Basically my good friend came out as bi. We were talking about how our parents would be if we said we had a boyfriend and she was like they wouldn’t be happy if she got a boyfriend let alone a girlfriend. I want to be supportive of her but when she said it I got wave anxiety and I feel like she might of thought I wasn’t supportive. So when ever I see her I feel like I have to be over happy like smiling and waving just so she doesn’t think I judge her which I don’t. Before hocd I just thought of being bi, gay, lesbian as normal as being straight even though my parents were homophobic and now I believe in my heart that but my brain has other things to say about it. So I don’t know what to do because I feel like I’m going back as this happened before when this other girl was bi, I would get such anxiety sitting next to her.

Okkk! So basically, part of me has accepted that I might be bi, and I’m ok with that because it’s not the worse thing ever. A few of my friends are bi, and being bi ultimately means I can love a wider range of people, which is great. So I don’t mind if I am. However I really really don’t wanna be a lesbian, and today I’ve had thoughts about being one. I’ve suddenly loss all attraction to guys which sucks. I feel like this is HOCD, but how do I know for sure if I don’t mind being bi?

So basicaly Two days ago I found a video on YouTube about astrology, and the woman speaking said smth like: you should look inside yourself because you have a tendency to ignore your own identity and your own true feelings. Instantly I thought of this endeavouring rumination about me being bisexual. Cause now I’ve kinda come to terms with the fact that in no way am I gay. So okay, the thing is, recently I’ve started to think that girls especially have an inclination towards bisexuality, mainly because they are affectionate with other girls. Bear in mind the fact that, since this hocd started, the lines between normal dating actions and behaviours between people are blurred to me. Now I realize that I am ruminating more and more this possibility of me being bisexual, but there are counter arguments like : I would never ever date a woman, I would never ever have sex with a woman and to me they are beautiful yes, they are sexy etc but I don’t want to do anything with them. Then, my consequent thought is maybe I have internalized homophobia idk. This is all soooo distressful and irritating and confusing. Deep down I know that I am a straight girl, but I feel guilty every time someone asks about my boyfriend because of these intrusive thoughts. It feels like I am lying to them, telling them that I am straight, when in fact I am not. Have you ever had such experiences?

I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?