Not in a good place

My OCD wants to kill me. I have been crying to the point of nausea and the idea of carrying this disorder for the rest of my life has put my body in a state of fight or flight for well over 5 years. I’m exhausted, I’m tired, no one messages me because all I talk about is my OCD because that IS my day, week, month etc. I’m a struggling alcoholic because of this fucking disorder and it’s too much, I want to drink so bad but I know I’ll mess with my medication in a pretty scary way. But at this point I’m starting to not care. I’m scared and it feels like a bad dream where no one understands what I’m going through. Sorry for the word dump, I need to vent here because at least you guys get it.

moon0270

Date posted: 39w

sorry to hear that you're battling with this. OCD can be incredibly isolating. i do hope things can get better and that the support this community can offer helps to lessen your burden 🫂🫂🤍

Generiname

Date posted: 39w

@moon027097 Thank you. I like this site but it can get too much when you see people confessing for reassurance, especially when the topics are particularity triggering. It’s like looking in a mirror sometimes

cheyennepohl

Date posted: 39w

Hello! First of all. I am so proud of you. You’re recognizing what’s good and bad for you and that is such an incredible skill to develop. You also came here to vent which is actually really healthy! I saw some of myself in this post and it was quite comforting. I know the feeling of starting to not care, feeling like there’s no end to your mental illness and like no matter how hard you try nothing is working. We are for here for you, thank you for sharing, and know that all your hard work IS. PAYING. OFF!! Often our biggest changes happen in the smallest ways until one day they’ve all built up and you really see how far you’ve come. Sending you all the love. I know this is all extremely hard. You got this.❤️

Generiname

Date posted: 39w

@cheyennepohl Thank you. I’ve developed a new ROCD fixation that is ruining my brain chemistry. I just wish these horrid symptoms would give me a break on my rare good days. I have therapy soon, so I’m hoping to get a lot off my chest then. I’m struggling not buying alcohol but I’m remaining in bed until the shops close so there are no temptations

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