Date posted: 3d

Tips for someone starting out with Therapy?

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d

“I can’t look at children, they deserve better.” The very fact that this thought hurts you so deeply tells me something profound: you care. People with POCD often begin avoiding kids, images, places — not because they’re unsafe, but because the OCD is latching onto what they love and value. OCD attacks what matters most. In your case, it sounds like innocence, safety, and your own sense of integrity. > “I don’t have many other OCD symptoms…” OCD doesn’t need to be obvious or textbook to be real. You mentioned questioning everything about yourself — that’s often a huge part of what we call Pure-O (purely obsessional OCD), and it can be subtle or internal, so it flies under the radar. POCD is often accompanied by: Mental reviewing (“Did I look too long? Did I feel something?”) Avoidance (of kids, media, places, etc.) Seeking reassurance (Google, Reddit, inner moral analysis) Compulsions disguised as self-checks or moral reasoning So if it doesn’t “look like OCD,” that doesn’t mean it isn’t. > “What if therapy doesn’t help?” Therapy can help. ERP (exposure and response prevention) and sometimes ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) are gold-standard treatments for OCD. It’s scary to start. It’s okay to be scared. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed. You may not believe in your recovery right now — so borrow my belief in you until you can build your own. You deserve treatment not because you're good or bad — but because you're in pain. What You Can Do Right Now: Be careful with reassurance-seeking. This message I’m writing to you is different than compulsive reassurance — it’s validation, not a ritual. But if you notice yourself Googling or checking constantly, gently acknowledge it and consider working with your therapist on resisting that urge. Name the bully. Call the intrusive thoughts what they are: “OCD thoughts.” You don’t have to argue with them. Arguing with OCD just feeds it. Label it, and let the thought sit there like background static. It’s hard — it takes practice — but it’s how healing begins. Stay in therapy. Tell your therapist everything you’ve told me. Even the shameful parts. Especially those. A good therapist will not flinch, will not judge you, and will help you carry this pain until it feels lighter. Practice self-compassion. You wrote: “I just want to be held and told everything will be okay.” That wish? That’s your humanity. It’s your tenderness speaking. That part of you deserves protection and love — even if you don’t feel like you “deserve” it. Maybe read that sentence to yourself again. Out loud. Gently. Finally, this: You're at the beginning of something hard and important. And you're showing up — through the fear, through the shame, through the “what ifs.” That’s courage. That’s not something a monster would do. That’s what a deeply feeling, conscientious person does. You’re allowed to heal. You’re allowed to get help. And you're allowed to hope that it might one day feel okay to be you again.

Anony1314

Date posted: 3d

@Carrie Wells This is amazing advice, it and helped me as well. Could I get some support from you without taking away from this person's post?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d

@Anony1314 - How can I be supportive?

Anony1314

Date posted: 3d

@Carrie Wells Am I the P I was always scared to be? Or am I still the amazing mom I once was? I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?

Anony1314

Date posted: 3d

@Carrie Wells And sorry for the long comment

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d

@Anony1314 - You are not alone, and this sounds like OCD — not abuse. What you described is incredibly distressing, but it fits the pattern of POCD and not harmful intent. POCD attacks what you care about most — your child — and creates terrifying thoughts, urges, and sensations that feel real. The groinal sensations, intrusive thoughts like “you wanted this,” and even the act of touching with your elbow likely came from a state of panic and compulsive mental spiraling, not desire or intent to harm. The fact that you were horrified afterward — crying, confessing, sleeping on the floor — shows that you are a loving, responsible parent. People who truly mean harm don’t react like that. Your medication may have worsened your OCD symptoms. That’s not your fault. You were vulnerable, and your brain latched onto your worst fear in the worst moment. This is what OCD does: it makes you doubt your morals and memories, then punishes you with guilt and shame. But you’re not a bad mom — you’re a good mom who’s suffering and deserves compassion and proper treatment. You don’t need punishment. You need support, understanding, and help from someone who specializes in OCD and intrusive thoughts. If you want help finding that kind of support, I’m here for that too. You are not a monster. You are not alone. And you can get through this.

Anony1314

Date posted: 3d

@Carrie Wells And how amazing is this and YOU! You are an OCD specialist and I needed this more than you know. I'm struggling and feel like I belong away. I love my child more than life itself, and I feel so unworthy. Even if it felt, in the moment, wanted and too real like it was to cause harm, it's still my OCD based upon my true values too? I am so careful around children because of my POCD, so this has debilitated me

Anony1314

Date posted: 3d

@Carrie Wells I'm really struggling right now.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d

@Anony1314 - I am so sorry you're feeling so isolated and fearful right now! POCD is insipid for these reasons. Remember, thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. You are the one who gives them meaning and you can reassign the meaning. They don't have to mean anything at all. You do not have to engage with them or figure anything out. Just ride the wave. It's extra hard to do when you're struggling, but know that it is possible to disengage and move on. Acceptance is imperative. NOT accepting that the thoughts and feelings are true, but accepting they exist and accepting uncertainty. OCD is not a thinking problem it's an inability to tolerate uncertainty and sit with uncomfortable things. I've share this many times as I really think it's a powerful talk, so maybe it will help you too: https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/acceptance-scripts-with-jon-grayson-ep-341/

Anony1314

Date posted: 2d

@Carrie Wells Thank you so much. I appreciate your time you've given me more than you know. Could I ask just this one simple question: do you HONESTLY believe I'm still worthy to be in my daughter's life and be her mom after all this?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d

@Anony1314 - What you're looking for is certainty, and there is no certainty. However, given that all things remain uncertain, and Based upon all you've said to me today, I think that you are worthy to be in your daughter's life. It sounds as though you value and love her more than anything else.

Anony1314

Date posted: 2d

@Carrie Wells Thank you Ms. Carrie. Why is there no certainty if you don't mind me asking?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d

@Anony1314 - Because the reality is there is no certainty. Try to think of anything that is certain in this world.

Anony1314

Date posted: 2d

@Carrie Wells True, thank you. And sorry for all the questions.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d

@Anony1314 - No apology necessary! I hope I've been helpful!

Anony1314

Date posted: 2d

@Carrie Wells You have been! I just have been feeling so much guilt and I feel like I'm a monster

Anony1314

Date posted: 2d

@Carrie Wells So it's hard

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d

@Anony1314 - It is hard because OCD FEELS SO REAL. But it's not. It's just very convincing. Disengage and move on.

Claire Thomp...

Date posted: 3d

It's normal to question your diagnosis, I did when I was first diagnosed and even every now and then I have the thought "do I really have OCD?" Take things at your own pace, I'm not gonna lie but recovery isn't linear, you will feel worse before you feel better, even though you feel worse that's often a good sign that your brain is learning. When you're feeling it more intensely try to remember to be kind to yourself. You're learning a new skill and that takes time to master. You are strong enough to cope with the distress OCD causes, despite what it throws at you. I hope that helps in some way. You got this 💪

Anony1314

Date posted: 3d

I totally understand your feelings, and I feel as though it's very common to question your diagnosis when you have OCD. I do all the time, especially with POCD!

My OCD Academia

Date posted: 2d

That whole “has to feel real” saying is misleading. It makes it seem that you constantly be in panic in order for you to not be deemed a pedo. That’s not how it works. Eventually, you will be able to have these thoughts come across your mind and not do compulsions or freak out about them. That’s when OCD is going to try and backdoor and make you question why you’re not freaking out.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d

Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. It’s very common to question your diagnosis and to feel scared when starting therapy, especially when OCD makes things feel so real and distressing. The fact that you care so much and feel sadness for your younger self shows your compassion and humanity. Therapy can be a helpful space to explore these feelings and learn new ways to respond to them. If you’d like additional support, feel free to book a free call with our NOCD team. We’d be happy to share more information and explore ways to help. No one has to live in fear of their own thoughts. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/how-can-i-tell-if-im-a-manipulator-a-therapist-explains https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-harm-ocd-guide-to-ocd-subtype/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/is-it-normal-to-question-my-sexuality-for-years-a-therapist-weighs-in

katr :,)

Date posted: 20w

It all feels so real :( after 4 years

It feels like I used to get so many intrusive thoughts in the beginning but now it’s less it’s only thoughts like what if I’m a p what if I’m a p what if I’m lying to myself what if I’m in dentist truly in all this and it was all fake like I’m an imposter, now it’s just feelings and noticing :/ and I hate he feelings that come with it I’m really scared I am one I feel so alone :( I’m taking therapy but my therapist is not specialized in ocd and I don’t think she understands and I don’t want to bring it up bc I brought up a fear that what if I turn into my stepdad and she said “are you attracted to children?” And I said no but it was just an irrational thought that came after I started realizing the trauma that happened to me as a kid, and idk I’m scared to Start with a therapists here bc what if all this just makes it worse and it turns out I am what I fear all along.? :(

UnknownPersonel

Date posted: 18w

Dad with pocd

Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore

nae nae

Date posted: 16w

CSA + fear of becoming like abusers

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍

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