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This is exactly how I feel, I want to believe in a religion or God to make my existential OCD better, but it just seems like a sham

I'm in the same situation too. I have tried to believe before when I was younger, but I always end up "logic-ing" myself out of it. There is always agnosticism, but I feel it will always end up the same way as religion.

This is genuinely so relatable. I wrote about this in my journal earlier: “Many agnostics and atheists pride themselves on what they see as intellectual superiority—a steadfast rejection of the idea that existence must have some deeper meaning, that we possess souls destined to transcend our physical forms. I don't share that pride. In truth, I envy the religious. Despite the lack of concrete evidence or scientific proof of an afterlife, they believe anyway. They’re spared the endless mental wrestling I endure—hours consumed by intrusive thoughts about the inevitable, forced to sit with that discomfort alone.”