Not looking for reassurance, just venting about how stupid OCD gets. Having a wild time with existential OCD at the moment. It started with me obsessing about what is going on in other people's minds. Not that I want to know what they are thinking, just how they are thinking - what it's like inside a head without OCD, is it quieter? Is that why other people like daydreaming and getting lost in thought? Then all of that philosophising lead me down a bad path and now my OCD is trying really hard to convince me that nothing exists outside my line of sight, the horizon is just an elaborate drawing and behind it is a black void. Obviously I know that's just ridiculous but it's hard not to feel like I'm losing my mind when I know that there is a world beyond my current line of sight but my OCD brain is trying it's hardest to convince me that there's not. Usually when existential obsessions come up it's because I'm going through a major life event but that's not the case right now so it beats me why this particular brand of obsessions has made an appearance again. Oh well.

I’ve been feeling extremely depressed because of my existential OCD. Even when i think of recovery and therapy, i feel like “what point is there in going back to how it was, or finding joy in things” there are moments when I do get happy and in those moments a thought pops up like “what even is anything” “what is existence” or “is death even real” and i’m also getting intrusive thoughts regarding my own consciousness which also gets very weird. All of this is accompanied by dissociation and apocalyptic feelings. It’s been 2 months since my ocd relapse. I have gotten better but when i acknowledge my progress, once again i feel like there’s no point. these thoughts/ feelings don’t feel like OCD but as if i’ve discovered some truth of life and now nothing will be the same. I haven’t started ERP yet, my therapist and i are currently more focused on ACT, acceptance and commitment (which is often given along side ERP) I will start ERP soon but i think all i’ll be focusing on is how dumb it is, and i know it’s not but it feels like i’m convinced it isn’t gonna work. I know this is classic OCD but it feels like this. I also deal with hyperawareness ocd (thinking about thinking taking place) and it makes me feel like there’s somebody in my head when, it’s quite literally my own inner voice that i’m sort of producing (?) I feel like it wouldn’t let me focus during erp and it all just feels so hopeless. I’m a minor and my parents are against medication and they talk about it like it’s the worst thing in the world which has heightened my fear of meds. I’m so sad and done with all this

Why is OCD so confusing? My obsessions upset me so much because the truth about them is quite concerning and depressing to me. So how is treating OCD going to help me when it feels like a REAL problem to me. What if I am never able to accept the uncertainty of my issues. It doesn’t even feel like an OCD problem to me…it feels like a reality problem. I’m not happy with reality and the truths about existence, so of course it’s going to make me sad. I guess it’s just my own mind though. My concerns and thoughts are REAL. If I could go back to not thinking about these certain things, my whole perception on life, myself, reality as a whole would be fine. I feel like people tell me it’s OCD but I don’t agree..yet I don’t actually know what the real problem is. What if I can’t accept reality? It’s such a terrifying feeling to have. I feel so crazy.

Hey y’all, does anyone else fear that the world is a simulation / nothing and no one is real? When my OCD flares up, I feel like I am being controlled / watched, like I’m on the Truman Show, and that everyone around me is a robot / simulation? It can be incredibly distressing and I’ve spent HOURS performing compulsions. At school, work, when trying to fall asleep.