im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
Bro, I've beaten this OCD, it's been the hardest mission of my life, but in 5 months I've had enough distance to stop paying attention to all the noise. All you have to do is let go and accept that you won't find any proof of doubt. The doubt is there. Is he proof that you're not gay? Homosexuals don't ask themselves that question and never have. The mere fact that you doubt proves that you're not gay. And if it makes you feel any better, wondering is TOTALLY normal. I advise you to stop simply reassuring yourself. Let yourself doubt and be very afraid. Personally, I cried. And God knows I don't cry. The battle of OCD is not to reassure oneself but to let oneself doubt until the fear fades.
@melvin ljuskovic but im thinking like am i just creating doubt? or like am i doing this in purpose? or am i just doubting to hide from the truth. growing uo i never showed signs if homosexuality
@Lakeys.25 I'm no therapist, but to me you're clearly in doubt. Not that you doubt because you have reason to doubt. But you doubt because you're caught up in the mechanisms of OCD. That said, the doubt isn't there to hide anything, it's there because it's the primary mechanism of the OCD. This doubt says nothing about you, it proves nothing other than the fact that you're anxious and that this anxiety has crystallized on this theme.
@melvin ljuskovic Hey could I ask for some support on my recent post about POCd if you donāt mine? Itās a 18+ and a TW as itās involves sexual things etc
@Ocd is horrible Where is the post ?
@melvin ljuskovic Type my username in maybe
@Ocd is horrible Bro i didnt found it
Are you scared of being gay because of religion or your surroundings or is there a different reason?
@sarah.ek its just not who i was before and tbh i dont want men like that. also i am a christian but i dont think that affects it. its just something that i dont want to be
@Lakeys.25 I think the fact that you have the clarity to say ātbh I donāt want men like thatā shows you that your true desires are in there. Follow what YOU want, not what the urges and thoughts make you wonder.
@anonanon5 yeah for me its always been about making friendships. but ik even when i say that there will be doubts or like feeling like im lying.
This is my favorite article on the role of this weird idea of ādenialā that we have in ocd: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342
Hi Lakey, without knowing further context like Sarah asked, I questioned myself the same when I was younger. Couldn't tell if it was just from others influencing me or my own wishes. It helped me realize when I tried to date my best friend at the time but realized I can love platonically but really do not feel good touching or being kissed by the same gender. It could have been faster if I just knew it was the simple "you would enjoy it, you would love the person against all odds even if their gender was [insert blank]" so if you're not actually enjoying it must likely you're not. When you do then you were ready to live differently. So just like even actual gay people, they can't be gay unless they really do want to love a certain body type despite the fear, then they will be able to start awareness and start their own journey what they want to do with that awareness. People can look conventionally attractive too, yet when I ask myself do I want to spend the rest of my life with that person/gender intimately even emotionally, that desire is how I made peace with that what if.
@Anonymous sorry i dont understand your point
@Anonymous i think im the same as you. like all i wanted with the same sex was just pure platonic friends. i never thought of anything more with the same sex
@Lakeys.25 I was sharing my experience in case it resonates with you as I'm not sure if there were other underline fears or influences that makes you question why. My experience was about how, how am I gay or straight or both? I realized I just have a lot of love and for any physical intimacy I'm just straight. If I really do love someone with the opposite gender, I would want to hope they would find a love one that can provide their physical affection because I know I won't do that. It's not uncommon for people to be married to a best friend and never sleep together, which i feel transcends above just a label if they are gay or straight, it was this is the person they are committed to irregardless of previous notions. The label help give others an idea of a boundary of what you are looking for in a date on a generic scale of preferences.
@Anonymous thing is i tried to do the thing where you ask yourself would i want to spend the rest of my life with the same sex. i dint think if it romantically i think of like a pureplatonic brotherhood so ofc i wld say yes . like i dont think of a sexual or romantic relationship. And i really dont think that makes me gay
@Lakeys.25 Yeah it's not gay if you're thinking in a brotherhood. It is if you want romantic affection shared between the same sex. It gets a bit iffy because i haven't come across anyone who explained this following scenario in a concise way "I'm not gay but I'll marry this person because I love them no matter what" preference. So I learned to pay no mind to those who try to enforce their logic into my preferences. Like unless I'm dating them, they don't need to be so insistent if I'm straight, gay, bi, pansexual or whatever. Love is love, not gonna make a move on people i don't love and also if they don't like me that way. I've seen so many straight men do crazy flirting with each other but they are straight because to them it was like doing dad jokes for the romance quips but would never sleep or marry each other.
@Anonymous Hey could I ask for some support on my recent post about POCd if you donāt mine? Itās a 18+ and a TW as itās involves sexual things etc
@Ocd is horrible I went to bed after i messaged you, so I may have missed your post as I'm not finding it. I'm still new on this app. If I see it again or figure it out I can give it a try. My sleep is sporadic so it will be hard to plan a time to make sure I see it. Feel free to reply it here with copy and paste.
@Anonymous Are you 18+???
@Ocd is horrible Yes.
and also i when i get married i think if a woman and my best friend of the same sex as the best man
tbh as well the way this whole thing started to me highlights OCD. like it started with one intrusive thought - āim gayā - and i instantly got down on my knees and prayed and it went away. this time it came back but when i prayed it hasnt gone away and has stuck untill now
@Lakeys.25 Brother, there's no doubt it's OCD. It's nothing more than a mental machination. You are fine. If you want my advice. Stop looking for reassurance. That's what fuels obsession. OCD is made up of obsessions and compulsions. Compulsion is the behavior (avoidance, mental dialogue, searching forums, trying to remember your childhood, etc.) designed to calm anxiety, and obsession is the theme of anxiety (which reflects nothing on the sufferer). Compulsions feed obsession. Your body is on alert and paying attention sends the message to the brain that the obsession is credible. So don't fight it. The doubt will be there and I invite you to save time. You won't have a clear answer, because there isn't enough evidence to calm an anxious brain. Certainty about your sexual orientation will return when your anxiety level drops. Keep in mind that fear is the ultimate proof that it's not true. Homosexuals aren't afraid of being gay, just as a straight person isn't afraid of being straight. The suffering of gay people lies in the fear of judgment. They're okay with their sexuality. Unlike you, when you imagine you're gay. You'll suffer from being gay much more than from the way people look at you, although the thought of being gay can also scare you about the way people look at you. Don't confuse everything. Remember that homosexuals can have an OCD about being straight because sexuality is part of their identity, they identify as gay and take pleasure and have an attraction for people of the same sex, which isn't the case for you, you're afraid of having attraction. OCD can also create parasitic sensations in the genitals, which can be frightening but is nothing more than a symptom.
@melvin ljuskovic Hi it just feels like that i āknowā im gay now. like i feel like ive had this for so long and been thinking about it its turned me gay. but apparently this āknowingā feeling is called false certainty. also being gay is just not for me. i dont want to be gay. i was never attracted to men like that before and never looked at them in that sexual or romantic way. it was always about making platonic friendships with people who i thought was cool. so yeah think its just OCD thats made me convinced im gay now but this false āknowingā feeling really gets me. like the way i look at attractive men now feels different to how i looked at them before. like ive had this for 6 whole months and im scared it will stick with me.Do you have any tips? or anything?
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever Iām down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illnessā¦. I hate to say it but I hate living right now itās too painfulā¦ im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now iām 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think Iām gay and didnāt realize or indenial and listen I get it ādonāt look for reassurance!ā āItās not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!ā Hereās the thing with that if Iām in a relationship and Iām gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that āoh yeah that stuff happens and youāll move onā is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didnāt realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it canāt google says otherwise and some people have said it canāt idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I canāt take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why canāt I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the bodyās and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still donāt get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because Iām with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain Iām (demi sexual so I donāt even really care about looks) and I truly didnāt care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I donāt like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldnāt be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didnāt even care about labels before my ocd it just didnāt matter but now itās effected my sex life and itās hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused Iām so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner Iām with right now!!! Iām so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that Iām gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out itās been true all along?!???
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I donāt want, and then tries to convince me that I do. Itās painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I donāt want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but Iām terrified that one day Iāll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. Iāve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that Iām "bisexual." Iāve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge meātelling me, āYou donāt even know what love feels like.ā It wonāt shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that Iām a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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