Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I literally cannot stop picturing disgusting sexual shit to check and test for arousal and I see that my groin gets movements and growth. That shouldnt happen. If I wasnt a pedophile then that shouldnt be happening to why is it happening...Like someone please help me, I can't believe this is happening to me

confused

Date posted: 5y

Think of this, no sensation you have ever had has ever come from anywhere but your brain. Ask anyone with health OCD and they will tell you they manifest very real symptoms. Your sensations are created by your rumination. This can be anything from your face going numb (I’ve been there) to derealization (been there) to your “groinal sensations”. That is the most reassurance I will give at the moment because it will not help you to tell you what you want to hear. But I hope that sort of makes sense to you?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

It doesnt. I don't believe OCD is capable of forging arousal thats non concordant to your desires. Especially for a man which I am now currently. I literally cannot stop checking like I feel like an absolute fucking freak. I shouldnt be able to do these things and get these sensations but I am.....I want to die

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

I was worried something was wrong with my heart for awhile and kept having chest pains. But now i moved on from health ocd i dont have chest pains any more.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm really thankful for the advice, but I'm just noticing that people with health OCD are coming on here to comfort me and not people with POCD, meaning that I don't have OCD and that I'm just hideous

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

Also i worried about my blood pressure and when i took it it was up in stroke territory. But when i calmed down it was fine.

confused

Date posted: 5y

Yes I know exactly! I tell myself all the time, just obsess about your old obsessions because you know how to deal with those. But it doesnt work. OCD is only concerned with your absolute worst fear. It will take you to the limit... it will bully you into a corner. I had harm ocd before... the urges were the worst part. They were INTENSE. What sort of therapy are you doing for this? Have you just started therapy?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm on my second OCD specialized therapy session with a therapist from Dr. Steven Phillipsons team. I emailed my therapist today asking if my third therapy session could be sooner. I feel like at this point nothing will save me and that I've just become a freak...

the future i...

Date posted: 5y

Thinking about anything sexual can cause arousal. It doesn't mean that you actually want to do it. Alright? And please do try to stop seeking reassurance because it only makes your OCD worse

the future i...

Date posted: 5y

And especially when you're checking if you're getting aroused. If I think about let's say my right foot I'll be more aware of it and all the sensations

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

I just want you to know that that there are people who understand this terrifying condition. Its makes you feel crazy, dirty, hysterical. Trust me i get it.

confused

Date posted: 5y

I was convinced I had a chronic illness and I woke up daily with the feeling that there was pop rocks in my veins. I had muscle twitches that would last all day, I had head pressure that would build until I couldnt barely hear. Your brain can and does create responses. I had to accept the symptoms, not fight them. Accept that you will feel these responses. I know its the worst, believe me I get it completely.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

But I'm so fucking scared. I want it to fucking stop. I willingly think disgusting shit because I just want an answer and I NEVER GET IT. I feel like an absolute freak and every time I check I'm overriden with guilt and shame like I've just did something disgusting which I fucking have because I'm literally thinking pedo shit to see if I get aroused. AND MY FUCKING GROIN MOVED. Like I feel so incredibly defeated I feel like I'm NEVER going to recover from this and I feel like I've normalized pedophilia to myself and I feel like I need to stop existing. This has to be some sort of sign that my life should be over by now. I can't keep doing this.

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

I struggled with pocd awhile ago.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Did you do the same things I did...Like check by thinking horribly disgusting thoughts to see if you get aroused nearly constantly?

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

I had dreams and everything. Didnt want to be around anyones kids.

confused

Date posted: 5y

Its great that you are doing that. I never sought help when I had harm ocd and I think it would have helped me so much earlier. I had POCD for a very small time. Harm OCD always felt much more real to me. But its important to remember, all OCD is the same OCD.

confused

Date posted: 5y

The fact that yours is POCD is simply that you are particularly disturbed by those things. Which I know is exactly what you are doubting.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

How do you people have POCD for such small times...What the hell do yall do to get over it

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

Unfortunantly i think my theme just jumped to something else. I know thats not what you wanted to hear but with each one of us our themes are torturous to us. With every single one of them we deal with.

Emmaaaahh

Date posted: 5y

This is so true. I have many types of OCD from compulsive self harm to not being able to walk around the house without wearing socks and it is all equally distressing. It's hard to describe how, but yeah my theme tends to jump too. Another thing that can be tried to help you with this @Vimli is ERP. You should definitely look into it because it is the most effective form of treatment for OCD according to evidence based research. Stay strong friend!

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

Also. I know im not suppose to reassure you but, i was sexually assaulted as a child and the people who did this were never tortured about it like you are.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm sorry. You don't have to share this just to make me feel better. I'm really really sorry. I really don't want you to relive past traumas just for my sake. I promise to calm down and get some sleep.

Emmaaaahh

Date posted: 5y

@Vimli I think what lizzy123 is saying is that she knows people who would really sexually assault a child, and that they do not feel the pain and guilt that you do when you think about it. You are a good person and just because your OCD is telling you otherwise doesn't mean you should trust it. I know it's so hard. It is so so hard to live with this disorder because you can lose a sense of who you really are. But trust me when I say you wouldn't sexually assault a child, just as I won't actually hurt myself (even though I'm terrified that I will) I know it doesn't make the thoughts less scary but just keep in mind that your thoughts don't define you! Also don't feel bad about sharing your struggles on this forum. We are all suffering and can understand you. We really do. I hope you start feeling better soon. I know you will. Stay strong!

poprocks1

Date posted: 5y

My OCD literally convinced me I had a brain tumor over the summer when I was anemic, I would obsessively google symptoms and after I googled, I truly felt them. It is just a huge glitch in your brain

confused

Date posted: 5y

I always thought there can be no worse than harm ocd. Like I got jealous of ppl that had any other kind. I got past the pocd quicker because it came right after I had learned so much about how to deal with the harm stuff.

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 24w

Can someone please offer words of advice :(

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Having a erection while simultaneously having bad memories of past actions

Hey guys I'm 17 years old I had experience with OCD I looked trans pornography and femboy stuff I'm straight I didn't jerk off to it I was really only looking at it in the past I have but for some reason I just felt like looking at it and when I did I did experience arousal not only that while I had a boner I simultaneously was thinking of memories and bad actions I had in 4th grade with another boy I myself not a homosexual I was a kid I did something with another boy I regret it I had that thought in my head lingering there in my head but I noticed pre ejaculation and now I feel anxiety because now it feels like I was intrigued by the thought it feels like it is it was probably to the video visual stimulus but it's hard I didn't jerk off to it at all I was really just looking idk what to do it feels like I did experience it to the video but also my thoughts say to the thought idk what to do can someone shed light on this

Shaodidi

Date posted: 19w

I’m overwhelmed, I can’t stand it.

I keep getting thoughts of this 6 year old kid n I don’t know what to do, they keep coming and they give me a sense of attraction, I don’t wanna be attracted to kids, it feels too real as well, I feel a need to check if I was attracted or not constantly, and it genuinely feels like attraction, please help me I don’t wanna be a pedo. Whenever I try to think abt something romantic or about someone my age I’m actually into, that kid keeps popping up.

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