i’m posting.. again

i feel the need to say sorry because i’m posting yet again. i’m having a REALLY DIFFICULT episode of ocd that i haven’t had for a few months now. i experience contamination ocd everyday and have constant anxiety attacks, however because that’s so normal to me and doesn’t affect anyone but myself, it doesn’t affect me in the same way harm ocd does. i haven’t had to deal with really bad harm ocd thoughts for a good bit now so i’m struggling so bad right now. if anyone has seen my previous posts (which i’m sure you have), this came about over a small change that happened a couple weeks ago. it’s now blossoming into a full episode. it’s making me feel paralyzed and not want to do anything, but i know in the past i had to force myself to distract myself by actually doing things. i’m supposed to hang out with my friend tomorrow, but i’m so close to cancelling because i feel like i can’t do it. my physical symptoms are also worse than what i feel like i’m used to and it’s terrifying me into thinking i’m gonna get sick. i just don’t know how to get through it. it feels like impending doom and constant panic. i just want to feel like myself again and happy

voyager272

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m sorry you’re having a very difficult time right now. The first thing to remember is that all emotions are temporary. The anxiety and fear you feel will pass. In the midst of it, it’s the worst thing in the world, but you will get through it. If you are working with your therapist, look back at your support plan and see what was on there that helps ground you. When you’re caught in the storm of racing thoughts and fears it can be very easy to get lost in your head. Look around you and notice things around you. ERP is something that you have to practice but it’s not really a coping skill. Use those to center yourself and then you can progress through your exposures with more intention. You got this!

flowerpetals

Date posted: Yesterday

@voyager272 i unfortunately don’t have therapy through here as they don’t take my insurance, but i appreciate you support! i know these feelings will eventually pass, but when it’s been so persistent, it feels like forever. however, grounding myself is something i definitely needed to hear so thank you!

Clairenz

Date posted: Yesterday

Doom and dread always been big for me. Honestly the only way through is... Through. Its so hard doing erp but letting ocd run the show is much harder. Just keep doing the erp. Keep going. Be kind to yourself... You can do this.

flowerpetals

Date posted: Yesterday

@Clairenz this all started from a simple room change and now i feel like i’m losing my mind. i’m starting to consider possibly taking medication, but am really scared to talk to my mom about it. thank you for your support though!

flowerpetals

Date posted: Yesterday

i have more to add, but don’t want to keep posting. i just feel like i’m disappointing me from 2023. i was struggling the worse i ever had at that point in my life, but since then, i’ve been doing fairly well minus a few episodes here and there. also, it makes me so sad to see people who also struggle with ocd. the mental anguish is unlike anything else. it’s absolutely debilitating and not something i would EVER wish on another person. i’m just really struggling with trying to expose myself to the change that’s causing this whole episode, but it’s extremely hard for some reason and all i want to do is reverse it back to what it was.

SF18

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Flowerpetals First of all I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve been experiencing. Change is hard, especially with OCD. It is so difficult to sit with the unknown. That may be some of what you are experiencing. When there is a change, you do not know a guaranteed result. The future is unclear. But it sounds like you’ve pulled yourself out from this before and I believe you will again. Setbacks just plain suck, let’s tell it like it is. You feel unrooted, like the ground has been pulled from below you. But you are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experience. Medication may be helpful. I’m not ashamed to share that I have been on medication for years to help my serotonin levels. In regard to the different OCD themes, you might be surprised to learn that no matter how OCD presents itself, the response should always be the same, learning to sit with the thoughts and realize they are only temporary thoughts. Try to reframe your thoughts and ground yourself to something in the present that brings you joy. Show yourself some self compassion for being able to reach out for support ❤️

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

I'm sorry if I keep posting I'm just scared..

Like I'm not even scared I feel numb and ever since that night I've completely went down hill Idk what to do the feeling i felt this time genuily felt like i liked it and i didnt even have anxiety at that moment and now I'm panicking I really hope this is still OCD like I'm sorry if I'm still asking for reassurance but im really worried like it felt good in that moment I don't understand what's going on like I hope it was a false feeling and not something real.....like this has happened before but Idk 😭😭😭😭 I really don't know what to I don't want to turn into a p word I don't this I've been sleeping all day I still do compulsions a little to get rid of the thoughts but I've been getting sexual thoughts too and I don't want them but I feel like I do I don't understand I though I was getting better but I guess every time I get better everything gets worse..

ConstantPain

Date posted: 17w ago

Dealing with a lot. Need support and company.

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

joshuadrennen

Date posted: 8w ago

struggling with harm OCD

i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help

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