im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
Bro, I've beaten this OCD, it's been the hardest mission of my life, but in 5 months I've had enough distance to stop paying attention to all the noise. All you have to do is let go and accept that you won't find any proof of doubt. The doubt is there. Is he proof that you're not gay? Homosexuals don't ask themselves that question and never have. The mere fact that you doubt proves that you're not gay. And if it makes you feel any better, wondering is TOTALLY normal. I advise you to stop simply reassuring yourself. Let yourself doubt and be very afraid. Personally, I cried. And God knows I don't cry. The battle of OCD is not to reassure oneself but to let oneself doubt until the fear fades.
@melvin ljuskovic but im thinking like am i just creating doubt? or like am i doing this in purpose? or am i just doubting to hide from the truth. growing uo i never showed signs if homosexuality
@Lakeys.25 I'm no therapist, but to me you're clearly in doubt. Not that you doubt because you have reason to doubt. But you doubt because you're caught up in the mechanisms of OCD. That said, the doubt isn't there to hide anything, it's there because it's the primary mechanism of the OCD. This doubt says nothing about you, it proves nothing other than the fact that you're anxious and that this anxiety has crystallized on this theme.
@melvin ljuskovic Hey could I ask for some support on my recent post about POCd if you donāt mine? Itās a 18+ and a TW as itās involves sexual things etc
@Ocd is horrible Where is the post ?
@melvin ljuskovic Type my username in maybe
@Ocd is horrible Bro i didnt found it
Are you scared of being gay because of religion or your surroundings or is there a different reason?
@sarah.ek its just not who i was before and tbh i dont want men like that. also i am a christian but i dont think that affects it. its just something that i dont want to be
@Lakeys.25 I think the fact that you have the clarity to say ātbh I donāt want men like thatā shows you that your true desires are in there. Follow what YOU want, not what the urges and thoughts make you wonder.
@anonanon5 yeah for me its always been about making friendships. but ik even when i say that there will be doubts or like feeling like im lying.
This is my favorite article on the role of this weird idea of ādenialā that we have in ocd: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342
Hi Lakey, without knowing further context like Sarah asked, I questioned myself the same when I was younger. Couldn't tell if it was just from others influencing me or my own wishes. It helped me realize when I tried to date my best friend at the time but realized I can love platonically but really do not feel good touching or being kissed by the same gender. It could have been faster if I just knew it was the simple "you would enjoy it, you would love the person against all odds even if their gender was [insert blank]" so if you're not actually enjoying it must likely you're not. When you do then you were ready to live differently. So just like even actual gay people, they can't be gay unless they really do want to love a certain body type despite the fear, then they will be able to start awareness and start their own journey what they want to do with that awareness. People can look conventionally attractive too, yet when I ask myself do I want to spend the rest of my life with that person/gender intimately even emotionally, that desire is how I made peace with that what if.
@Anonymous sorry i dont understand your point
@Anonymous i think im the same as you. like all i wanted with the same sex was just pure platonic friends. i never thought of anything more with the same sex
@Lakeys.25 I was sharing my experience in case it resonates with you as I'm not sure if there were other underline fears or influences that makes you question why. My experience was about how, how am I gay or straight or both? I realized I just have a lot of love and for any physical intimacy I'm just straight. If I really do love someone with the opposite gender, I would want to hope they would find a love one that can provide their physical affection because I know I won't do that. It's not uncommon for people to be married to a best friend and never sleep together, which i feel transcends above just a label if they are gay or straight, it was this is the person they are committed to irregardless of previous notions. The label help give others an idea of a boundary of what you are looking for in a date on a generic scale of preferences.
@Anonymous thing is i tried to do the thing where you ask yourself would i want to spend the rest of my life with the same sex. i dint think if it romantically i think of like a pureplatonic brotherhood so ofc i wld say yes . like i dont think of a sexual or romantic relationship. And i really dont think that makes me gay
@Lakeys.25 Yeah it's not gay if you're thinking in a brotherhood. It is if you want romantic affection shared between the same sex. It gets a bit iffy because i haven't come across anyone who explained this following scenario in a concise way "I'm not gay but I'll marry this person because I love them no matter what" preference. So I learned to pay no mind to those who try to enforce their logic into my preferences. Like unless I'm dating them, they don't need to be so insistent if I'm straight, gay, bi, pansexual or whatever. Love is love, not gonna make a move on people i don't love and also if they don't like me that way. I've seen so many straight men do crazy flirting with each other but they are straight because to them it was like doing dad jokes for the romance quips but would never sleep or marry each other.
@Anonymous Hey could I ask for some support on my recent post about POCd if you donāt mine? Itās a 18+ and a TW as itās involves sexual things etc
@Ocd is horrible I went to bed after i messaged you, so I may have missed your post as I'm not finding it. I'm still new on this app. If I see it again or figure it out I can give it a try. My sleep is sporadic so it will be hard to plan a time to make sure I see it. Feel free to reply it here with copy and paste.
@Anonymous Are you 18+???
@Ocd is horrible Yes.
and also i when i get married i think if a woman and my best friend of the same sex as the best man
tbh as well the way this whole thing started to me highlights OCD. like it started with one intrusive thought - āim gayā - and i instantly got down on my knees and prayed and it went away. this time it came back but when i prayed it hasnt gone away and has stuck untill now
@Lakeys.25 Brother, there's no doubt it's OCD. It's nothing more than a mental machination. You are fine. If you want my advice. Stop looking for reassurance. That's what fuels obsession. OCD is made up of obsessions and compulsions. Compulsion is the behavior (avoidance, mental dialogue, searching forums, trying to remember your childhood, etc.) designed to calm anxiety, and obsession is the theme of anxiety (which reflects nothing on the sufferer). Compulsions feed obsession. Your body is on alert and paying attention sends the message to the brain that the obsession is credible. So don't fight it. The doubt will be there and I invite you to save time. You won't have a clear answer, because there isn't enough evidence to calm an anxious brain. Certainty about your sexual orientation will return when your anxiety level drops. Keep in mind that fear is the ultimate proof that it's not true. Homosexuals aren't afraid of being gay, just as a straight person isn't afraid of being straight. The suffering of gay people lies in the fear of judgment. They're okay with their sexuality. Unlike you, when you imagine you're gay. You'll suffer from being gay much more than from the way people look at you, although the thought of being gay can also scare you about the way people look at you. Don't confuse everything. Remember that homosexuals can have an OCD about being straight because sexuality is part of their identity, they identify as gay and take pleasure and have an attraction for people of the same sex, which isn't the case for you, you're afraid of having attraction. OCD can also create parasitic sensations in the genitals, which can be frightening but is nothing more than a symptom.
@melvin ljuskovic Hi it just feels like that i āknowā im gay now. like i feel like ive had this for so long and been thinking about it its turned me gay. but apparently this āknowingā feeling is called false certainty. also being gay is just not for me. i dont want to be gay. i was never attracted to men like that before and never looked at them in that sexual or romantic way. it was always about making platonic friendships with people who i thought was cool. so yeah think its just OCD thats made me convinced im gay now but this false āknowingā feeling really gets me. like the way i look at attractive men now feels different to how i looked at them before. like ive had this for 6 whole months and im scared it will stick with me.Do you have any tips? or anything?
I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(
I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently Iāve even had feelings of āwanting to be gayā and that I ādonāt want to be straightā, or that being with a woman would be nice even though thatās literally the one thing I donāt want otherwise I wouldnāt be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that Iāll just be what Iāve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like Iāve lost so much already, I couldnāt concentrate on university work and Iāve had to delay my degree for a year, Iāve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I canāt tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like itās getting worse to the point that itās actually coming true, and Iām going to have to leave my boyfriend because I canāt be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I donāt want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me āit isā and āIām lyingā and I just canāt even believe myself anymore. Iāve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesnāt work. It feels like if I accept I like woman Iāll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still havenāt even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they wonāt understand and that they will just think Iām struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I donāt even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I donāt know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore
It feels like Iām almost accepting being gay. Like Iāve been trying to test if I have suppressed feelings by imagining scenarios and that are ga like coming out and stuff. It just brings me more anxiety because I donāt want to be gay. It feels like I want to be gay so I just feel like Iām accepting it so am I actually gay? Iām over thinking this so much smh.
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