- Username
- bluekit
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey Bluekit! First of all: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am not a professional but everything you’ve written here is quite common and expected for someone suffering from OCD with a pedophilic theme — ie POCD for short. It seems like you’re new to this so I’m going to provide a little reassurance even though you’ll learn that reassurance isn’t actually helpful in the long term: you are not a creep or weird or fucked up, you have OCD and all of your thoughts are exactly what people with your theme go through. As far as getting help goes, I have some good news: you do NOT have to tell anyone about the nature of your specific theme or thoughts in order to get help. Explain that you’re currently suffering from some mental health issues and it’s gotten to the point that you no longer feel able to manage it. Say you’ve done some research and would like to speak to an OCD Specialist. That parts important: even in the mental health world, OCD is widely misunderstood by non-specialists. That means you may have to go out of network for treatment or spend a little more money unfortunately, but it is absolutely worth it. Your OCD is highly treatable with the right help. Don’t let yourself needlessly suffer if you don’t have to. If there isn’t an OCD Specialist in your area, plenty of them now do online therapy, and there are even some available through this app. If your parents try to pry or tell you that you don’t need therapy, tell them that you aren’t comfortable discussing what’s going on just yet, and you hope they can trust you to know when you need help. Let them know that all you need is their support right now. Good luck with all of this. The first step might feel the hardest, but you’re there and it’s going to be fine. Treatment is very straightforward, your therapist won’t be phased at all by any of this, in fact they’ll have a bunch of other patients just like you. They will go at a pace that works for you and you’ll be better able to tackle this or any other theme on your own in the future. I’m not sure if you’ve heard this yet, but they say the flip side of every OCD theme is a value. Your POCD isn’t indicative of some underlying desire to hurt children, it’s actually a sign of how much you value children, innocence, and protecting those that can’t protect themselves.
Thank you!!! I’m in the UK as well so I’m not sure how available specialists are here , I have only just joined support groups as my other symptoms are really impacting me like I don’t know why I have this thing with symmetry at college when I’m writing and even while I’m typing now I’m touching one side of the keyboard way too much and I have to keep balancing it out ,writing fast seems to help, I have diagnosed BPD as well idk why I’m telling you this lolll I need help but I’m really ashamed to ask for it. Sorry I don’t make a lot of sense , thank you for your reply I appreciate it a lot
@bluekit Symmetry issues are super common with OCD. And many people have comorbid diagnosis. I have OCD and panic disorder. Now seems like the perfect time to get help! Try: https://iocdf.org/ocd-finding-help/find-help/ If you can’t see someone who’s private practice the wait list for treatment in the Uk can be quite long so do be sure to get on it ASAP. Going private is great though if you have the resources to afford it.
And, Breathe.... Your working yourself up. I can admit I get this alot and it makes me feel like a shit person. Remember your thinking these things because you know you don't want to harm anyone and these thoughts are actually just making you aware of that. There just 'what ifs'. Much love and appreciation. Stay strong ?
This is really common, any experienced ocd therapist will tell you and yes you can say it to your therapist, once they are good they have a reasonable understanding of ocd. In the meantime, if these thoughts bother, which they clearly do, you shouldn't worry. A real pedophile in my view, would not be upset at such thoughts, but remember, to try to prove ocd fears are not real, is a compulsion in itself. Trying to prove with 100% certainty that we are good people, is impossible, as most things in life have no absolute certainty and that is where ocd preys on us. I know how hard it is but with ocd it's not the content that's important, it's how we react to it.
i need help, if ANYONE can give me guidance PLEASE. I NEED IT. im a minor, i cannot tell my parents about these intrusive thoughts im having, so i cant get a therapist, nor can i get diagnosed. im scared i am a pedophile. i experienced a groinal feeling a couple days ago when i saw a picture of a little kid. I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS A KID AT FIRST, but i freaked out. i freaked you guys. i even unfollowed the account i saw the picture of the young cchild on. im so scared that i am a pedophile. i cant live like this. what if i am but im i denial? i cant do it. ive experienced something like this before. i had a thought and obsessed about it about it. but i even think back, what if i wasnt obsessing? i was constantly online looking for answer for the thought. i was constantly confessing the thought to my ex (the thoughts were about him) and im just terrified. AND THEN, I HAVE THOUGHTS THAT SAY “you are a p*do and thats okay” BUT I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. I DONT WANT TO THINK LIKE THAT. i just want to be a normal teen. i wanna be worry free. i dont want to be a pedo. i wannt be happy. please any guidance you can give me i need it. does it sound like POCD to the people who have experienced OCD? or am i in denial. i cant live with myself being a pedo.
goes I’m going to be brief and very detailed as possible ,I’m 26 female and I don’t know if it’s pocd or the real thing .okay so for starters I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression from as far as I can remember,I’ve dealt with bizarre thoughts in the past ,such as intrusive thoughts.I remember reading something about an high profile person getting caught up in cp and that made me start thinking about should I watch cp?.what is cp?.but I quickly realized that is something I didn’t want. To do and it was wrong .I’ve been watching porn since I was 11.it was normal porn but over the years I started watching different types But I have never watched CP.and don’t want to.i have never looked or touched an child sexually or thought about them in that way.I love kids I’ve always dreamed of being a mother,but sometimes I used to be nervous of the future like would I be a great mom or what if I abuse my child ?.different things .but fast forward when I used to masturbate I always think of celebrities who are 17,18 who are attractive but I never thought it was an problem because I would think it would be fantasy and that I wouldn’t actually do it in real life .and I have been doing this for 2 years now .but I noticed that when I’m near my god kids I start having thoughts like what if I touch him ? Or should I touch him but I always dismiss it and move on and feel bad afterwards because I have never thought about any kids that way.so fast forward a month after I masterbated .I was watching a documentary or something and it triggered me thinking I was an p and I start feeling guilty of all the things I’ve masterbated too and I have thought some stuff I’m not proud of .but it was like it was sudden and I couldn’t sleep And it was like it just kept replaying in my head to the point I started crying and overtime it subsided but I keep having these thoughts convincing myself I’m a p and yesterday I was near my godson and a thought popped in my head saying touch him touch him it was like an urge.but I resisted and I feel so bad because i love kids and now I don’t want to have any and I feel like killing myself I don’t know where these thoughts came from all of a sudden and why I couldn’t fight them off .I came across a photo of a preteen girl and while I was looking at the photo a thought popped in saying picture her in a bra and I immediately got disgusted and scared.I’m just on autopilot I’ve been googling and googling and just don’t know what to think .I’m just tired I’m just on the brink of tears and killing my self because I can’t accept that I’m this way .I’m so scared I don’t even want to leave the house or anything I was fine couple weeks ago now i don’t know who or what I’m doing I don’t have anyone to talk to I’m scared .it seems to be not as intense as it first was a Month ,but it still stays in the back of my mind ,I get urges seems real and want Me to do things I’m fighting,and it seems like my attraction to normal ppl have faded I’m having dreams about this situation,it seems I have arousal and when I have these thoughts I just want to cry because I don’t know how I got to this point.every time I see an photo of a kid I get an feeling in my stomach and I kinda get sick and my heart starts to race ,I keep googling signs of a p and now it seems I have moved on too teens I’m just to The point where I want to kill Myself,I don’t know what to do any more,I love children I’ve always wanted an family of my own but now not anymore.I’m stressed out and it seems to be all I think about is that I’m a p ,I can’t wake up Without worrying about ,it’s from The time I go to sleep to The time I wake up,I don’t know
it’s so wierd cos when i see a good looking child my pocd tells me i’m attracted to them bur it’s like a feeling and i feel really anxious and i try to convince myself i don’t find them attractive, but like i feel sick at the thought of like ever wanting to d anything sexual/ or be with them or anything, i just think there nice looking ir whatever, it’s nit even like thoughts anymore it’s more like false attraction/ intrusive feelings. please tell me someone else relates as i’ve been reading articles about p3dos and stuff as i thoight it would help me and it’s just triggerd me more and i cant even enjoy anything anymore as it’s all i can think about, i don’t ever want to be a p and it’s honestly the worst thing ever when will it all stop??
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