Deleted post.

I would recommend that you ground yourself with meditation and self soothe yourself. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, then release for 4 seconds. Keep doing that for 5-10 minutes if needed. Added bonus is to grab some ice and hold it in your hand. This keeps the mind in the present moment, so you no longer are spiraling into your triggers. These are not permanent or long term solutions but just enough to stay present as you ride through your thoughts. I hope this helps for now.

I am dealing with this theme right now too. I would look up the 4 step process for dealing with OCD. It’s not a replacement for therapy but I find it helpful at times when OCD or therapy is getting to be too much.

Sorry you’re going through this. I can relate to the existential thoughts. From time to time I catch myself going down the OCD rabbit hole at which point I lean towards the uncertainty. For example the thought pops up, my kids are a figment of my imagination. My response is maybe they are/maybe they’re not. This is my OCD and I choose not to engage it. And the times when I get hugs from them, I’ll live in the present and cherish the moment with them. Please know that you are not alone.