I have had suicidal OCD for over a year now. I just am struggling to fight it tonight. I just have an enormous amount of self doubt and I can’t stop wondering if I’ll ever make it through this or not. My life is great but I just feel miserable every day. Any encouragement helps. Thanks
Wondering if you will make it through is a compulsion ( rumination). It’s going to be so hard, but you have to stop wondering. I struggle with this daily, but after intense therapy I can finally live my life with the thoughts just kinda there.
@Endlessly Pondering I have made so much progress and I feel mostly ok at work but always worse after. Tonight is just extra bad cause I responded to the thoughts instead of just letting them be. Ugh this sucks
@MPfeif14 You got this! Some times we have bad days, back on the saddle tomorrow ♥️
Try not to focus on the thoughts, don't let them make you wonder about different scenarios or possibilities. Sit with the discomfort as much as you can. I recommend focusing on your five senses and describing the feelings loudly in your head.
@Kands Thank you. I love the profile pic ❤️
I used to have this theme big time. It's so confusing and it sucks. I also thought I'd never get through it. I couldn't bear to make any plans for the future because I honestly didn't think I'd be alive in a few months time. It now hasn't bothered me for roughly 7 years. I credit that to mindfulness, meditation, and ERP. I highly recommend all 3, and am happy to talk about any of them. Anyone who has seen my posts on here knows I can type WAY TOO MUCH about any of this stuff, haha. I don't know, I just like nerding out over it all. Some tiny encouragement: the thoughts aren't the problem and you don't have to get rid of them to live a better life. It's a matter of changing your response to them. If you can do that, eventually they won't bother you anymore and fall into the background along with the other tens of thousands of thoughts you have every day.
@djflorio Thank you ❤️. I feel the same way about making plans. I have a bucket list concert overseas in August and all I can think about is if I’ll be alive by the time it rolls around. Did you ever hit a phase where you felt like 2/3 better and you got frustrated because you just want to move past it and you’re almost there? That’s how I feel these days but today is just extra bad
@MPfeif14 - I remember there being a really rapid boost in progress when I first started to work on it, which was super encouraging, but there was definitely a lot of discouragement any time I fell back into the cycle. Like, "ugh I thought I was over that." I think at some point I just finally understood that there were going to be ups and downs. At that point, the more I learned about the brain, mindfulness, how thoughts work, etc, the better I got (still not a straight line, but trending in the positive). And it just slowly fizzled away. Another realization that was really helpful was that my goal shouldn't be to prove that I'll never do it. My goal is to accept the uncertainty of life. Because frankly, I can't tell you with complete certainty that it will never happen. No one can be sure of that, no matter how great their life is going. Life circumstances change. Our mental states change. And when you think about it, it's no different than any other way of dying. I also can't tell you that I'll never be in a car accident, get a brain aneurysm, have a heart attack, etc. No amount of thinking and obsessing will protect me from any of those things, just like with suicide. The only thing I can be certain about is that it's not happening right now in the present, which is all that matters. The present is all you need to find peace.
I am struggling with the same theme so I know how you feel & how hard it can be. Try not to think too much about the future, just focus on the present moment. Putting on a comfort show or a comedy film usually helps me esp when the thoughts are strong.
@Holl1 Thanks I was just about to do that actually
Good evening, Thank you for reaching out! I wonder how you've been doing since you made this post. Sometimes OCD can really stick and drain our energy. It is hard! As you become aware that OCD is pushing you around, that is your opportunity right then to choose how you want to respond in that moment. We always have an opportunity to pause and check in with ourselves when we notice OCD creep in with the thoughts/images/urges. Please be gentle with yourself through this process. You are doing good work. I am glad you are here :) You can learn more about harm OCD here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLkX7MRYGvc You can also call the NOCD Care Team to discuss treatment options to get started with ERP. If you're unfamiliar with ERP, please take a look here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEWzOAGaypY Treatmyocd.com
Same :/ relapsing and my thoughts have shifted toward “you’re not happy, you don’t want to be here, you’re disconnected, this isn’t going to get better, you’re doomed, what’s the point” which makes me so anxious and paralyzed/freaked out! Have broken down all week. I think the ocd shifted and stuck on these because I was doing erp well with the other suicidal ocd thoughts and getting better and my brain was like oh these ones are even tougher for you. My encouragement is you’re not alone! We got this
I feel like no one cares about me... Im struggling in college and it just feels like I cant catch a break... Ive made bad choices that make me a bad person... I have to be uncertain about worst case POCD scenarios that may or may not have happened unknowingly... I genuinely dont feel like any one cares about me... and if I pass away, ill be laughed at and forgotten by everyone... Im alone with no gf, barely any friends, and I cant even be certain that my POCD fears of unknowingly cybering with a minor did or didnt happen... im stuck in hell...
Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this
I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless
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