Real Event Ocd

My ocd latches on to past mistakes. i fear that God is formulating a situation to “give me what i deserve.” I will string together completely unrelated events into the predictors/indicators that my ‘judgement day’ is near and all my wrongdoings will be exposed for everyone to see and my life will be ruined by finally getting the punishment i deserve. I fear that God is going to use someone who is out to get me, wants revenge, hates me, etc, to carry this out. The associated compulsion is that i keep track of my mistakes and practice arguments for defending myself so that when the time comes im ready for anything. I also punish myself with guilt so that i can “get ahead” on any bad feelings that i would experience on my judgement day. It’s all so exhausting. Does anyone relate? Does anyone have a similar existence? Would love to hear about others’ experiences. Thank you for reading.

JustMe28

Date posted: 21w

I dwell on my mistakes so badly that it gets physically exhausting. I’ve been able to open up about the mistakes I’ve made to my family and they assure me that I didn’t do anything wrong and that what I did isn’t “that bad”. But my mind keeps convincing myself that I did the worst thing in the world. I constantly think about it and I’m convinced my life will never be better or “normal” again.

Buddyfriend

Date posted: 21w

@justacreative5972 Thank you for sharing your experience. I can only imagine how this impacts your relationships with your family. I relate to your struggle. I remember being a child and feeling so incredibly awful about things i did wrong that just were never that deep. In my adulthood, my ocd latches on to things I did when I was a teenager that were wrong. You know, those stupid things a rebellious teen does. Those actions were years ago, and also again really not THAT bad. I have grown up, and am a different person. but I still feel like I need to be held accountable. It feels like there is no moving on. I also know what you mean by “life will never be better or normal again”. It’s like the life altering mistake that i’ll will never be able to recover from. Its almost feels like being banished or exiled from my real life.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

I literally feel like crying cause I finally felt understood. I totally totally feel this same way!!!!! Like I try to formulate ways to defend myself cause “you never know” and I just always feel so gross and like I’m a bad person

Buddyfriend

Date posted: 21w

@Anonymous Wow! I can’t believe it’s not just me. Thank you for responding. This theme has been so strong the past few days for me. I was recently nominated for an award and it has just triggered me so much because I fear someone is going to see that and think “If people knew who they really were, they wouldn’t give them this award.” Makes me sick to my stomach!

Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

@Buddyfriend Yes!!! But you are so deserving of your award! Congratulations!!! I think recognizing past mistakes is a big indicator of you being a great person and looking for ways to be your best self. Everyday is an opportunity!!!

Buddyfriend

Date posted: 21w

@Anonymous Thank you for the encouragement! That was so helpful to me.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21w

Hi to all of you who responded to Buddyfriend's message. How exhausting this must be for you! Do you have experience resisting these compulsions? How often do you find yourselves creating an acceptable argument? I would guess not very often because OCD creates urges to find answers for answerless questions. All the therapists at NOCD treat this! Feel free to reach out at treatmyocd.com

jennamax20

Date posted: 21w

If you are a Christian, "a quiet mind to suffer with" by John Andrew Bryant was earth shatteringly good

jennamax20

Date posted: 21w

If you are a Christian, "a quiet mind to suffer with" by John Andrew Bryant was earth shatteringly good

ItsMeEli

Date posted: 16w

Real event/ guilt OCD

Hey guys, for the past three months I’ve been obsessing over a mistake I made about 6 months ago, I constantly have panic attacks and wake up in fight or flight mode I have convinced myself that someone is gonna find me somehow and punish me. I have endlessly looked up reassurance that what I did wouldn’t get me in trouble or something, I have filled up 5 different ChatGPT chats and it tells me it’s 100% certain nothing will happen. But then I convince myself well everyone says not to trust it and then I just spiral again. The point is I’m just scared, I’ve convinced myself this isn’t OCD because it’s something I actually did wrong. I can’t stop looking for reassurance because that’s the only thing that makes me feel safe anymore. Everyone tells me, just say maybe, maybe not, but my brain has convinced me the stakes are too high. I’m too scared and I don’t know what to do.

Real Events OCD

Db99

Date posted: 11w

Past haunting you?

With real event OCD, I don’t know if any of you feel this way, but do you ever feel that the past event(s) that you ruminate about or constantly obsess about are gonna come up in your future and just absolutely ruin you, that’s how I’ve been feeling for months, it just feels like impending doom, and I hate having to even think that my future would be ruined by what I did as a teenager, and I did some dumb things, that I regret so deeply, I just can’t stop thinking about that.

GHOST22

Date posted: 9w

Real Event OCD

Just bombarded with the guilt of past mistakes. Not knowing the outcome of things makes it worse. Seeing things/signs that are associated with the real event I obsess about everyday. I see it in tv, you tube, songs and everything. It's so scary how it's everywhere

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Real Event Ocd

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