Can it still be OCD if I don’t feel sexual attraction to my partner anymore?

Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 20h ago

What you are experiencing is 1000% normal. Love and lust are two separate things. Lust is physical, love is emotional. When i first met my now husband, we did it like rabbits lol i had butterflies in my stomach, my.... personal areas got tingling when he would touch me. We have been together 5 years, married 2.5 and let me tell you, the butterflies are gone lol. The excitement you feel in the beginning is a natural biological response that promotes reproduction. no one would want to start a relationship if the spark wasn't there in the beginning, but its not SUPPOSED to last forever. The spark is supposed to transform into a flame that burns steady. I still think my husband is attractive, but some days i just want him to take a hike. Sometimes when we make love I'm just trying to make it hurry up so we can go get some food lol. What you are experiencing is ROCD. You are questioning if you are still attracted to your partner because you don't think you are experiencing the Hollywood cultivated idea of what being in a relationship means. If you care for him, care about his happiness, enjoy his company, and you enjoy being intimate (not all the time but its not just disgusting every time) then you are in a VERY normal healthy relationship. NOW, here is the fun part. OCD will cause anxiety... you know what absolutely disappears when your anxious? sexual attraction. The body cant juggle multiple emotions like that, so it will block out what it thinks is less important for what is more important. You feel Anxious ABOUT your relationship so its only natural your not going to feel attracted.... because you are anxious ABOUT being attracted, does that make sense? I don't want to give you too much reassurance except to tell you that what you see on tv and movies about people having lust for their partner 24/7 is NOT REALISTIC. sparks and butterflies are normal in the beginning, comfortable coexitance is normal after the sparks and butterflies go away.

polish_germa...

Date posted: 19h ago

@TexasOCD41 Thank you so much for your reply, really. It means a lot. What you wrote is beautiful and grounding — I totally understand that butterflies and lust don’t last forever and that relationships change over time. But I’m scared that my situation might be different. I understand that sometimes desire comes and goes, and that it’s normal not to always feel 100% attracted — but in my case it feels like this all the time. Not just sometimes. Almost constant. That’s what makes it so hard and confusing. I’m not sure if it’s OCD, anxiety, or if something deeper is missing in my connection. :-(

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 20h ago

And let me also say, just because the butterflies are gone, doesn't mean i don't love my husband more than life. it just means i don't get stupidly anxious and giddy being around him, i feel safe, secure, i feel at home, i feel like he is my person in this world and there is nothing we can do together. I don't want butterflies, i want emotional comfort. You also need to understand that you can still get that spark BACK you just have to work on it. When we want to be more lustful, we set the mood, light some candles, play some music, dim the lights, we re-created an atmosphere that allows for the sparks and butterflies to return for a time. that's really all there is to it.

Jesusislord03$

Date posted: 20h ago

I experienced this before my wedding. And still do to this day. The stress made my OCD worse. It’s almost like I had to make the “perfect” decision. I realized that my partner isn’t perfect and neither am I. That it’s the choice we make daily to love each other. My OCD just wanted to sabotage it. And still gives me thoughts to this day where I feel like I “made a mistake”. But then the next day it’ll be gone and I’ll be all over my husband, in love with him, feeling attracted. A lot comes from hormones too as women haha. OCD qnd hormones! So fun! One day at a time. I’ve learned a lot about grace and forgivnesss. For both of us

wewillgetthr...

Date posted: 18h ago

Hey love! fellow SO-OCD here… I am married and struggle with the SAMEEEEEEEE exact thing. I have lost a lot of the sexual attraction to my husband whereas before this illness I had it… I truly know that it has to do with the SO-OCD and being in your head BUT- it also has to do with just where you are at in your relationship. Me and my husband have been married 10 months but have been together since 2017… but what I’ve learned is that 1. Love and attraction does transform. We have been comfortable and just living side by side- ofc some of those intense butterflies fade.. yet I could never live without him… and 2. Love isn’t always a feeling it’s a choice too.. 🫶🏼

sgray4

Date posted: 25w ago

Relationship doubts

I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD and differentiating between what is an intrusive thought and what is a real doubt. I was really happy with my partner then I got one aggressive thought that I didn’t love him and this spiralled into noticing all his flaws. I struggle being around him because I feel a huge sense of guilt that these thoughts even come into my head and I cannot figure out if this is my brain lying to me or this is how I feel. It’s really impacting a relationship that is so important to me.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

Elliesmith

Date posted: 11w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

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Can it still be OCD if I don’t feel sexual attraction to my partner anymore?

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