How to stop reassurance?

I thankfully conquered harm ocd but I’m going through a flare up with relationship OCD, which I never got over. I know how bad reassurance seeking is but I can’t seem to quit. I ask my mom the same question countless times and it never helps. I feel bad because she tries to help and prevent me from seeking reassurance but I drive her crazy because I keep asking anyways. And if I don’t ask her, I reassure myself in my head. How are we supposed to resist these compulsions fully if we’re so scared? It feels as if I’ll never be confident enough to trust my own beliefs, even when I recover in the future with ERP

JediMJ

Date posted: 13w

I hear that you are scared and struggling. I think we can all relate. You resist these compulsions because you realize they are just feeding the cycle. You seem to know this: ”I ask my mom the same question countless times and it never helps.” You can stop. One thing that has worked for me is to allow myself to ask for reassurance ONCE and then accept the answer. I get one ask and that’s it. Then I move on. My OCD brain may want to ask again in 5 minutes. I tell myself that I’ve already asked. (I also tell them not to answer me if I accidentally ask again.) My brain might say something like, “they might have lied” and I say, “maybe they did, maybe they didn’t, but you asked and you have your answer, let it go.” And then I go for a walk or play music to give my brain something new to think about. Now, my main flavor of OCD is ROCD and maybe my “ask once” technique doesn’t work for other areas. I don’t know. But I came up with that because I didn’t think asking to be reassured about something was problematic, it was my not believing the answer and obsessing…letting my fear run the show. And that is a choice we can make. It doesn’t seem like it when we’re in the cycle, but it is possible. Find what works for you. Be gentle with yourself. You can stop the cycle.

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@JediMJ Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to respond to me ❤️ This is all so relatable to me!! This is amazing advice and it gives me strength and hope :,) I’ll remember this. Means a lot to me <3

JediMJ

Date posted: 13w

@OneDayAtATimee You’re welcome—I’m so glad it was helpful!

Lulu~

Date posted: 13w

Each time I get stressed about something I tend to put on music, I have a special playlist for EPR too. I put on some comfy clothes and tell myself that I’m going to love myself no matter what. I do a short short meditation where I just observe the thoughts and try to move on. Each time you start ruminating you try to go back to your breathing. Personally I tend to avoid talking to people when I’m deep in a spiral. Since I easily tend to, even unintentionally, seek reassurance from them. Learn to trust yourself that whatever might happen in the future you can make a conscious choice. And oml that takes time TT but it’s worth it

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@Luca_143 Thanks so much for your response :) 🙏 This was great advice that I’ll use and I really appreciate it 👍

sierra6

Date posted: 20w

Why no reassurance?

Hello! I just got diagnosed with OCD a week ago and joined the app today to find a sense of community. Since my understanding of treatment is minimal at this point, I'm confused why everything on here tells us not to seek or give reassurance? If someone could explain the reasoning behind that it would be greatly appreciated, as I want to make sure I'm not only watching out for it in my personal life but also using this app appropriately.

Ok_Paint758

Date posted: 18w

Is telling myself "it's just ocd" a compulsion?

When I was a child, before I knew this was OCD, I struggled with constant "magical thinking" compulsions (don't step on the crack or mom's back will actually break, etc). When I later learned this was OCD, it almost immediately solved it. Any time I got a magical thought, I would say to myself "that's just an OCD thought. ignore it." and it just stopped coming! Like seriously it fixed the magical thinking stuff forever. But of course the OCD has resurfaced in other ways. So naturally, I've tried to use the same strategy since I had so much success with it previously. But I wonder sometimes if telling myself "that's just OCD" is almost functioning as a reassurance compulsion? I hate how meta this gets. For example, I have ROCD that comes and goes. So sometimes I'll get a thought like "what if i'm still in love with my ex?" and then I'll tell myself "that's obviously just an ROCD thought" and will feel relief, almost like reassurance. But it comes back. So is telling myself that it's OCD a reassurance compulsion ?? It's just so weird because it worked so perfectly as a kid with the magical thinking thing.

flowerpetals

Date posted: 14w

frustrating

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

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How to stop reassurance?

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