Please help I really dont know what to do anymore.

Ive been struggling with really bad ROCD for a year now and im in the healthiest relationship ive ever had. I cant even go to a therapist because im a medical student and i dont have the money for it yet. My boyfriend is a really decent amazing respectful man and he has been tolerating my re assurance seeking behavior for a long time. And yesterdays fit finally threw him off and he said he isnt scared to loose me anymore because, he wants a life with me but not a life where every action he makes is questioned even when his intentions are always pure. Im always asking him, does he look at other girls does he get horny when he sees a naked woman in a movie to all which he said No. he doesnt because he has never sexualized anyone. He doesnt find anyone else attractive either other than me because hes in love with me and i believe it because i know he is genuine. But i keep asking him questions its draining me out and its draining him too because of me . I am scared that im sabotaging the only good thing i have in my life. I love this man so much. That said theres things i had to constantly ask for too for example instead of just letting me keep asking, give me a heart felt assurance when i start relapsing with the questions and when i start doing better acknowledge it. Because it will make me feel better and ill try even more to sit with the uncertainty of everything and trust him whole heartedly. And that small things matter to me. We have even come to a middle ground when it comes to movies with severely explicit nudity and he already agreed to it (hes a movie nerd). I am constantly on the brink and edge of just giving in to the thoughts and asking him every now and then . But he is so fed up of me he said Its ruining his mental health and that he knows its twice in intensity for me but its not the kind of life he wants with someone he genuinely loves even after trying alot of things for me. Guys please i dont want to loose him. I want someone to be scared of loosing me and i feel like i have taken that away from him. I dont know what to do please . I love him so much. I know he loves me too he told me if i start relapsing he will do his best to provide me with assurance but if it keeps persisting after that it wont work. Because thats not a good life to lead in the future. It has gotten so bad to the point that everytime i have to ask he reacts like hes being held at gun point. And i hate seeing him like that because of me. I cannot handle loosing him. He sound really cold now and its scaring me alot. I need proper help from some of you please just give me some advice.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 19w

Comment deleted by user

Brave through

Date posted: 19w

@Erica.sunshine Hi i need desperate advice..so i have been in my first ever relationship for now close to 6 months j have had a history with ocd and now rocd has come up strongly but recently i cant help but wonder that maybe we truly are just incompatible with the amount of fights everyday and also like these fights are based in actions and proof and not just my thoughts yes they can be exaggerated by ocd but they have a root to existence and now it feels more and more true like i think my bf doesnt prioritise me enough in the relationship and also that i saw a video the other day where a girl says her ex she dated said things like i just have 20 mins rn to give you and if not entirely sometimes i feel my bf has said that and also seems more selfish and like a husband material is caring and sensitive and excited for couple stuff my bf finds some of that cringe and hurts me and like idk if he is the level of sensitive i would like for him to be on my periods and i see other bfs just being so nice and understanding sometimes he doesnt plan stuff and or bring me stuff or even do special stuff put efforts and i have to say things for him to do otherwise he himself wont and like not be intimate as i would like sometimes and even while writing this i am not anxious and anyone reading this would think oh damn red flag true relationship issues nd should breakup and this is not ocd cause i think so too and if i know so feel so i should right? Its not ocd and only fear of being alone stops me from doing it? And also like we fight he says he will change and stuff and i give chances and again same thing if he try loved me he would and if he cant and i just keep seeing potential and hoping then i am doomed and settling and like i am saying ocd exaggerates it but it exists and if i am not convinced then better to breakup right cause if he cant change and i see and truly love is mot enough then what am i even doing? And like this is not rocd right? Pls help me what should i do? Anyone reading this would tell me its not rocd and even my therapist woukd ask me to breakup and if i know so and feel so and also gut says not it and these are not typical rocd thoughts those are more like i dont love him or what if i cheat these are based in problems so means if a man is making me anxious while already having ocd means not okay and i am not saying he doesnt do stuff but i am looking at all the above more and also i am not perfect but if they are based in reality and not ocd its true right? What should i do? Pls help

[Deleted]

Date posted: 19w

Comment deleted by user

Brave through

Date posted: 19w

@Erica.sunshine I am so grateful for this reply.. I am sorry this is so long but pls pls reply to this pls pls 🥺any little advice would work… just yesterday night we had a big fight where i was the one who was upset and he told me he would fix it the next morning but then he just ended up making the entire thing about himself today morning and spoke about how bad he felt and i was left again trying to pacify him when i was truly the one who was upset cause he got upset i said some things in anger now is this not toxic? Is this a healthy relationship and i am feeling this very intensely how everytime i am upset he will never change but if he is i have to and idk if this ocd or too much thinking or am i defending his toxic behaviour with ocd but how does everything become about what he wants and it happens all the time so he is selfish and says i am and doesnt do much for me and i am left begging and there is a sad power dynamic between us that he is using and this is not rocd right? and i am feeling lost like really lost pls help me…and like for the last one month we have just been fighting like i am scared when is the next fight its bad days more than good and isnt that fear and that entire situation just toxic and not healthy for any of us he holds resentment for me and now wants to be selfish with his mental health as i was in the beginning when he was trying and he just cant let go of my past when i had to let go of his and he says i was not prioritising him in the beginning and it hurts him and so when we fight all that comes back and he wants to be selfish but how is that fair and okay you can physically be intimate which also became a problem and also that he didnt want to have heavy conversations but its required for my mental health right how can he be okay and go out while i am crying and stuff and also like is this not being there for my needs or meeting them emotionally and also these are things that happened and out of his actions and we have had the same kind of fights multiple times and its not changed that means he and i are just incompatible-and its not rocd and he said maybe its an infected leg that we need to let go of and cant cause we are scared and used to but its not changing and its actually on the basis of actions and not just thoughts or emotions then its the wrong relationship right?

Brave through

Date posted: 19w

@Erica.sunshine Hey thankyou so much.. i was crying while typing this if you could one last time help me pls do… this is not ocd right cause it doesnt feel so at all.. Also if you see this pls tell me how to deal with this… so my bf and i are doing are masters degree and after finishing our exam today we were supposed to have lunch which we do but he wanted to hangout with his friends and also smoke a little so said we could meet for dinner i was upset cause i wanted to spend some time with him but it didnt bother me too much what bothered me is why did he not call or text to see if i had eaten or spoke to me a little after he was done cause he knew i had lunch by myself and he should have asked right? And if i dont call he wont call only and like not even after 4 hours of not talking ask me if i had eaten or i had slept or spoke to me before i went to sleep also.. i didnt so he didnt as well? That means he doesnt care and no matter what is said his actions should have been better right? Why was i not prioritised like what? And also like not one text or call and means he doesnt care again cause all other bfs sat with their gfs but mine just left and also yes expectations and i shouldn’t compare but but these are bare minimum basic expectations and basic comparison and these point towards bigger issues and red flags of him not caring and just because i have ocd doesnt mean i can to feel okay push it under ocd as a coping mechanism when its clearly not and i can feel it and even anyone reading would say its not right cause i am talking about bare minimum concerns not a what if or ocd driven thought ocd can exaggerate it but with the problems i have had and mentioned here and also this is it ocd? And if i am not okay and he just cant care and i say i will adjust one why should i and second i am not able to and have fights everyday so this means what not do it and cant both cant right? Pls help me he will make mistake hurt me and say that he will change but then he makes me feel like this and unimportant which means what its wrong relationship right?

liivybee

Date posted: 25w

Rocd crisis please any support welcome

hi this is my first post on here and I’m in desperate need for anyone to hear me out and offer support or advice or just about anything even though I’m fully aware reassurance is a nono A little about me : early 20s, straight female (my soocd would disagree lol) and mild to moderate autism I started seeing an ocd therapist a couple months ago and she was lovely. I was coming out of a difficult period of my life where I had stopped my ssri and that decision bit me in the ass because my ocd came back in full force (soocd, real event, pocd, rocd, pure ocd thoughts, statements, etc ) For the most part all of my themes have settled but today my rocd has struck so hard I can barely function, I’ve been a crying wreck all day feeling sick with shame and guilt over my fears with my bf and not finding him attractive all the time or when I notice other attractive men and sometimes I question if he is it for me because he is my first everything so I have nothing to compare to and all these thoughts are so overwhelming (even normal curiosity about dating other people freaks me out) I love him so much (at least i think i can never be 100% certain) and that’s what *obviously* scares me. No one here can tell me how I feel but I’m just so scared and the guilt and shame is eating me alive Another trigger of mine is the fact he wasn’t my type physically when we first met (we weren’t dating then) but overtime I started to like him a lot his personality complimented mine and he became attractive to me and I felt all the lovey feelings and excitement Essentially I’m scared I don’t really love him because if I truly did I wouldn’t notice or fixate on his physical flaws or the things he does or doesn’t do that bother me sometimes I try to think logically he probably has similar thoughts about me but doesn’t bat an eyelid Im just so tired and I can’t see my therapist till Friday :((

Mariabae

Date posted: 21w

im so lost, my rocd is taking over.

I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

please, i need someones help. sorry for long post

Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.

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Please help I really dont know what to do anymore.

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