really really need help with rocd

Anyone who’s conquered rocd I would love advice. I am in therapy but I have this one sticky thought that will not go away. I’m talking months and months. Sometimes whether it be a moment or on/off I think my partner looks ugly. It feels 100% true. This thought/feeling produces distress and guilt. I constantly am trying to figure out ocd and that’s turned obsessive. I’m constantly trying to understand what’s real and just understand what is happening to me and how to overcome this. I’ve struggled with different themes in the past, but this one is different with how the thoughts present (feeling so real immediately)

it started when i simply worried about my partner losing feelings because she was being a bit distant and so i obviously spiraled and started thinking “oh yeah she has to be losing feelings of some sort” she was only being distant because she was preparing for her confirmation party (this is important) and me and my friend hung out the same day and ended up walking to her house to say hello to her as a joke. but i was already way too deep in my spiral. right after that interaction with her, she literally reassured me right then and there that i was “cute” and that “she really likes me” but i was so caught up in the idea that shes losing feelings for me that i couldnt accept the reassurance and kept having intrusive thoughts that shes lying to me and that she doesnt mean it. but whatever, i wasnt THAT worried because her confirmation is coming up and she wouldnt lose feelings for me before something like that right? a couple days pass by and im at her confirmation party, shes being a little distant but only because shes tired (evidently too) and so i was still in a spiral. but then i met her family, and her mom let me have her number (in case i wanna schedule something with my gf) and that sparked a whole episode. i talked to her mom a couple times and started worrying about if what it would be like it i left my gf and how it would affect me and her family and quickly a thought followed up with all her physical imperfections and how much i dont like specific ones. and then another one came up. i saw one photo pf my partner and swore it looked like someone in my math class who isnt attractive. i managed to get rid of that thought the first time, and had to deal with the imperfections idea thing for a whole month. recently tho, the unattractive girl from my math class is popping up in my head again. i cannot get it out of my head, any advice? what is this phenomenon and also im pretty sure im the only person who has dealt with all of these thoughts.

I really need help rn but I feel like a horrible person. For context: I am on my period right now, 2 hours of sleep last night because cramps were so bad, haven't eaten until now and it's 7pm, had to work all day, so it's kinda just a perfect storm. On top of that my ROCD has lots to latch onto: 1) Me and my bf of almost 2 years just renewed our lease for another year and that just is obviously triggering for ROCD. 2) Somehow the biggest trigger is the fact that he shaved his beard last night, and he often wears a thick beard and when he shaves it's like he shaves 10 years off his face and I feel like I'm dating a teenager. My ROCD is really latching onto this and I'm struggling to feel attracted to him and that's opening a whole Pandora's box of ROCD fixations for me and I HATE that my brain blows up such a tiny thing into the end of the world. On top of that, I'm feeling the INCREDIBLY STRONG URGE to confess (which is a compulsion) to him that I'm having these thoughts but I know that would only give me temporary relief and would make him feel deeply insecure about himself for no good reason. I hate myself and I feel like he loves me unconditionally regardless of how I look and I'm just being so nitpicky and shallow.