Can somebody PLEASE ANSWER? Okey so I have this big big hocd trigger for me. It all started when I get into masturbation and well I got addicted about it. I did it almost all the time etc. But then it turned into ritual/ compulsion. So I liked to watch video edits in instagram about my farvourite show once upon a time. The thing is I was so addicted to masturbate that I many times mastubated watching literally anything even it did not turn me on. My mind were like if I “cum” before this edit ends nobody does not die or I get happy life. The think is that one of my farvourite character was girl..like I forced myself to masturbate to edits of her even it did not make me like turned on. Like back then I did not know about sexuality I just knew I liked boys and I did still masturbated about them too but it was not like compulsion thing it was natural. But like I said there would be edit about her and it last maybe 30s. My brain was like if you ”come” before that you can have bf or you are gonna be pretty like her. The think is i forced myself to do it every single time. Back then i did not even think i was lesbian because of that because i had crush on boys etc and they turned me on irl. This make me think i HAVE TO be a lesbian or atleast bi like i can not be straight even i want to. I do not have any desire to be with women or do sexual things with woman ?? what you guys think? It would be nice if somebody answer :(

TheBigCahuna

Date posted: 5y

Sounds hella OCD to me

Asnku

Date posted: 5y

Yeah for me too like these believes I have to do it or this or that or etc happens:( it’s just it did not bothered me before this hocd started. It’s make me really think I can not be straight because of that even I see so much happiness having boyfriend. But at the same time this thing make me feel disgusted and guilty. Any ideas what to do?

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

You turned the act into a ritual and magical thinking. Which is already indicative of OCD. Now you’re revisiting the act and interpreting it through a HOCD lense. All of this points to OCD from beginning to end. But I think it’s important that you recognize that this is probably one of many memories you can use as “evidence” of your fears being true. Don’t comb through them one by one to disprove them. Accept all of the evidence as “maybe.” Maybe is not yes or no. It’s neither one more than the other. It’s just uncertainty. Accept “maybe” for every piece of “evidence” your brain comes up with and you’ll overcome OCD and see all of this more clearly, which will actually mean, you’ll see all of this as pretty meaningless.

Asnku

Date posted: 5y

Yeah like i never think like i wanna do something with her or etc it was like ritual to me but Yeah honestly triggers my hocd very much. It’s just my brain says that I can not think I am straight because this happened, even for me straight feels most likely to me. So can I still say I am straight or do I really have to say I am bi or lesbian even I don’t have desire with woman ??‍♀️

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

@Asnku You do not have to say anything about yourself that you don’t want to. Even if you HAD been with a woman in the past and enjoyed it, you could still identify as straight. Sexuality isn’t so black and white. People do things and try things outside their orientation all the time. But what your describing isn’t even that. It’s a ritual being misinterpreted by HOCD after the fact. Identify in whatever way you want. When you no longer have HOCD, you’ll realize that label doesn’t even really matter.

Asnku

Date posted: 5y

@pureolife Hey I wanna say thanks! That really helped me! It was like rock felled of my shoulder because my thoughst were saying I have to come out no matter what ;D

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