Existential OCD - anyone else relate?

My OCD has bounced around to a lot of different topics but my current spiral has been focused on existential dread - I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying and not existing and about my own death and not existing anymore. OCD is trying to get me to find certainty in what happens after we die… and unfortunately I will NEVER be able to find certainty around this. This spiral started after the death of my beloved cat and then the almost death of my dog a week later. I think OCD attached to this idea that everyone and everything I love is going to die and I need to prepare myself for it and somehow KNOW what happens when someone dies. It’s panic inducing and really hard for me to sit with vs other OCD themes Ive had related to health, moral/hyper responsibility, etc. Anyone have this type of obsession around death of loved ones and how did you combat the intrusive thoughts and deal with the mental compulsions (rumination, avoidance, etc)?

ElusiveButte...

Date posted: Yesterday

I have struggled with this off and on for as long as I can remember. It is such a crippling topic to be hyperfocused on and for me it is difficult because it feels like such high stakes to not have a clear and definitive answer. While they’re wayyy more uncomfortable than with my other themes, uncertainty statements have still been really helpful for me with this although idk if it ever fully goes away.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

I still am just trying to not think too much about it:(

littleApple22

Date posted: Yesterday

I have been working on this. I thought at first, ERP could not fix this. How could it? I would never get an answer?!?? Well turns out, it does help! Try reading about it, sitting with discomfort and anxiety, getting professional help, and knowing that everyone has these thoughts, it’s just that you are clinging onto them because you feel more fearful and need certainty to lose the fear, but you can lose the fear and stop giving it power if you work on it and decide, you will never know and that’s okay. It’s just a simple thought, it can make you uncomfortable or anxious, but that doesn’t mean you have to feed into it!

Lunabuna

Date posted: Yesterday

hi! I have the same type of obsession and it’s really hard for me to break that cycle. For me I try to focus on the present moment. Uncertainty sucks especially when it relates to death. Unfortunately that is something we need to sit with. Instead of ruminating and avoiding take a second to remind yourself of the things in your life. Those loved ones are still alive and so are you. You can’t figure out death or when those around you will die and that’s okay. What you can figure out is what you so with your day, when you see your loved ones and how you spend time with yourself. Compulsions suck once that starts I always say f-off OCD leave me alone. Sometimes talking to it really helps. Uncertainty comes with OCD it’s all on how we sit with it

ConstantPain

Date posted: 23w

Dealing with a lot. Need support and company.

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

Kammy

Date posted: 20w

This is draining

I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.

Sosa2loud

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19w

Kind of Spiraling

Hi guys! I’m new to the community and I’ve recently received my OCD diagnosis (tho I’ve known about it since childhood). I’ve been somewhat spiraling lately as I wait for my first ERP session (hooray!) I was just wondering if any of you guys have received ERP for existential OCD and if it was successful? My existential OCD compulsions are more so mental and have been affecting me in the sense of dream/memory flashbacks and giving me a sort of “uncanny” feeling about everything around me. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you❤️

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Existential OCD - anyone else relate?

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