Diaper Check

Started therapy recently and I feel like I’ve gone from being triggered every few days to every few hours. It’s like, I can’t even get out of bed for an hour before something new happens. I’m a stay at home dad with a 2 year old. This morning, I hesitated checking his diaper by patting him, just because any sort of touching in his diaper area makes me anxious or causes intrusive thoughts. But, I did it anyway, only for my brain to then go, “His diaper is always wet in the morning, why did you need to check?” I have this huge fear of accidentally doing something inappropriate or harmful, so any kind of touching, that isn’t completely necessary, feels harmful. At this point I’m just trying to survive between therapy sessions, but the risk of sitting with uncertainty with this theme, feels so strong and I feel so irresponsible by not trying to “figure it out”.

things_willg...

Date posted: 23w

hi ! just wanted to say i’m proud of you for starting therapy ! therapy can trigger most people , especially since it’s “ opening wounds “ that we’ve been experiencing for awhile but haven’t done the ground work to heal from. i’m gonna give you a little insight to some of my own experiences and intrusive thoughts like this , because i myself will admit it … for example, i would babysit my little nephew when he was a baby ( newborn -2/3 yrs old) i’ve personally always felt weird around diaper changes or bathing but i think it’s because i don’t see them any differently if that makes sense ? what i mean is , i would get uncomfortable seeing a naked woman or man just as much as i get uncomfortable seeing a baby with no diaper or anything on. so it just feels wrong whenever i wipe there bum or wipe there private part due to them having peed in the previous diaper so i want to make sure they’re all wiped an clean because i would feel just as uncomfortable doing that to anyone else … you’re cautious and you notice that thought and intrusiveness and it feels so real to the point you want to scream ! things will get better. i know what it’s like , and i just wanna let you know you’re not alone.

hulder

Date posted: 23w

@olivia_123 Thank you. Yeah, it’s like once I started therapy, I went from having one trigger every few weeks to now I have multiple all day every day. I never get a break from it. And I know therapy helps deal with triggers but I feel like I’m still learning to deal with them and so many happen at once. But yeah, I sometimes have struggles with worrying about intentions, but a lot of the time I have this big fear of accidentally causing harm because I wasn’t thinking or made a mistake. Especially because causing harm to someone I love doesn’t seem like something I could ever come back from. So the worry is very strong.

FaithSheagren

Date posted: 25w

Intrusive thoughts about intrusive thoughts

Hi everyone. I’ve been doing therapy for about two months now and I would say it’s slowly helping me a lot. I explained to her the breathing techniques and “sitting in the anxiety for a bit” and I feel like those are helping. But then my therapist said “don’t sit in the thought because then you might act on it”. I don’t “sit in the thought” but rather i sit in the anxiety to comdition my brain into thinking it’s not a threat. But ever since yesterday, my therapy appointment, I’ve been really shooken up. Even though I don’t “sit in the thought” I feel like a bad person that she even had to bring it up even though I explained it wrong. I’m so upset I feel like I just took 3000 steps back from my progress and this little thing is really scaring me. Am I a bad person? I don’t want to act on any of my thoughts and it scares me so bad I hate living.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

ughhhh

Date posted: 13w

Coping techniques before i freak out?

Advice, coping techniques, just distraction needed. Yesterday night, my parents asked me if I could take care of my baby brother and I’ve been wanting to help them out so of course I said yes, and I was taking care of him with my other brother. A big fear of mine that I’ve told my therapist about is that my OCD will latch on to my new baby brother. It hasn’t happened since he has come home with us, but now I feel like something is brewing. My little brother is prone to throwing up so he already got the shirt He was wearing all dirty so I went to my mom‘s room and decided to change his onesie. I called my other brother for help by helping me sit him up while I put the shirt over his head after the shirt went over his head. My other brother was walking out and that’s when I clipped the buttons on the bottom of the onesie and continued to carry him around the house, but it’s that action that my mind is obsessing over. Me clipping the buttons of my baby brother’s onesie. I can’t get over it. My mind keeps replaying that one thing because my thoughts are saying “oh what if you accidentally inappropriately touched him “ and I even went out of my way to avoid touching his diaper because I knew my head would start spinning shit like this. But ever since last night, I can’t stop thinking if I accidentally traumatized my little brother some how. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve helped my mom change my brother‘s clothes before. My parents literally check his diaper if he soiled himself, but when I do anything that has to do with making sure my brother is clean and healthy my head tries to make me feel sick and crazy. The thoughts are getting worse and getting to the point where my head is trying to make me feel like I’m weird for wanting to change my brother out of his dirty clothes. I’m just so scared that these thoughts are gonna get worse and I’m trying not to freak out right now so I went for a walk outside. But im still getting such intense anxiety. I dont know how to cope or what to do advice coping techniques would be a such a help ive been doing so good with avoiding compulsions. I just need help to ground myself. I dont want to go to my mom with this ill feel worse. Is me writing this a compulsion?

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