wake up on the verge of tears every morning but… I know I can get through this. Your advice helps a lot😞😞 I am grateful for you and the others on here who consistently respond to my stuff it makes me feel like I am not alone. This is all so convincing like I don’t know if ocd can do this but it makes me feel like gaps in my memory are there, so it starts inserting these “memories” of me doing something bad and being like “what if”.. also because my ocd has targeted my pets before and I already mentioned to u about that + the compulsions that happened so it makes this all worse like more convincing I guess. New ERP moment I guess. Maybe.. maybe not. I’m not gonna try to figure it out.. lol

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

@dee012 Exactly, everything you described is ocd tricks, including the “ memory gaps”. Do you like rock music? There is a song by Godsmack called surrender that reminds me of Ocd. I listen to it when I need some sort of reminder it’s all just to ocd.

dee012

Date posted: 25w

@TexasOCD41 Yes I do like rock music. I will give it a listen! I hate how real this feels.. like actually convincing. Just feels like a nightmare. Hopefully I can conquer this so in my next life I do not go through this again.

dee012

Date posted: 25w

It’s like when I keep rethinking over and over, there are gaps in my memory Even though it just happened, but way early in the morning. I felt weird when all of this happened but like idk i was so tired! I was just like whatever nothing bad happened im gonna go to sleep, I felt a little anxious feeling like what if I did something bad (this happens all the time, even if the moment happened 5 minutes go) I wish I would’ve atleast ruminated on it right after like I usually do(bad I know) so I could’ve atleast remembered most of this moment.. I just feel so sad. Why is this so convincing!! I know I didn’t do anything wrong I literally would’ve known or something… I hate this :(

dee012

Date posted: 25w

False memory ocd Help Please

Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty

dee012

Date posted: 24w

false memory ocd :(

TW// MENTION OF DR8GS, SXUAL CONTENT false memory ocd is targeting my earlier teen years, around 16, I had a friend and we both did droogs (spelled it like that for a reason) one time together. I was scared to do the other stuff we had so she did it. but I remember us like touching eachothers chest as like girl stuff I guess idk it was weird lol… like about our sizes but then later on I had asked her smthng about ohh “would u ever wanna do stuff? or would u feel like that’s weird” something along those lines… and I remember her saying “ohhh I mean idk I would but I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us”.. now here’s my thing. I remember just agreeing and accepting it and moving on, but obviously feeling weird cus that was sortve rejection. But my brain is saying what if u kept asking? Or questioned her? (We never did anything but likeee my ocd is like what if u tried to push it) and my brain is like what if u wanted to do it just bc she was under influence? I wanted us both to do it while under influence 1. Because we wouldn’t be anxious 2. I thought it would be fun at the time 3. I felt like it would be less weird if we were high. I did not PLAN for us to do these substances just for this reason but it was in my head that maybe we would do stuff if we had a sleepover or something plus I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and I also like girls. All im thinking is what if she said yes? MY high wore off before hers and hers was lasting longer so she would’ve been under the influence and that would’ve been super bad I would’ve felt like I 🍇 her or something… that’s why im scared right now. Idk if these what ifs are true and I literally am sick with uncertainty. If it’s true that would make me feel so terrible, like a predator (like I tried to coerce her or something) but idk what’s true and what’s not. I just remember this false memory being triggered by the fact that I asked when we were on stuff but my stuff had already wore off is what’s bothering me. (We took different things) I remember worrying about this false memory before, and was able to move on. Also me and that girl were friends for a couple years after that until we fell out over stupidity. And we also had sleepovers after that and idk if I already asked her for reassurance like ohhh are u sure I didn’t make u uncomfortable.. but idk if I did. I want to ask but I can’t because I guess she is not around right now. Like MIA.(her own personal stuff im assuming) Any advice would help :(

amelia:3

Date posted: 24w

how to deal with real event + false memory??

im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!

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false memory half asleep

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