Looked in the mirror this morning and officially saw my ribs. Realizing how bad this is all getting and feel like there’s nothing I can do. Also my hand washing is getting worse. My hands burn and my knuckles are starting to bleed. Haven’t used the bathroom once today cause cleaning the toilet requires more energy than I have since I’m not eating ?... not eating cause I’m afraid food is contaminated. Perfectionism OCD hit me hard at work today when a coworker did something that wasn’t to my standard of perfect and I had an anxiety attack. Feel like I’m falling apart, I’m depressed, exhausted and hungry. OCD is killing me and I just want a break.

We can power through together. I know we’re not alone, does feel like it sometimes though. If I can get myself to eat something I’d like to find the energy to spend the day baking. Baking is all I really enjoy doing and I haven’t been able to for a while since I’ve had such low energy

Me too. I was doing fine for a bit but tonight really hit me in my soul. Please don’t give up. I felt like giving up tonight too but I’m trying my best to power through it. I’m right there with you ?

JBird88, hope you can spend today doing something you enjoy. Hopefully that helps bring you up out of the dark a little.

Can you find some ‘safe’ foods? Mine was rice, although I’m back to a semi-normal diet now. Even if the only thing you can get yourself to eat is rice or crackers or something, it’s still energy for your body, which means it’s a victory. Any food in the world is going to be a win if it’s food that you’ll eat- Jello, Twinkies, Cocoa Puffs, whatever it is you can get yourself to think of as ‘safe’. Once you’ve got some kind of food you can eat, you will have the energy to work on expanding that list to include more foods.

For the hand washing- gloves? A box of nitrile exam gloves might help- then you can just put on new gloves rather than washing your hands. That way, they’ll be protected until the knuckles can heal and the skin can recover from the frequent washings. This is only a short-term, crisis-mode suggestion, of course, but might help you keep from causing actual physical harm to yourself while you work on breaking the compulsions. You could also maybe try switching some hand washing to hand sanitizer- that’s what I’ve done and it’s been really good for me in terms of my hands being less dry and having less cracking and bleeding. I try to use hand sanitizer rather than washing my hands at least once a day, usually more.

For me, safe foods come and go. A food that was safe yesterday isn’t safe today. It’s really frustrating cause I’ll think I finally found something safe to eat then I find a reason why it’s not safe. Lately packaged foods have been ok but I get anxious if I touch the outside of the package then touch the food.

I work at a bakery so when my hands start bleeding I have to use gloves. I play it off as having dry skin and hating lotion. But it does help my hands heal cause then I’m washing gloves and not my hands. I really hate things being on my hands like lotion or sanitizer. I feel like I lose control over where I spread the substance that’s on my hands.

Yeah, that sounds familiar. Opening the package, going to wash hands, coming back and then eating was my process for a long time. Then I’d get anxious about the package having been open while I washed my hands. It’s truly a vicious cycle, isn’t it?

It’s miserable. I just really want it to go away. ?