How do I get past this last bump with my OCD?

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?

Anonymous

Date posted: 16d ago

Hey, congratulations about your husband. I’m happy to hear that you’re happy it sounds like you’ve been dealing with this a lot and I think maybe I shouldn’t give you advice because I actually just went to my first session today, but I have an anecdote that I think might help you. Earlier today, I felt really distraught. I won’t specify, but I really felt like my obsessions were completely hardwired into my mind, and that I could never fix it. I booked my first session in a state of extreme stress. Then, when I was talking, I was asked when I had first gotten OCD. I thought back, and suddenly remembered certain obsessions I had when I was 14. They seemed so distant now. I used to be afraid that I would do something crazy or embarrassing in public for no reason. It’s distant now, but I did used to be afraid of it. I used to obsess over it and remembering that made me realize that I shouldn’t think like I was earlier. It’s really possible to get over things. In your case, it sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress on your problems. Think back to all the doubts you’ve overcome, and let yourself be reassured that you know what this is, and you know you can overcome it.

Animallover065

Date posted: 16d ago

@Anonymous I do need to remind myself that I have gotten through this before and I will again. I’m like almost there but I still feel like it’s just hanging on with everything it has

Anxiousaddie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16d ago

I’ve also had so-ocd/HOCD since about 15. Which to me scares me and makes me feel like it’s true and I just didn’t want it to be. And then today I did an exposure of watching a video over and over of a girl and it felt like I was genuinely attracted and I had all these memories of the same feeling and it felt like I was realizing it and then I just felt so distressed.

Animallover065

Date posted: 16d ago

@Anxiousaddie That’s what’s so frustrating, like it feels so real sometimes. And I try to tell myself I don’t care but I do….. it bothers me so bad

Anxiousaddie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16d ago

@Animallover065 Right? Like everytime I’m like ya know this is fake, it’s not me. I’ll get a memory, or a thought or see a pretty girl and I’ll be totally convinced it’s real

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16d ago

Unfortunately the only way through it is by changing your responses to those intrusive thoughts. So if it’s saying you should come out as bi “oh yeah great idea, maybe I’ll do a big party and have glitter elephants there” “maybe I am bi, maybe I’m not, I don’t need to figure that out right now” “I’m enough. I’m worthy of love”. I was right there in your shoes and it does get better with ERP. I believe in you!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

Elliesmith

Date posted: 14w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

Animallover065

Date posted: 13w ago

Can anyone talk?

I’m struggling so bad. I actually started getting better but now my thoughts are back. I feel like I can’t do anything, watch a movie “oh you’re turned on by that”, go out shopping “oh you’re trying to look pretty for her”. Like what???? My brain just won’t stop!!!!!! It’s making me so depressed, I just feel like I’m about to lose it. I’m happily married, and absolutely in love with my husband. But my brain keeps saying “you’re gay! You’re bi” whatever. I’m so tired guys, I feel so alone, and this has been going on for months…

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

How do I get past this last bump with my OCD?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community