- Date posted
- 6d
Relationship and false memory ocd
ROCD: Hi all, I am brand new here. I have ROCD. Because of very long complex trauma and mistrust issues I have always thought that if I have a “perfect start” in my relationship I will be safe. A situation when two meet people meet and live happily ever after. I met my partner on hinge in Feb 2024- and at the time we were both attracted to eachother but things didn’t work out. He didn’t show up the way I needed him to and I was in a place in my life where I genuinely didn’t want to take any shit or settle or waste my time. He did keep reaching out but between stopping to reply to him in April and then later getting upset in June when I agreed to meet, and then he couldn’t make the time we had discussed- I was pretty frustrated for even giving him another chance and then just told him that that won’t work for me and I wasn’t really sure what to say. He stopped reaching out then. A couple months later he started reaching out again and I did ignore him but finally gave in in Nov 2024, decided to meet and then we started seeing eachother. We are both in a very very loving space and think it is a meant to be soulmate situation. We are in love. But my OCD has made me suffer to a point where my partner is also suffering. I was dating other people last year until we finally properly started dating and he didn’t date others but after the last time when I told him in June that I wasn’t sure what to say anymore and he stopped reaching out he did get with someone from his past a couple of times. I constantly get intrusive thoughts about why he stopped talking to me then, did he choose someone else over me, and everytime I think of that encounter he had with her I have a Panic attack. The truth is that he has never pursued anyone alongside or over me. He has told me that whenever I did give him a chance he always pursued me. He told me in June that when I responded the way I did he felt rejected, that I wasn’t interested, that I didn’t want him and so he stopped reaching out and tried to move on. He said that he obviously couldn’t stop thinking about me and even though he thought the door was shut he tried again later. He said the only reason he stopped reaching out was because he didn’t want to pester me when I clearly didn’t show any interest and thought he has lost his chance. I know for a fact that during that time I was in a boss girl era. In my I don’t settle for shit era and was so frustrated with his behaviour that I pretty much did want him to stop wasting me time and I was so done that there was no way I would have tried to make another time with him because I did think I deserved better. But my ROCD AND FALSE MEMORY OVD SAYS: did you actually shut the door? Did he just give up because you’re too much? Did he choose that girl over you? Why did he get with this girl ? What is your story? What is the reality and the truth? It’s consuming and messing me up. I know our story is as simple as boy meets girl- boy is going through stuff and girl doesn’t settle for what he can give at the time so doesn’t show interest and shuts the door. Boy really wants to pursue her but feels she doesn’t want him so tries to move on. They go their seperate ways, but later despite all odds the boy gains confidence to reach out again and after months of pursuit the girl finally agrees to another chance and when she does she doesn’t see the boy she initially shut the door on, she sees the man he has become and they fall deeply in love. It’s a Story of the girl who stood by her worth and value and never gave into anything less than what she deserved, and about a boy who worked very hard on himself and with perseverance and courage was able to finally show up for the woman he wanted to be with. It’s not a perfect story. And even though it’s beautiful MY ROCD gives me constant doubt and makes me feel constantly unsafe.