geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

About hocd

This shit has to be one of the most confusing subtypes of ocd because no matter what you will never find clarity. When it started it wasn’t as bad and confusing because it was mostly anxiety. But when it started getting physical that’s when it got extremely confusing because I feel tension and fear when thinking of gay stuff but while testing I get arousal sensations so the big question is “if I am afraid of it how can my body respond as if I’m into it and if I’m into it how does my body respond with fear as if I’m not” and it’s endless. I wish I never started testing my arousal so I never started getting groinals to gay stuff in the first place. But there’s no going back now.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

You can beat this :) There are people who have recovered from this theme. It’s possible to get over just like any other theme 💪

geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

I just want my entire life to reset

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

I'm also having groinals

Kellymerellie

Date posted: 10w

So something that I've learned is that you can be scared of something and your body will react to it in ways that you don't want it to. Especially when it comes to sexual things, your body responds to something that's relevant even though you may not like it. For an instance if a guy would touch you the same way a girl would touch you sexually, your body will have the same kind of arousal even though you're only attracted to girls. It's not because you like that the guy touched you it's just the sensation that you liked. If you aren't actually being touched and it's just mentally based, your body is doing the same exact thing. I struggle with this as well, but I have to keep telling myself that these feelings are not who I am and they do not define who I am. The more you focus on arousal the more likely it is to happen, so don't be scared that you are being aroused by things that you don't want to be aroused by. Because deep in your heart you know what you are sexually attracted to

geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

@Kellymerellie Well my body wasn’t reacting before the obsession started that’s what’s confusing to me

Kellymerellie

Date posted: 10w

@geodrimilis So this probably due to you not focusing on it before. Now you are more self aware of your body and it's feelings when in the past you never cared. So, when a person/ people pointed it out then you became on alert (Sorry I was mixing you up with another post... But I figured it out next replied... This does still stand though 😅)

geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

@Kellymerellie Like I’m pretty sure I watched something gay before ocd started cuz I just wanted to see how it is but i didn’t get any kind of reaction ive only been consistently attracted to girls before this started

Kellymerellie

Date posted: 10w

@geodrimilis I think it's because you never saw yourself as gay before so when you watched it, you didn't think...Oh I could be attracted to this, but now that OCD is making you scared that maybe you are gay, you are trying to see if the thoughts are right or wrong based on feelings and body responses. However, due to focusing on arousal, you are becoming aroused do to sexual relevance and not actually desire.

Kellymerellie

Date posted: 10w

@geodrimilis Also sorry I was confusing you with another post on here but it's the same principle. You didn't get told that you could be gay, you had doubts due to anxiety, but when you started getting physical responses that's when you got confused and concerned

geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

@Kellymerellie Yes

Kellymerellie

Date posted: 10w

@geodrimilis I think you are just so focused on not getting aroused that your body is automatically turning on arousal... The human body is very weird and complex.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

@Kellymerellie Also I’ve noticed when I’m not anxious and I test the groinals are WAY less intense

Kellymerellie

Date posted: 10w

@geodrimilis That's very interesting I guess it's because when you aren't worrying you will have it, you aren't triggering your brain to respond to what's relevant but when you are worried it puts your brain into overdrive causing your body to respond to whatever is sexually relevant

geodrimilis

Date posted: 21w

Hocd vs actually gay (my opinion)

So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.

Sexual Orientation OCD

geodrimilis

Date posted: 19w

Hocd is literally a clown in my head.

Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

I’m so tired. HOCD is the worst.

I don’t know what to do with this bs anymore. I’m crying again and again and again and again. I cannot describe how painful this is. I’ve recovered from every single OCD subtype expect this one. HOCD is so scary and it’s so incredibly scary how it feels so real. The issue with this subtype is how intertwined it is with feelings and sensations. I hate how it keeps latching onto the past and uses the past as proof. I don’t want it to be the truth. I don’t want to accept any possibility.

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