Existential OCD - anyone else relate?

My OCD has bounced around to a lot of different topics but my current spiral has been focused on existential dread - I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying and not existing and about my own death and not existing anymore. OCD is trying to get me to find certainty in what happens after we die… and unfortunately I will NEVER be able to find certainty around this. This spiral started after the death of my beloved cat and then the almost death of my dog a week later. I think OCD attached to this idea that everyone and everything I love is going to die and I need to prepare myself for it and somehow KNOW what happens when someone dies. It’s panic inducing and really hard for me to sit with vs other OCD themes Ive had related to health, moral/hyper responsibility, etc. Anyone have this type of obsession around death of loved ones and how did you combat the intrusive thoughts and deal with the mental compulsions (rumination, avoidance, etc)?

ElusiveButte...

Date posted: 12d

I have struggled with this off and on for as long as I can remember. It is such a crippling topic to be hyperfocused on and for me it is difficult because it feels like such high stakes to not have a clear and definitive answer. While they’re wayyy more uncomfortable than with my other themes, uncertainty statements have still been really helpful for me with this although idk if it ever fully goes away.

Strezzy

Date posted: 9d

@ElusiveButterfly Yes the high stakes is what gives me a big sense of urgency/panic. Ive been telling Janet (my OCD haha) different versions of… “yes I don’t know the answers and actually I won’t know them and I can’t do anything about it right now so please let me enjoy this moment thank you.”

Anonymous

Date posted: 13d

I still am just trying to not think too much about it:(

littleApple22

Date posted: 12d

I have been working on this. I thought at first, ERP could not fix this. How could it? I would never get an answer?!?? Well turns out, it does help! Try reading about it, sitting with discomfort and anxiety, getting professional help, and knowing that everyone has these thoughts, it’s just that you are clinging onto them because you feel more fearful and need certainty to lose the fear, but you can lose the fear and stop giving it power if you work on it and decide, you will never know and that’s okay. It’s just a simple thought, it can make you uncomfortable or anxious, but that doesn’t mean you have to feed into it!

Strezzy

Date posted: 9d

@littleApple22 I’m hopeful I’ll have your mindset better after I get through more ERP. I’m still just starting this journey!

Lunabuna

Date posted: 12d

hi! I have the same type of obsession and it’s really hard for me to break that cycle. For me I try to focus on the present moment. Uncertainty sucks especially when it relates to death. Unfortunately that is something we need to sit with. Instead of ruminating and avoiding take a second to remind yourself of the things in your life. Those loved ones are still alive and so are you. You can’t figure out death or when those around you will die and that’s okay. What you can figure out is what you so with your day, when you see your loved ones and how you spend time with yourself. Compulsions suck once that starts I always say f-off OCD leave me alone. Sometimes talking to it really helps. Uncertainty comes with OCD it’s all on how we sit with it

Stephen Smith

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9d

This is a similar type of obsession to mine

Strezzy

Date posted: 9d

@Stephen Smith I dont like JK Rowling anymore but I compare this subtype to harry conjuring a dementor when they do that boggart montage. Fear of fear and all that. Trying to answer and understand life’s biggest uncertainties by just RRRing it for hours of that day. Or maybe thats just me lol. I listened to a podcast episode about it tho and the therapist said that if we can conquer this one, a lot of the other subtypes will be easy to sit with if/when they come.

Sosa2loud

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Kind of Spiraling

Hi guys! I’m new to the community and I’ve recently received my OCD diagnosis (tho I’ve known about it since childhood). I’ve been somewhat spiraling lately as I wait for my first ERP session (hooray!) I was just wondering if any of you guys have received ERP for existential OCD and if it was successful? My existential OCD compulsions are more so mental and have been affecting me in the sense of dream/memory flashbacks and giving me a sort of “uncanny” feeling about everything around me. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you❤️

Draykewampler

Date posted: 14w

fear of death and ocd

so i have ocd but this is the main theme ive been dealing with for the last few months, im obsessed with my mortality and i feel trapped by the reality of death. i dont really believe in an afterlife which makes it scarier, not that i dont wanna my brain literally just wont let me. but i have daily panic attacks thinking about death all day, its honestly the toughest thing ive ever dealt with. does anybody have any tips on how they manage this if they have ever dealt with it? not looking for reassurance, just some non compulsive ways to kind of lessen the grip of the fear.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

Fear of change

Hey fellow OCD warriors! Wanted to ask if anyone else’s OCD tends to latch onto change and catastrophize with all kinds of worst-case scenarios. There’s a lot going on in my life, and even though they are all exciting things that I truly want and am happy about, I’ve had moments of deep fear at so much change happening and even a sadness that I can only think is a kind of grief of entering a new stage of life/a new me and leaving the old one behind. I am in my mid-20s and a lot of this centers around nostalgia and fear and intrusive thoughts of changes like my parents getting older, myself aging, friendships growing apart leading to loneliness, etc. I know I need to treat it as any other OCD flare-up and do ERP, but it also feels different than other OCD themes because I feel blue and like existentially sad. Even as a young kid, I always hated change and the thought of growing up (even if exciting things were happening) - like I cried when I turned 10 because I was leaving the single digits behind forever! 🤦‍♀️ I feel like I’m preemptively mourning things like losing my parents or my health even though I am healthy and my parents are too. I don’t want to waste the time I have ruminating about the future. I haven’t heard this kind of theme mentioned a lot so just wanted to see if any others could relate.

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Existential OCD - anyone else relate?

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