One day I saw someone who was in a wheelchair and I had asked his mom if he could have a family and I don’t know why I would I ask that I had a thought saying so I could r*pe word him and I literally was just thinking about me taking advantage of him and why did I feel a gronial response and why did I think about me taking advantage of him??
Because you're a human being. All of us have thoughts like this that don't make sense because they go against everything we value. So, don't assign meaning to it, allow it, separate from it, and it will pass.
@Someone99 All humans have thoughts like this?
@Someone99 I’m more concerned about losing it, I understand they’re just thoughts and I feel a relief when I tell myself that but I’m worried like what if I do something
@ice457 Yes, we all have those thoughts that are like, wtf?!?!. So it's more about what we do when we have those thoughts.
@Someone99 How is this Pocd 😭?
@Someone99 I can’t stop thinking about it I want to tell my psychiatrist but I’m scared she might say that it’s p
@Idon’tknow This is a very common struggle these days. Remember, a thought is just a thought. You haven't done anything wrong. I would highly recommend speaking to you counselor about it.
@Someone99 I told her and she wasn’t worried at all like how????? I had a thought of taking advantage of someone
@Someone99 I feel better now because I told her I can’t keep this to myself
@Idon’tknow Good. That's what she's there for 🙂
@Someone99 Yes, like if I need to be locked up then I should
@Idon’tknow Let's not think of that. Hopefully she'll help you to learn about yourself, how to care for yourself and heal where you need to.
@Someone99 Is it normal for someone with Pocd feel like they like the thoughts?
@Idon’tknow Can I share one of my experiences? My real event OCD led me to spending hours every night on the floor ruminating about what I thought some people did to me. Along with all the thoughts came planning revenge. I was thinking about k**ling one of them, and planning it out. This is when I needed help and began therapy, including ERP. I never hurt anyone. Am I a murderer?
@Idon’tknow Oh, to add, I really liked thinking about k**ling that person. Am I a murderer?
@Someone99 Really, that’s OCD? I didn’t know it was
@Someone99 No you’re not
@Idon’tknow The thought isn't a crime. The thought is what causes the distress which leads to compulsions. With p, people freak out so much more because we assign meaning to the thoughts, urges. We need to allow them, separate from them and they shall pass. So yes, we can like the thoughts for a moment with OCD.
@Someone99 I was intentionally thinking of s stuff with my little cousin because I feel like I’m attracted like people with Pocd do y intentionally do that
@Someone99 Yeah thoughts are just thoughts
@Someone99 But what about with pedophilic disorder? You have to have thoughts
@Idon’tknow This could be considered checking, testing or even researching. All compulsions. I would highly recommend applying the separation, allowing uncertainty, and tools like that to your thoughts, and do not test like that. You already know you're not a p.
@Someone99 Have you ever spoken to a p before?
@Idon’tknow I don't think so
@Someone99 Oh, I just wanted you to compare me
@Someone99 But I don’t know, besides the thoughts and tge “attraction” I have the taping on a little mark of the wall the I have to swipe left and I have to swipe the right to like on pictures or it will make me uncomfortable I have the obsessive side eye stare I don’t do it intentionally I’ve had people tell me to stop staring at them I would feel comfortable wearing sunglasses
@Idon’tknow What do you want to be?
@Someone99 I don’t want to be a p
@Idon’tknow I know you don't. There seems to be OCD like panic in you over this, hyper focusing, assigning meaning, etc. But beyond that, there may be healing needed elsewhere
@Someone99 Hyper focus?
@Idon’tknow On the thought, the "this must mean..." thoughts.
@Someone99 Ohhhh
@Idon’tknow You can learn to develop a healthy thought life. First in dealing with those unwanted thoughts, then adding positive stuff. :-)
@Someone99 OK, but can you freaking tell me why I mid rise up when I was listening to music and it felt like I was into the music and I wanted to go up to my little cousin I don’t know if I wanted to dance or walk around but I told my therapist and I still feel like shit and I feel like I did something really bad and I feel like I’m worse than a r
@Someone99 Positive stuff how?
@Someone99 I kinda believe that because sometimes it’s like watching a movie at the cinema
@Idontknow So you're thoughts are telling you that you approached your little cousin in a sexual way? Or were you just having fun like you wanted to dance and have he or she join you?
@Idontknow As far as the positives, this will take a little time for me to suggest because I don't know a whole lot about you. I'd like to chat more
@Idontknow Sounds like disassociation? Very common, I get this too, often
@Someone99 I wasn’t dissociating so that means I want it????
@Someone99 No, I don’t know how to describe it usually I like to listen to music and I just sit up but I don’t know
@Someone99 I don’t want to be a bad person I’m worried because how is that Pocd ???? I feel alone
@Idontknow I know you don't. I'm here for you. Can I ask your age?
@Idontknow It would be nice to know your name too.
@Idontknow Please reply to this
@Idontknow It certainly seems like OCD. You're not a bad person. Every day we make choices.
@Someone99 Isn’t that p because why would I want to enjoy it??? I’m worried right now I feel like I r worded him in my sleep while that was playing in my head
@Idontknow Do you want to enjoy it?
@Someone99 Sometimes it feels that way
@Someone99 Maybe it is pedophilic disorder…..
@Someone99 When you asked me that question it made me feel like I’m in denial because it’s like I don’t want to say yes because I don’t want to be labeled as a pedo
@Someone99 I don’t know how to describe it but it’s really not the same as I get turned on by a man I don’t know how to describe it
@Someone99 I’m worried about that because people with Pocd don’t experience that I have never acted on nothing and never will but these thoughts…..
@Someone99 I am not seeking reassurance My comment got that
@Idontknow You're a good person. Don't believe OCD lies. The thoughts you describe seem to be very OCD like.
@Someone99 Thoughts can lead to urges, and vice versa. P, SO, and themes connected to urges seem different, but it's all OCD.
@Someone99 What urges? Yes but why do I get them sometimes and it’s obsessive and I keep thinking about it like how is that Pocd? I literally took a nap because how upset I am and maybe because I’m distressed because of my “attractions” like a damn p
@Someone99 Well I do get urges so I’m doomed
@Idontknow You recognize right from wrong, you told me before you'll never act on it. The urges you mention will go away. All the intrusive thoughts about it shows it's OCD. Calm down my dear friend, you're ok
@Idontknow I get similar thoughts and urges too so I know what you're experiencing
@Someone99 Yes like the urges feel uncomfortable like it’s not arousal it’s like something I don’t know how to explain Well then explain why I “enjoy” the thoughts
@Someone99 You do???
@Someone99 I have this crush on this sk (I know I’m crazy) I do fantasize about him and now I can’t that much anymore because a kid pops up I can’t enjoy anything sexual anymore
@Someone99 I want that man so bad I want to write to him like I want him
@Idontknow Who is this man you have a crush on?
@Idontknow Yes I do. It's not as prominent as S.O. from me, but sometimes it's like what? And my sense of reason kicks in because it's about a young person
@Idontknow You do "enjoy the thoughs", but you don't, right?
@Someone99 Ed kemper
@Someone99 I don’t know because sometimes it’s an obsession like I don’t usually think about that
@Someone99 S.o?
@Idontknow Now that you mention it, I had images pop up during sex too. 😕
@Idontknow Sexual orientation
@Someone99 I’m sorry I shouldn’t of said anything
@Someone99 Ohhhh
@Idontknow No, it's ok. It hasn't been intrusive. That's what's important, not allowing the thoughts to spin and spin. It's not about the thought or urge, it's about allowing it to pass
@Idontknow You can learn that tooand be free of this
@Idontknow With soocd, by allowing the thoughts, I'm not bothered by it anymore. I never realized how not gay I am until I allowed the thought
@Someone99 Yeah but that’s why I think I’m a p because I “enjoy” the thoughts like it’s so confusing
@Someone99 Maybe some day
@Someone99 Do you feel like you enjoy the thoughts?
@Someone99 Do you know someone who looks like Ed kemper???
@Idontknow What thoughts do you have that you enjoy? Just trying to understand better
@Idontknow Because yes, there is a sense of enjoying them for a moment.
@Idontknow No, can't say I do. He was very tall too
@Idontknow Do you ever mast***ate to the thoughts?
@Someone99 Hell yeah, like I want him so bad ☹️ I don’t want him to reject me
@Someone99 Like sometimes I get the same thought of me riding this kid and it feels like I enjoy it like I’m not aroused but it feels like I enjoy it I don’t know how to explain it
@Someone99 I feel alone and worried like what if I lose control
@Someone99 Like that man to me is so hot I like his physical appearance like 😍
@Someone99 He’ll probably think I’m a freak 😞
@Someone99 Where can I find one????
@Someone99 But I want him he is the love of my life
@Idontknow Good morning. I kinda wish I looked like him 😊
@Idontknow Do you see him that way because he seems to be a dominant man?
@Someone99 I just like his physical appearance and his intelligence
@Idontknow So it's a lust thing, not the same as love
@Idontknow I don't want to live anymore
@Someone99 I didn’t see this, no I do not, i have urges to do it but I don’t Like what person with pocd experience that?
@Someone99 No, I imagine being with him
@Someone99 Why?
@Idontknow I don't belong anywhere
@Idontknow Do you start ERP therapy soon?
@Someone99 What are you talking about???
@Someone99 Tomorrow, yes
@Someone99 What is a p? Do you think I am? Have you spoken to any on here???
@Idontknow I do not think you are. I think you're a good person with a bright future. Many in here struggle with this same concern, and my heart goes out to them too.
@Idontknow A p is someone who doesn't understand they're hurting children and will assault them without guilt or shame for their own sick satisfaction
@Idontknow That is NOT you. Never
@Someone99 Omg
@Someone99 The thoughts…
@Someone99 I wish I could talk to someone who has it worse because I feel like I’m the worst of all
@Idontknow OCD tells us we're the worst
@Idontknow Thoughts are only thoughts. We are not our thoughts
@Idontknow You're not the worst. If I knew you better I'd tell you my struggles
@Idontknow I mean, is it helpful to compare who's thoughts are worse? This is why I want to talk with you, because you can be free as I am.
@Someone99 I don’t know if this is normal with Pocd but I was sleeping in my room and my little cousin was on the other bed and I was having an urge and the heat was making it worse it’s like my body wanted to go to him so bad like this cannot be Pocd who has this???
@Someone99 Yes because I feel terrible person
@Idontknow It's OCD, my dear. You didn't and would never go to him like that. You know right from wrong. But, OCD is causing you to focus on it more than necessary. You're a good person.
@Idontknow What is your age, btw?
@Someone99 People with ocd experience that?
@Someone99 24
@Idontknow Yes. I'm certain most people had moments where they were attracted to someone under age. OCD is what is causing you so much distress
@Idontknow Are you dating anyone currently?
@Idontknow ?
@Someone99 No
@Idontknow Me neither, OCD makes it challenging. Did you have therapy yesterday?
@Someone99 And why are you ignoring my response? People with OCD don’t have attraction towards minors
@Someone99 Yes
@Idontknow I didn't ignore you. Everyone has been attracted to a minor in some way at some time. Did therapy go well?
@Someone99 I don’t know, I’m scared that I’m lying about Pocd I showed her my notes and she said this to me “I think you should call your psychiatrist to talk about your medications to help you be able to manage until we do therapy. We can do 2x a week if that will he helpful.” Like she definitely thinks I am because why would she say 2x ???
@Idontknow Calm down my dear. She's an ERP therapist, correct? Let's take one day at a time. Remember, you didn't do anything wrong. OCD is a bully and is causing you to condemn yourself. Stay with me. You're a good person.
@Idontknow I started with 2x a week therapy too
@Someone99 I be thinking what if I lose control one day? Because I hug my pillow tight when I get these urges and it feels like my body wants to go to him so how is that OCD?
@Someone99 Yes she is
@Idontknow It's him because he's there, that's all. It's a desire to be with someone, or compensating for being alone.
@Someone99 That’s odd I think it’s dangerous because it feels like my body wants to go to him like trying to pull me and I’m not letting it
@Idontknow You're not because you're a good person. This is what I've been trying to tell you. Are you always in the same room at night? Is there an option? As a guy, boundaries are natural and safe for everyone. Like, I wouldn't volunteer to help kids change in to swimming suits at the gym, lol, it's just not smart.
@Idontknow Did you have any trauma as a child, or a difficult life growing up in any way?
@Someone99 I can’t because there’s only 2 bedrooms so it’s difficult it’s doesn’t happen all the time though
@Someone99 I’m not sure, difficult for me to answer that I don’t know what trauma even is
@Someone99 But sometimes I’m so angry at men that I think they’re all r and abusers
@Idontknow Why do you think you're angry and that all men are bad?
@Idontknow I wish I could date you
@Someone99 Maybe because all they wanna do is abuse me Verbal, sexually, mentally I’ve had guys who wanted to plan to r word me back in high school How would that relate to OCD? When I was living with my parents I wasn’t sexually assaulted but my dad was always complicated
@Someone99 Why lol
@Someone99 Like plan to have s with me and say they never wanted me
@Idontknow I'm sorry to hear that's been your experience. Unfortunately, no one treats anyone with respect these days. Too many young men have no morals, well, young women too. Lol. It's like, when did it become a crime to want to wait to have sex until after marriage?
@Idontknow I hope to date someone I can talk about things like this with. It's real intimacy when you can share struggles with each other. I never feel like I connect with anyone, like I don't belong or I'm not needed for anything. Just my life I guess
@Someone99 It wasn’t like that, his friend told him to pretend to like me and on my birthday to have s with me and then say he never liked me To me that would’ve been r
@Someone99 Isn’t that trauma bonding
@Idontknow That is horrible. What a jerk to think and do that. Please tell me it didn't happen that way.
@Idontknow I think trauma bonding happens between the abused and the abuser?
@Someone99 No, because someone told me their plan it’s just sick like maybe it’s not a crime but I definitely would’ve reported that to the police and I once told a therapist about that and she was like that it seemed like he wanted to play you and that it’s not a crime
@Someone99 Oh
@Idontknow Definitely just playing and using you. I'm glad you didn't get used that way. You're valuable, and anyone who wants to date you should treat you like you're valuable. Not just use you then brag about it. What's wrong with people?
@Someone99 That’s what everyone does to me 😂 it’s weird to actually have someone genuinely interested in me Welcome to planet earth lmao
@Idontknow That's a shame. I'm interested in gaining you as a friend. I'd like to get to know you better 🫣
@Someone99 They're all the same. There's really nothing more to say other than that I'm not great.
@Idontknow Well, I'm not either. Lol
@Someone99 Interesting lmao
@Idontknow Why is it interesting?
@Someone99 I’m just saying it
@Idontknow Ok. :-)
@Someone99 If you look like Ed kemper I would date you
@Someone99 Dude is like in his 70s and I don’t care because his personality is still there
@Idontknow What about his personality excites you?
@Someone99 I just like the way he speaks and he’s very self aware like it’s such a shame because if he was in the real world doing a normal life I would definitely marry him
@Someone99 I know I have issues lol
@Idontknow Even at 70 years old?
@Idontknow I have issues too. Lol
@Someone99 Yeah, I don’t care I like his mind
@Someone99 🤣
@Idontknow You're very interesting
@Someone99 Lmao, more like a mental case
@Idontknow We have something in common then 😆lol
@Someone99 🤣
@Idontknow Sorry if I'm a pest. 🫣 Are you doing ok today?
@Someone99 I’m not doing ok, and I don’t know what being ok is
@Someone99 How are you??
@Idontknow I'm at work. Doing ok, a little bit panicked because there's nothing to do here, so my mind isn't busy. All over the place rn
@Someone99 You keep your self busy so you don’t have time to think??? I think that would be great
@Idontknow Usually. But sometimes the thoughts distract me when I'm in the middle of doing something so bad I forget what I'm doing
@Idontknow What do you do with yourself throughout the day?
@Someone99 I have to do the same
@Someone99 I don’t do anything I’m isolated in my home all day I’m online school I think being inside of day is triggering me
@Someone99 A walk in a rainy day
@Idontknow Yes I would be triggered as well. And a walk on a rainy day sounds romantic. 😊 Lol
@Idontknow Did you ever consider writing a poem?
@Someone99 Yeah, the 4 walls got me crazy lmao
@Someone99 I don’t know how to write one
@Someone99 Does it?
@Idontknow There's really no wrong way. Lol. I'm always happy to chat with you throughout the day if you're bored. 😊
@Someone99 I tried and I can’t lmao
@Someone99 Like it feels like I want to think about it and enjoy it and I’m so confused because I don’t think about this every day so what is this??
@Idontknow Good morning, sorry I went to sleep. What are you referring to?
@Someone99 Good morning, like I don’t know how to explain it but when I get those thoughts it feels like I want to fantasize about it so how is that Pocd I’m still thinking about it
@Idontknow I completely understand and get this too. What you need to do is recognize it is an unwanted thought, even though it feels like you want it, you know it's not right, so it is an unwanted thought. Then, wrap it up in a box and label it unwanted thought, and set it apart from you. That will leave a void that you can fill with thoughts that are good, healthy, pure, honest, etc.
@Someone99 It does feel like that because right now I’m not even thinking about it like I’m so confused I feel very alone and like an actual p because that’s how they think?
@Idontknow No it's not how they think. They don't know right from wrong, you do. You are not a p, young lady.
@Someone99 They fantasize about them in a s way
@Idontknow But those fantasies can be stopped. P's act on them
@Idontknow Are you ok?
@Someone99 It would be pointless to ask me that because I’m always going to say no
@Someone99 How are you?
@Idontknow I'm ok. I miss you when I don't hear from you for a while, am I weird?
@Idontknow I read your recent post. I'm here for you, I want to be your friend.
@Someone99 I don’t want to be friends with anyone because people just go and leave for no apparent reason it happen to me this morning I noticed it like I just can’t believe it because if it was here only but this person gave me their number and we were talking I guess building a normal connection and I get the surprise of being blocked That is so hurtful and I feel like people do that to me on purpose because why even want to get close to me then if I creep you out? Or I don’t know because I don’t even know wtf did I even do but it just shows how precious honesty is
@Someone99 No, I just think you get attached to people
@Idontknow Nothing about you creeps me out. You can tell me anything, I'll never leave you. I'll be as honest as I can be too. And yes I do get attached to people. But I'm used to people disappearing, happens all the time.
@Someone99 I was talking about that girl like I can’t stand people because it’s like they do it on purpose to trigger me because fear of abandonment is a trigger for me and the fact that she did that like it was so hurtful and I literally logged in on Facebook to check to see if she blocked me and she did because I can see her profile and I sent her a paragraph and maybe I’m a creep for that for searching her up and trying to get a valid explanation because that that was so like appalling to me that somebody would do that because I don’t I don’t know what the hell did I even do?
@Someone99 Yeah, but I don’t know like I just get attached like when somebody’s over here asking for my number and asking for information like outside of this app because if it was inside of this app and somebody were blocked me, you know I wouldn’t. I would just be like oh like you know why did I get blocked but not like be that hurt about it because you know
@Someone99 Literally blocked me everywhere like people are so odd
@Idontknow People suck. I have major abandonment issues too. You're way too much like me, btw. Lol. :-) I always hope that you can feel like messaging with me is like getting a warm hug 🫂.
@Someone99 People are a bunch of liars
@Someone99 I appreciate you, thank you!!!
@Idontknow I like you. I mentioned previously about wanting to date you, but please don't feel I have any agenda other than to be here, to be someone you can feel safe with. Yes I'm a dumb guy and I have a crush on your cartoon pic on here because I think she's really pretty, lol. But the older I get, I realize connection is what I value most, not the exterior stuff.
@Idontknow And I hope to make you laugh sometimes. 🙂 It's ok to laugh.
@Someone99 lol, that made me smile
@Someone99 You do
@Idontknow Thank you 😊
@Someone99 This is a learning lesson, the more I experience life the more wiser I get and I have the wisdom of a 40 year old, I’ve been through it all but it’s genuinely my fault because I’m the one who get emotional attached to people who don’t value or respect others I live in a world where people are cruel and selfish
@Someone99 I wish I was a narcissist, I wouldn’t give a damn only me all the time I’m tired of feeling deeply
@Idontknow I did get a sense of that in you, it's a quality that may seem like a bad thing, but I think in time we all see there's purpose in our pain. And I can't tell you how many times I call myself a dummy and worse for similar things. I can't not be me though, so it's like, wtf?!?! Lol
@Someone99 Dummy? Why???
@Idontknow For trusting people, or thinking people like me when all along they're making an ass out of me, meaning ex coworkers specifically. Things like that
@Idontknow That's my real event OCD at its worst.
@Someone99 What do you mean making an ass out of you??
@Someone99 What is that?
@Idontknow Oh, I'm sorry. Making a fool out of me, like acting all nice to me, then talking behind my back.
@Idontknow So have I asked you where you live? Like are you in the US? In a big city? You don't need to give exact details.
@Someone99 Hard to find a real person in this world
@Someone99 I live in the US
@Idontknow It is
@Idontknow Did you ever do the 16 personalities test?
@Someone99 Yes
@Someone99 It’s either intp-infp
@Idontknow I knew it. I'm infp. Lol
@Someone99 Haha!!!
@Idontknow So you're empathetic, you feel others pain as well as your own. You have a vibrant thought life which goes non stop...
@Someone99 I’m not sure if I’m that empathetic because I can be very mean when I’m disrespected Vibrant thought life?
@Idontknow Active thoughts. Which I find makes my OCD a million times worse. But it's also a gift. Lol
@Idontknow You told me a few messages ago that you feel deeply. That count as empathy. 😉
@Someone99 Ohhhh
@Someone99 Yeah….somewhat my brain is a mess
@Idontknow I completely understand. That's why it's important to care for yourself.
@Idontknow Much of what happens to us isn't our fault.
@Someone99 I really don’t care, I’m sick and tired of everything all I get is walked all over and abused
@Someone99 It is my fault
@Idontknow Would you tell me what's happened? And how it's your fault?
@Someone99 About the situation?
@Someone99 I had met some girl on here and she was very nice and even gave me her phone number I didn’t even ask for it she gave me her fb and snap we would talk I would tell her about the pedo thoughts and the fact that I’m interested in dangerous criminals in a romantic way I would go to her for reassurance One day I noticed that her snap was not there and I went to her to ask what did I do and she said she “deleted it” we had a phone call I was very shy but was willing to speak I was honest about how I get attached to people but I do respect peoples spaces I understand that people get busy Yes around 8 am was the last time we spoke I told her about how I didn’t feel good about my therapist and she recommended her therapist and what not The last thing I said was “ok” around 9am, today I checked my fb and I noticed her profile was gone and I went to message her and it doesn’t say delivered or anything so she definitely blocked me like wtf?
@Someone99 It’s my fault
@Idontknow What's your fault?
@Someone99 What I sent you.
@Idontknow About the girl blocking you earlier?
@Someone99 I sent you the story
@Idontknow Recently or a while ago? Sorry, my dear friend, I'm confused. 😥
@Idontknow Or the guy who was going to use you just for sex?
@Someone99 Never mind
@Idontknow The "p" concerns? Please I'm confused.
@Someone99 i literally sent you the story
@Idontknow I'm thinking it may not have come through?
@Idontknow Did you send it within an hour or two?
@Someone99 No.
@Idontknow Can you resend it, please 🥺
@Someone99 I did like twice
@Idontknow Just now?
@Someone99 Bruh
@Idontknow Something must not be coming through.
@Idontknow Sorry
@Someone99 Another liar
@Idontknow Please. What story? Was it today?
@Idontknow We spoke about a few different topics
@Idontknow I mean, we can change the subject. It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, too
@Someone99 I just wanted advice maybe I’m in the wrong and I’m just mentally unstable
@Idontknow It's ok. I'm here.
@Idontknow I'm not upset with you at all. I want to hold on to you
@Idontknow Please let me hold on to you?
@Idontknow I'm far from perfect, but I want to show people, well you especially, love.
@Someone99 That doesn’t exist
@Idontknow It's rare, but it exists
@Idontknow So are you in the South or North US?
@Someone99 🤮
@Idontknow Lol
What's your favorite food? Do you have a favorite color?
@Someone99 I don’t have one imm very picky and I love red
@Idontknow Do you watch TV or stream things to watch?
@Idontknow Am I annoying? Lol. (Reassurance seeking 🫣)
@Someone99 Yes, I watch a lot of Ed kemper documentaries 😍
@Someone99 No
@Idontknow Oh yeah, your love... I'm so jealous!!! 😭 Lol
@Someone99 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Idontknow So can I tell you something I feel bad about?
@Idontknow If you're awake. Or tomorrow
@Someone99 What?
@Someone99 I am awake
@Idontknow A couple weeks ago I was talking to a young lady, she said in her 20's, who struggled with p. I cared so much for her. One night I told her I wanted to adopt her. A few minutes later all of our conversation was deleted and I think she blocked me. So, that's why I ask if I'm annoying. I get too attached emotionally and say things that people may not like. I don't mean harm.
@Someone99 Who struggled with p?
@Someone99 Well, that person probably was dealing with stuff who knows
@Someone99 I would feel hurt if I was called a p like damn
@Idontknow I never called her a p because she isn't. I think someone may have. She thinks she's garbage, and my heart broke for her because of what OCD does to us.
@Idontknow Just like I know you're not a p. :-)
@Idontknow I meant she struggled with thoughts that she might be. Sorry. It's a very common OCD theme.
@Idontknow I just felt bad because I lost connection with her. I still think about her and hope she's ok.
@Someone99 Why you said p then?
@Idontknow I lost connection because I said I wanted to adopt her.
@Someone99 Yeah, why didn’t you give your information?
@Idontknow POCD.
@Idontknow I wanted to, she wouldn't even tell me her name. 😥
@Someone99 You wanted to????
@Idontknow Well yeah, I asked her name and she wouldn't tell me. I told her my name.
@Idontknow Why would I do that?
@Someone99 Your name is on your profile too
@Idontknow I'd never do that
@Idontknow No one can see anything but our nickname
@Idontknow When did I call her a p?
@Someone99 lol I can see your intro
@Someone99 @Idontknow A couple weeks ago I was talking to a young lady, she said in her 20's, >>>>>>>>who struggled with p. <<<<<<<< I cared so much for her. One night I told her I wanted to adopt her. A few minutes later all of our conversation was deleted and I think she blocked me. So, that's why I ask if I'm annoying. I get too attached emotionally and say things that people may not like. I don't mean harm.
@Idontknow She struggled with thoughts that she was. I told her she's not because she's not.
You said “who struggled with p”
STRUGGLED WITH THOUGHTS...
@Idontknow I never called her a p because she isn't. I think someone may have. She thinks she's garbage, and my heart broke for her because of what OCD does to us.
@Someone99 Someone may have what?
@Someone99 Did you watch the video I sent?
@Idontknow Yes
@Someone99 💀
@Someone99 Probably you in McDonalds
@Idontknow @Idontknow I never called her a p because she isn't. I think someone may have. She thinks she's garbage, and my heart broke for her because of what OCD does to us.
@Idontknow I don't eat McDonald's, it makes me constipated
@Someone99 I don’t understand what you’re saying “I think someone may have”
@Someone99 Just for laughs
@Someone99 💀💀💀
@Someone99 Did you at laugh?
@Idontknow I think someone may have called her a p. She said it was a therapist too. Unbelievable.
@Idontknow Laugh at what?
@Someone99 wtf
@Someone99 The video
@Someone99 That’s crazy
@Idontknow Laugh at the video? No.
@Someone99 Bruhhhh
@Someone99 💀💀💀💀
@Idontknow Isn't it horrible that a therapist would say something like that to someone?
@Someone99 I feel bad like I would’ve oofed myself if I had been called that oh hell no
@Idontknow Why the skulls?
@Idontknow Me too
@Someone99 The therapist probably wasn’t educated on Pocd that therapist would probably think I’m a p too because of these thoughts
@Idontknow Life's difficult enough. Why can't people just care for each other?
@Someone99 Laughing
@Idontknow I love you. I'd never say anything bad about you.
@Someone99 I don’t know but that’s crazy
@Someone99 But you called her a p so that upset me too
@Idontknow I'd defend you too. Against anyone.
@Idontknow I can tell it upset you, and I'm upset that I upset you. 😥
@Idontknow I worded it wrong. I meant she struggles with thoughts that she might be.
@Someone99 It’s just damn the p word….
@Someone99 Thank you
@Idontknow Can you forgive me?
@Someone99 Sure
@Someone99 I wonder what is your ethnicity
@Idontknow Thank you 🩵
@Idontknow I'm a white guy. How about you?
@Someone99 Hispanic
@Idontknow 🙂
@Idontknow I learned something new about you. 😊
@Someone99 lol
@Someone99 I wish I was Caucasian
@Someone99 Or Russian
@Idontknow My mom's side is German, dad's side from Holland
@Someone99 That’s so cool, I love Europe!
@Idontknow I'd love to travel to Europe someday.
@Someone99 You definitely should!!! It’s worth it!!!
@Idontknow Have you been there? Where?
@Someone99 I have not, I have family in Italy and France I have a friend in Germany
@Idontknow Awesome! I've been to several states, Canada, Mexico, and Puerto Rico, not Europe yet.
@Idontknow You're sweet. I really like chatting with you.
@Someone99 You’re brave for going to Mexico
@Someone99 Thank you 😊 me too
@Idontknow Yeah. I stay in the resort areas.
@Idontknow I'm trying to learn Spanish on Duolingo, but it's not going very well. Lol
@Someone99 lol, I honestly would fall in love with a dangerous man like yes in danger me 😍 so hot and dangerous
@Someone99 Depends on the Spanish you’re trying to learn
@Someone99 Spanish classes
@Someone99 Like I took a course in college and that Spanish was so hard it was the Spain one
@Idontknow My pulse just increased. 🫣 Lol
@Idontknow It's interesting how there's so many variations in languages
@Someone99 Lmao
@Someone99 Yup!!!
@Idontknow I love to travel, keeps me sane, well kind of. Lol. As same as I can be. Lol
@Someone99 I recommend Colorado!
@Idontknow On my list! Legal marijuana too!!! Lol
@Idontknow Do you like mountains and skiing?
@Someone99 You smoke that?
@Someone99 Yessss
@Idontknow Not since I was a teenager. Lol
@Idontknow Would you ever go skydiving?
@Someone99 Lmao
@Someone99 I would like to but I’m scared
@Idontknow It's wild. Only did it once
@Someone99 Wowwwww that’s awesome!!!
@Idontknow Do you live in Colorado?
@Idontknow My buddy was getting married and I was in the wedding so we all did it as a bachelor party thing. Lol. Many years ago
@Someone99 I wish
@Someone99 That’s so cool, he knows how to live
@Idontknow I live in Pennsylvania. The weather really sucks this spring. Lots of rain, cold and windy.
@Idontknow Yes indeed. Lol
@Idontknow Do you ever sleep?
@Someone99 I love rain!!!!
@Someone99 Sometimes late sometimes early
@Someone99 What are you doing right now?
@Idontknow Sitting here with my cat. Lol
@Someone99 You have a cat :D
@Idontknow Yeah. Do you like cats?
@Idontknow What are you doing?
@Someone99 Yesss
@Someone99 Laying down
@Idontknow Yay! Cats are so funny. Lol
@Idontknow Can I read you a bedtime story? Lol
@Someone99 They are 😂
@Someone99 Sure
@Someone99 Are you bald? Lol
@Idontknow I wish 🙂
@Idontknow No
@Idontknow Do you like bald men? Lol
@Someone99 I was asking because of your profile 😂 and not usually
@Idontknow Oh. 🤭 No, don't look much like my avatar. Lol
@Someone99 Lmao, describe yourself
@Idontknow I do keep my hair short, like a military cut
@Idontknow Hmm, I look just like ed Kemper. 😋
@Idontknow Just kidding 🙂
@Someone99 💀
@Idontknow I'm 5'8" tall. Dark brown hair, with some gray. Lol. Around 170 lbs
@Someone99 So bald lmao
@Someone99 You’re short 😩
@Idontknow Sorry. Lol
@Idontknow How would you describe yourself?
@Someone99 Dad
@Someone99 Short, brown hair, skinny, hot asf
@Idontknow I was afraid of that. Lol
@Idontknow Long or short hair?
@Someone99 Long
@Someone99 Yes Father
@Idontknow I kinda like that, is that ok?
@Someone99 Yes lol
@Someone99 I have daddy issues too
@Idontknow I'm glad
@Idontknow I would love to be here for you that way
@Someone99 lol sure
@Idontknow So you won't block me if I say I want to adopt you? 😊
@Someone99 No lol
@Someone99 I’m going to your house 👀
@Idontknow Good girl. 🙂
@Someone99 😂
@Idontknow Yes! You can have a bedroom decorated just the way you'd like it
@Someone99 Lmao!!! 🤣
@Idontknow Or share with me 🫣
@Someone99 Why share???? You’re scared to sleep alone?
@Idontknow Yeah... sometimes
@Someone99 Really??? 🤔
@Idontknow The cat keeps me company 🤣
@Someone99 I cannot believe this lmao
@Someone99 Why not get a puma?
@Idontknow Everything ok?
@Someone99 Yes
@Idontknow Oh...🤣🤣🤣 You're awesome.
@Someone99 I would definitely scare you
@Someone99 Yeah, I recommend watching scary videos at night
@Idontknow That's not a good way to fall asleep
@Idontknow You calling me dad earlier really warmed my heart ❤️
@Someone99 Well, gotta do it once
@Idontknow I always said I have "daughter issues" 🤣
@Someone99 😄
@Someone99 lol, you want a daughter?
@Idontknow I do have 2 sons
@Idontknow I always thought I'd be a good girl dad. Lol
@Someone99 Cool
@Someone99 Haha unless you want your wallet empty
@Idontknow It actually hurts me deeply to see how girls and women are treated so horribly
@Someone99 Yeah, same
@Idontknow Well, there is that. Gotta spoil Daddy's little girl. 😉
@Someone99 Omg 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Idontknow Were you hurt by someone, like a man?
@Someone99 Yeah, every man who came into my life
@Idontknow 😢
@Idontknow Daddy kiss ouchies away. 😊
@Someone99 Well, I put myself in situations I literally dated a killer and he was emotionally abusing me💀
@Idontknow Wow. Yeah, not the best resume. I wouldn't approve of him. 🙂
@Idontknow Did any physically abused you?
@Someone99 Well, he was hot but in denial lol
@Someone99 No, he’s an inmate
@Idontknow Oh
@Someone99 Yup
@Idontknow Good morning. Was I dreaming, or did you call me dad last night? Lol
@Someone99 💀💀💀
@Someone99 I did
@Idontknow Today too? 🙂
@Someone99 No
@Idontknow I really do not feel like going to work today
@Someone99 Why??
@Idontknow Sinus headache, which always makes the OCD worse. 😞
@Idontknow How's my little girl today? 😊
@Idontknow I read comments on your recent post, especially the one from the NOCD therapist. You're a good person, and a loving person. And I'm happy to and hope to have you as w friend. 🫂
@Someone99 Take Tylenol!!!!
@Someone99 Like I said it’s useless to ask that because I’m always feeling like shit How about you???
@Idontknow Meh. No one is at work today because of the day off tomorrow. I'm so lonely. 😭Lol
@Someone99 Well, God is with you I guess
@Idontknow Thanks!
@Idontknow You don't believe in God, do you?
@Someone99 I’m not that religious
@Idontknow Me neither
@Idontknow But, you don't believe in God, do you?
@Someone99 No
@Someone99 Well it says you’re a believer in Jesus I was raised religious but when you go through shit you start believing there isn’t good in this world
@Idontknow I am. But I'm not religious. There's a difference. 🙂
@Idontknow I know. Sad thing is, it's never really God that turns people away from God, it's people that turn people away from God.
@Someone99 🤣 so why did he make me a p if he loves me so much ?
@Idontknow You're not a p
@Idontknow You're my little girl
@Idontknow 🫣lol
@Idontknow The only thing that makes anything makes sense to me is God and his character, and his plan
@Idontknow The world doesn't make sense to me otherwise, so much wrong, and hurt
@Idontknow Did you do anything today?
@Idontknow Like school work, or go outside at all?
@Someone99 No, I’m on spring break
@Someone99 The world is a beautiful place with a bunch of garbage
@Idontknow It is
@Idontknow Do you have anyone in your life?
@Someone99 What do you mean?
@Idontknow Like who supports you, who listens to you. Like family or friend
@Someone99 Only one person
@Idontknow Well that's good! A friend, or family?
@Someone99 Friend
@Idontknow Good. Tell your friend I said to always be there for my girl. 🙂
@Someone99 Lmao “your girl” 💀
@Idontknow I know, I get carried away. 😁
@Idontknow So are the skulls good skulls, or scary skulls? Lol
@Someone99 It’s like the laughing emoji
@Someone99 😂
@Someone99 No lol
@Idontknow I'm a dummy sometimes. Or usually. Lol
@Idontknow Good 🤍
@Someone99 You’re definitely not gen z
@Someone99 Older man
@Idontknow Sorry 😔
@Idontknow I am younger than ed Kemper 😝
@Someone99 For what lol
@Idontknow For being old. 🤣🤣🤣
@Someone99 Lmao 😂 no
@Idontknow 🙂
@Someone99 What is your fb?
@Idontknow But I'll have to tell you my name. 🫣 Lol
@Someone99 lol, your name is literally on your intro
@Idontknow I'm so bummed we didn't get left out of work early for the holiday. 😞 12:12 am and we're still here.
@Idontknow My first name is. Mike used to be very common. 😬
@Idontknow Would you happen to be on telegram or any other app?
@Idontknow Actually I only have tele and GroupMe because snap and insta are a complete distraction. Lol
@Someone99 What is this “work”?
@Someone99 I have snap
@Someone99 I don’t have telegram
@Someone99 Don’t put your information out there
@Idontknow I have a really cool job in the engineering lab at a global company. I work 2:30pm to 12:30am Monday thru Thursday
@Idontknow I had snap a few years ago. Us old people get too distracted on those apps. 🤣🤣🤣
@Someone99 Engineering lab?
@Someone99 lol, it’s not meant for serious discussions
@Someone99 Interesting
@Idontknow The engineering lab designs and tests new products. It's really good for my mental health
@Someone99 Interesting
@Idontknow They literally tell us to not get things done too quickly. Lol. And 3 day weekends are definitely nice
@Idontknow Hope I didn't scare you off
@Idontknow Don't feel obligated...*kicks at nervously at the ground* lol
@Someone99 No lol
@Someone99 Bruh
@Someone99 Vacations are bad
@Idontknow That's why I started the side business
@Idontknow Idle time isn't good sometimes. Lol
@Someone99 It’s not
@Idontknow A post I sent before the one about "don't feel obligated..." was fla g g e d, so you probably didn't see it, which is why that most likely didn't make sense. lol
@Someone99 I saw that
@Idontknow I feel naughty 🤭 lol
@Someone99 No, you’re just attached and I don’t think the person you’re dating would appreciate that
@Idontknow Person I'm dating? You had asked if I had FB last night, I was just responding.
@Idontknow I wouldn't expect to actually date you, I'm way too old. Lol
@Someone99 Well if you’re dating someone I’m saying because some men are cheaters
@Someone99 Where’s your FB?????
@Idontknow Is it safe to give my first and last name here? Lol
@Someone99 Yup
@Idontknow I just checked to see if it's visible to public. I don't use it for anything social, just got it last August when I started my business, so I don't have "friends" or anything on there. I'm just saying because it'll seem weird to you.
@Someone99 Why don’t you have friends?
@Idontknow I don't use the fb page that way. Fb makes you have a personal page in order to have a business page.
@Idontknow I don't have any pics either atm. Lol
@Idontknow I was actually able to connect with a guy in India on FB who helped me repair my machine for my business, so it helps.
@Idontknow I'll put my name up here for a moment until you find me, then delete it. Unless you want to send yours
@Someone99 I don’t have a personal fb either lol
@Idontknow Ok. Lol
@Idontknow You were messing with me?
@Idontknow Not funny
@Idontknow I use telegram and text to communicate with friends and family
@Idontknow Oh well, sorry for making a deal out of it. Lol
@Idontknow You could've just asked me to leave you alone. Lol
Mental note: stop being so gullible, Mike. Lol
I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.
I’m scared I might become a r*pist I’m over here thinking at a time I saw a kid and I looked down at his pants like I keep thinking about what I did and it’s like I feel attracted and to me it felt like I gave him this predator look and he probably thinks I’m a P I just wonder how is this Pocd Because it feels like I want to do stuff like I don’t know I keep thinking about that situation
𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞
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