[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 21w
Killian666Killian666
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
hey man im sorry youre going through such a rough time right now. ive been in a similar position before. I used to SH in order to punish myself for things I perceived as my fault that I felt guilty over like my mom leaving when I was younger or even small things like saying or doing something awkward. the thing is no amount of punishing yourself will take away the guilt. the only way to really heal from it is to forgive yourself which is easier said than done. I dont know what you did or think you did that you feel guilty for but in my opinion there's not a lot of things so bad it warrants deserving death. death wont bring justice for your sins because in my opinion at least justice isnt just about punishment but also improving yourself and the world around you. if you really wanna bring justice to yourself for sins you believe you committed try doing something productive with this guilt like bettering yourself or doing something to help others, which has been something thats helped me. ive been doing volunteer work lately because it makes me feel that im worth something even when my thoughts tell me im a horrible person. you dont deserve death for whatever it is you did or think you did. there's always room for growth and change even if what you did really was bad. everyone makes mistakes, its part of being a human being. I hope you feel better soon mate, I hope this helps a little, sorry if im rambling. good luck!
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. Can I ask what you think justice is? I ask because I believe true justice is healing
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre What does being stuck in the cycle do, does that fix anything either?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre True but how does that fix what's happened in the past either?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre The fact you said mistake, rather than choice shows you knew it was innocent on some level. Yeah, we all make mistakes and some are worse than others, but if you're dealing with something you didn't know how to manage how is it justified to punish yourself for that? Do you want to vent about specific scenarios?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre Well you owned up to it and came clean, that's all you really can do. If you can't make up for it in the way you think, maybe pay it forward somehow. I feel like things like this are just lessons for us to be better next time
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre Do you feel like you can't forgive yourself more because you genuinely don't believe you deserve it, or because your values are a little out of balance?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre The majority of people with ocd have core values that are a bit extreme to the point that it's actually the cause of the ocd. Basically duality gone wrong
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre Maybe your values have betrayed you. I'm not saying what you did wasn't right or wrong, but the possibly the way in which you measure that judgement
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre I've been there. It's horrible when you are going through it. Are you receiving any therapy?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre What type of therapy are you doing?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre So just talking therapy? Are you planning on doing Cbt, or Erp etc?
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre You should ask as normal talking therapy makes ocd worse rather than better
Wolfram Wolfram
- Date posted
- 21w
@cemre That doesn't mean you don't show symptoms. Bring up the core value stuff at least, I did some stuff for that and it helped with similar themes to yours
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