im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
Bro, I've beaten this OCD, it's been the hardest mission of my life, but in 5 months I've had enough distance to stop paying attention to all the noise. All you have to do is let go and accept that you won't find any proof of doubt. The doubt is there. Is he proof that you're not gay? Homosexuals don't ask themselves that question and never have. The mere fact that you doubt proves that you're not gay. And if it makes you feel any better, wondering is TOTALLY normal. I advise you to stop simply reassuring yourself. Let yourself doubt and be very afraid. Personally, I cried. And God knows I don't cry. The battle of OCD is not to reassure oneself but to let oneself doubt until the fear fades.
@melvin ljuskovic but im thinking like am i just creating doubt? or like am i doing this in purpose? or am i just doubting to hide from the truth. growing uo i never showed signs if homosexuality
@Lakeys.25 I'm no therapist, but to me you're clearly in doubt. Not that you doubt because you have reason to doubt. But you doubt because you're caught up in the mechanisms of OCD. That said, the doubt isn't there to hide anything, it's there because it's the primary mechanism of the OCD. This doubt says nothing about you, it proves nothing other than the fact that you're anxious and that this anxiety has crystallized on this theme.
@melvin ljuskovic Hey could I ask for some support on my recent post about POCd if you donât mine? Itâs a 18+ and a TW as itâs involves sexual things etc
@Ocd is horrible Where is the post ?
@melvin ljuskovic Type my username in maybe
@Ocd is horrible Bro i didnt found it
Are you scared of being gay because of religion or your surroundings or is there a different reason?
@sarah.ek its just not who i was before and tbh i dont want men like that. also i am a christian but i dont think that affects it. its just something that i dont want to be
@Lakeys.25 I think the fact that you have the clarity to say âtbh I donât want men like thatâ shows you that your true desires are in there. Follow what YOU want, not what the urges and thoughts make you wonder.
@anonanon5 yeah for me its always been about making friendships. but ik even when i say that there will be doubts or like feeling like im lying.
This is my favorite article on the role of this weird idea of âdenialâ that we have in ocd: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342
Hi Lakey, without knowing further context like Sarah asked, I questioned myself the same when I was younger. Couldn't tell if it was just from others influencing me or my own wishes. It helped me realize when I tried to date my best friend at the time but realized I can love platonically but really do not feel good touching or being kissed by the same gender. It could have been faster if I just knew it was the simple "you would enjoy it, you would love the person against all odds even if their gender was [insert blank]" so if you're not actually enjoying it must likely you're not. When you do then you were ready to live differently. So just like even actual gay people, they can't be gay unless they really do want to love a certain body type despite the fear, then they will be able to start awareness and start their own journey what they want to do with that awareness. People can look conventionally attractive too, yet when I ask myself do I want to spend the rest of my life with that person/gender intimately even emotionally, that desire is how I made peace with that what if.
@Anonymous sorry i dont understand your point
@Anonymous i think im the same as you. like all i wanted with the same sex was just pure platonic friends. i never thought of anything more with the same sex
@Lakeys.25 I was sharing my experience in case it resonates with you as I'm not sure if there were other underline fears or influences that makes you question why. My experience was about how, how am I gay or straight or both? I realized I just have a lot of love and for any physical intimacy I'm just straight. If I really do love someone with the opposite gender, I would want to hope they would find a love one that can provide their physical affection because I know I won't do that. It's not uncommon for people to be married to a best friend and never sleep together, which i feel transcends above just a label if they are gay or straight, it was this is the person they are committed to irregardless of previous notions. The label help give others an idea of a boundary of what you are looking for in a date on a generic scale of preferences.
@Anonymous thing is i tried to do the thing where you ask yourself would i want to spend the rest of my life with the same sex. i dint think if it romantically i think of like a pureplatonic brotherhood so ofc i wld say yes . like i dont think of a sexual or romantic relationship. And i really dont think that makes me gay
@Lakeys.25 Yeah it's not gay if you're thinking in a brotherhood. It is if you want romantic affection shared between the same sex. It gets a bit iffy because i haven't come across anyone who explained this following scenario in a concise way "I'm not gay but I'll marry this person because I love them no matter what" preference. So I learned to pay no mind to those who try to enforce their logic into my preferences. Like unless I'm dating them, they don't need to be so insistent if I'm straight, gay, bi, pansexual or whatever. Love is love, not gonna make a move on people i don't love and also if they don't like me that way. I've seen so many straight men do crazy flirting with each other but they are straight because to them it was like doing dad jokes for the romance quips but would never sleep or marry each other.
@Anonymous Hey could I ask for some support on my recent post about POCd if you donât mine? Itâs a 18+ and a TW as itâs involves sexual things etc
@Ocd is horrible I went to bed after i messaged you, so I may have missed your post as I'm not finding it. I'm still new on this app. If I see it again or figure it out I can give it a try. My sleep is sporadic so it will be hard to plan a time to make sure I see it. Feel free to reply it here with copy and paste.
@Anonymous Are you 18+???
@Ocd is horrible Yes.
and also i when i get married i think if a woman and my best friend of the same sex as the best man
tbh as well the way this whole thing started to me highlights OCD. like it started with one intrusive thought - âim gayâ - and i instantly got down on my knees and prayed and it went away. this time it came back but when i prayed it hasnt gone away and has stuck untill now
@Lakeys.25 Brother, there's no doubt it's OCD. It's nothing more than a mental machination. You are fine. If you want my advice. Stop looking for reassurance. That's what fuels obsession. OCD is made up of obsessions and compulsions. Compulsion is the behavior (avoidance, mental dialogue, searching forums, trying to remember your childhood, etc.) designed to calm anxiety, and obsession is the theme of anxiety (which reflects nothing on the sufferer). Compulsions feed obsession. Your body is on alert and paying attention sends the message to the brain that the obsession is credible. So don't fight it. The doubt will be there and I invite you to save time. You won't have a clear answer, because there isn't enough evidence to calm an anxious brain. Certainty about your sexual orientation will return when your anxiety level drops. Keep in mind that fear is the ultimate proof that it's not true. Homosexuals aren't afraid of being gay, just as a straight person isn't afraid of being straight. The suffering of gay people lies in the fear of judgment. They're okay with their sexuality. Unlike you, when you imagine you're gay. You'll suffer from being gay much more than from the way people look at you, although the thought of being gay can also scare you about the way people look at you. Don't confuse everything. Remember that homosexuals can have an OCD about being straight because sexuality is part of their identity, they identify as gay and take pleasure and have an attraction for people of the same sex, which isn't the case for you, you're afraid of having attraction. OCD can also create parasitic sensations in the genitals, which can be frightening but is nothing more than a symptom.
@melvin ljuskovic Hi it just feels like that i âknowâ im gay now. like i feel like ive had this for so long and been thinking about it its turned me gay. but apparently this âknowingâ feeling is called false certainty. also being gay is just not for me. i dont want to be gay. i was never attracted to men like that before and never looked at them in that sexual or romantic way. it was always about making platonic friendships with people who i thought was cool. so yeah think its just OCD thats made me convinced im gay now but this false âknowingâ feeling really gets me. like the way i look at attractive men now feels different to how i looked at them before. like ive had this for 6 whole months and im scared it will stick with me.Do you have any tips? or anything?
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now theyâre just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself itâs two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself itâs alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if itâs just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but itâs confusing. On top of that Iâve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like Iâd be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk Iâve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that Iâm straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
just crying cause i feel like im never going to recover and just have to be lesbian, even tho i love my boyfriend so much. thoughts donât even give me anxiety anymore idk what to do, im just so done, feel like itâs all real and that i want it(when i dont). any tips or anything, idk how to keep going
hey guys, i am really really struggling and i feel like crying. evry day i get this feeling of sexual attraction to the same gender, and i get those feelings even just thinking about it now. i hste them and want them to go away but they simply wonât and it has me thinking that this is just how my life is gonna be like. when i was fully healed or atleast thought i was healed from the false attraction and soocd, i still sometimes got that attraction feeling, and i would force my body not to feel it. i hated it and was scared of liking it so i would like stop breathing and make it stop. it was only ever occasional but this is making me concerned now too, because i still sometimes felt that feeling when i was healed. now currently my main trigger is masculine girls, but when my soocd first started i had no false attraction or attraction like this towards girls, and it was all just in my mind like saying, âdonât look at that girl or youâre gay.â there was one point in my soocd where i was worried about being attracted to my friends, but i am greatful in the sense of i know that that is not true and my main issue is the false attraction watching videos and i have experienced it once in real life too and i hated it. please lmk what i should do or even if you can relate. i am sick of feeling th is way, and i am a christian too so this makes it harder. iâve tried everything like accepting it, or trying to even say to myself yes u do like it but it always just leads to me being scared.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
