Life so far?

So, i haven’t posted on here in a while. Which, honestly I should have. Bc this is a great place to hear I’m not alone. But, I have been with this girl Julie, then Kaleb, and then Julie again. Now I’m not with her, and I’m with Eleanor. She’s lovely. But, I’m thinking “what if she isn’t? What if she’s just like them and is lying about how fine it is that I’m being open.” All these what ifs. Cause I have always thought the past people I was with were “good people” but they didn’t listen like she does. And just the decent thing a human should do. It’s hard thinking I’m ruining everything. And thinking I’m not good enough. Usually these relationships fall apart, so with that mindset Im retracting my emotions. I feel like i’m Oversharing with her. And it’s bothering her. And I ask if it is, she says it isn’t. Again it’s just a bunch of what ifs bc ik I would lie and say it isn’t bothering me sometimes. But she isn’t me. GRRRR THIS SHIT IS JUST FRUSTRATING

chaitea

Date posted: 25w

My advice would be to act natural and trust other people to communicate their needs, boundaries, etc. She says it’s fine, so believe her unless and until she says otherwise. If you keep asking whether you’re oversharing, you’re not only shaping a narrative but also continually putting the insecurity on someone else and the energy to externally soothe that insecurity, which can compile and get exhausting itself. Then, you’ve created a problem when there wouldn’t have been one! It’s like people who are so terrified of their partner cheating that they cause issues by preemptively acting distrustful of them without cause. If someone is unfaithful, there will be signs. The mistrust prior to those signs becomes a separate issue that’s wedged into the relationship and can compile. That said, that’s so exciting to have someone you’re enjoying and who is there for you! Living with the uncertainty is tough, but such is life. We can’t know for sure in advance. We just ride the ride and take things as they come.

album

Date posted: 24w

@chaitea It’s just so hard not to feel these feelings. And it’s like my body is hard wired that way. Even though she’s always nice and there for me, and says it isn’t too much. I just feel too needy of reassurance sometimes. And I feel like it’s a trauma response or some bs-

chaitea

Date posted: 24w

@album So what if you are a needy person? Do you think needy people have others who are more and less compatible with their mode of existence— just like every other subject-type? I say this because A. there is no average person. It’s a fantasy statistic that compiles everyone into a sense of normalcy. Like every other trait, you will always skew toward being needier than average or being more stoic /unaffected than average, both of which come with different relational problems for various other subject-types. And B. The sooner you say, “You know what? Maybe I am needy, maybe I’m not. That’s beyond my control,” and come to terms with the uncertainty + stop checking and looking for reassurance that you aren’t, the more you gain control over your actions and stop performing compulsions that end up playing into your fear. What will be will be. You may be needy. You may not be. In either case, you can’t control what happens, how people react or feel in response, and that’s okay! It’s just part of life.

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