Signs of ROCD ?

My trauma has always prevented me from pursuing a romantic relationship, I’ve always been super terrified of pursuing something with someone for just about every reason I could conjure up. Now, I’ve met someone and I’ve tried so, so hard to push away all those anxieties to make it work; but I feel like the more involved I get, I become more scared and I dwell on more things that may be signs that our “relationship” should end. I keep thinking over and over that I’m not good enough for them, I might be their “target,” they’re not right for me, our feelings are not mutual, it couldn’t work out between us, my friends and family would not approve, I’m not ready for it, etc. Recently, I tried to break things off with them because they were too tall for me. I started sobbing because I was scared that I was being and awful person and I had completely screwed everything up between us. I wanna know if this sounds like ROCD ? I always had a hunch that I could have, but I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to find out. Please feel free to ask me any clarifying questions. Right now I’m probably not making much sense haha.

Rissyroo6

Date posted: 26w

I deal with this exact same thing and it does sound like ROCD to me. I am currently talking to someone new and we’ve been on exactly one date and I deal with these thoughts constantly lol. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is laugh… dating is supposed to be fun, maybe not always easy but at least fun. For people like us it’s just a playground for our intrusive thoughts. Mind if I ask you if you have any other themes that you know of? Just curious as I’m usually able to handle my ocd super easily except when I’m trying to be in a relationship and then it just all goes to hell haha

k 🌠

Date posted: 26w

@Rissyroo6 Hi, thank you for your response! It means a lot. Before this I’ve only really struggled with Contamination OCD, as far as I was aware. I’ve been able to handle it fairly well, especially recently. I’ve never had to worry much about ROCD since I haven’t had a lot of experience romantically. I’m not sure how to handle it just yet, right now it just feels like a lot of insecurity and anxiety. Now I’m overthinking every trait I’ve shown or thought I’ve had surrounding relationships. For a long time I’ve believed that I’ve had some sort of sexual aversion. Maybe the sexual aversion is a contributor to my potential ROCD, because it gives me extreme anxiety about how my relationship and I are perceived, and how close I’m willing to get with a person. Sometimes I find myself trying to control and categorize us and our relationship in my mind. I have to find balance so that neither of us seems “better” than the other; for example, they can be the smart one if i get to be the pretty one. This way of thinking has me so obsessed with how much of that trait I show. They need to reassure me so much, and I hate having to be the person that needs constant reassurance. Sorry for the long reply lmao. My mind is racing.

Rissyroo6

Date posted: 26w

@k 🌠 I completely understand and relate to that, you’re not alone in that way of thinking. I feel like my ROCD stems from a deep feeling of inadequacy, I’ve also been cheated on in past relationships and so that’s where my overanalyzing stems. I think it’s somewhat interesting that our brains can come to the same conclusion of overanalyzing / overthinking / checking behaviors after different types of traumas/ learned behaviors. I’m mostly just saying this to let you know that these feelings are normal and that I think most people on this app can relate. The best advice I can give is to just let yourself think. It sounds counterintuitive but the more you just allow the thoughts to happen without controlling them the “quieter” they become. For example, if you’re thinking about how your partner feels about you, allow yourself to think ‘worst case’ without trying to control the thoughts. Things like “maybe my partner doesn’t like me. Maybe my partner is just tolerating me and doesn’t actually care. God it’s so annoying how my partner does ____”. By just letting the thoughts happen without trying to find evidence for how those things AREN’T true, you allow your brain to tolerate uncertainty. I’m proud of you, you’re doing amazing ❤️ sorry for the long winded reply haha

k 🌠

Date posted: 26w

@Rissyroo6 Thank you so much. This was just what i needed to hear ❤️❤️ i appreciate it a lot

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