ocd flashes + doubt

does anyone else get flashbacks of things they’ve seen due to giving into their compulsion??? whenever i’m having a remotely normal time or having fun or thinking of making a big decision i have flashes of videos or pictures or just made up scenarios that are related to horrible things i’ve seen and compulsively watched and did stuff with. it immediately kills my mood and makes me ruminate about it and i think about it over and over. i find myself wondering if ocd drew me to do those things or if it was genuine attraction. what if im a horrible monster who’s into awful and illegal and morally wrong stuff??? what if im using ocd to cover it up and it’s not ocd it’s just i thing i was into??? these thoughts are never ending and show up at the worst times. i’m terrified all the time. it renders me sick & unable to make any decision because i’m afraid if i choose to do so it’ll make everybody aware of the things child me/young teenage me did. it feels like all my past traumas and experiences are being blasted on a jumbotron. i’m even scared to post this. again does anyone else know what i mean + does anyone know how to “get over” this feeling/any tips???

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

I’ve experienced those flashes of things that didn’t happen or things that did happen but are being presented by the OCD in a very over the top and overwhelming intense way. And it would hit me during random times like having a conversation or when I was eating or something. I think the fact that you are horrified by the thoughts demonstrates that you aren’t a monster or a weirdo. The OCD is making you fixate on and wallow in these thoughts because it knows how scared and uncomfortable they make you feel. OCD is in our mind so it has access to the things in our mind that we’re ashamed of, that we’re scared of etc. Every OCD manifestation I’ve dealt with basically operates in the same way, so the same skills and strategies work for all of them even if in the moment it definitely doesn’t feel that way. But trust me, you can work through this. Interact with the thoughts as little as you can. Let them pass and let the fear and disgust subside on its own. Don’t argue with yourself. Don’t stop what you’re doing. Focus on what you’re doing and let the fear go away on its own. It might take a while but it is possible. It seems almost impossible at the beginning but consistent practice can bring real results. Also another strategy you could try is to interact differently with the thoughts than you currently do. For instance, when I would get really ugly or scary thoughts my instinct would be to tell myself, no that didn’t happen, I would never do that. I didn’t do that. I don’t want to do that. And I’ll look around to make sure no one heard or noticed my scary thoughts even though realistically no one could have noticed because it’s only in my head but when you’re in the thick of it, it doesn’t feel that way. But bottomline all those reactions are giving the OCD what it wants. You’re feeding the fear. But what if instead you told yourself: So what if I did do that? What if people do know? In fact, I hope people know. I hope everyone knows. Of course this is all an internal conversation and honestly this strategy sounds silly but it might help you throw your OCD off its game because you’re not feeding the fear. You’re instead reacting in the exact opposite way than what it wants.

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 22w

dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

dee012

Date posted: 21w

anyone else?

maybe a therapist can respond or anyone who relates and experiences this also?? im trying to make sense . ever since ocd started, specifically harm ocd and pocd, sexual themes ocd in general, my brain makes everything sexual or gross. or just makes inappropriate connections with quite literally anything. or any person I see I wonder if they are a p, or if they are “like me”, because im fully convinced at times that im some weird or bad person, and then when i see actual criminals etc i cant help but compare myself to them it’s so weird?????? or sometimes I feel like i cant judge a p because im no different than them?? idk its so weird. rn writing this ik im not a p like what im just struggling with really bad ocd and trauma I hope :( It’s just my brain distorts everything and then it makes me feel worse, like “ur an actual p or pervert because see??? ur brain is sexualizing everything?” hopefully this makes sense

Anonymous2212

Date posted: 20w

False Memory/ ROCD

I am diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, and mild depression. But my OCD symptoms are so prominent in my daily life where it feels debilitating. It comes in waves, there will be months with very minor symptoms and other times where it comes in random hitting me like a truck making me rethink life. I grew up having intrusive thoughts of all types, and a lot of them sent me over the edge because I couldn’t understand why things of such sort would cross my mind, things that I’m sure to this day that I’m incapable of or would never want to actually do. Yet I find myself in a constant cycle of trying to dig deep in the past and trying to figure out if I ever acted on any of the intrusive thoughts I can remember, yet ofc have no recollection of acting on them because they most likely didn’t happen. However, not having concrete proof of these things makes me not want to see another day sometimes. It is so hard to move into daily basis like this. I’m also in a happy healthy relationship and sometimes I get these thoughts of “what if I’ve done something awful during the relationship (for example, cheat, dishonesty, etc.) and can’t remember?” I know I would never do anything intentionally to harm my relationship and I think that maybe the idea of not having my partner sends me down a rabbit hole to think all these things. This mental fight is getting harder and harder. It feels unbearable. Does anyone have some fruit for thought, relate, or have any tips?

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ocd flashes + doubt

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