???

Ok I have had another person say just go have fun and don't worry about if there the one either. I'm sorry but what does it mean. I don't wanna really hookup with anybody. I'd rather we kinda know each or be dating atleast or a gf too.

@onedayaat Does that make sense? Cause I'm confused

@onedayaat If you would rather get to know the person because that makes you more comfortable then that's what you should do. There really is no rush. I was in my late twenties before my first.

Hay when you say compliments your life. Can looks play into the whole person of dreams thing. I obsess about facial features the most about people that I fancy. It's so confusing cause some girls I find hot but then other girls I find hot but not completely?

@onedayaat I wouldn't obsess over looks too much. You should be physically attracted to your partner but a lot of variables can go into that. A great personality can make you fall in love with physical characteristics that you may have otherwise not liked. I don't find moles on someone's face that attractive but my partner has one on her cheek and I love it and think it adds to her beauty because I'm in love with her as a person.

@FiddyK Yea, I don't nesscairly want to obsess over that stuff buy I unfortunately do. Its been a constant theme or obsession for me. And it's so annoying

@onedayaat I understand and I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Why do you think you may be focused on it so much?

@FiddyK Well idk if this is allowed to say. But it's a pretty big can of worms. Basically the simplist way I can explain it is. I have had lots of addictive behaviors with porn and idc if it's possible to get an addiction or not but I think you can. And with that I feel it has warped my mind in what I find attractive. So thankfully I've been able to tackle it and cut back alot to almost completely and I'm trying to pursue actual women now. But my fear is that if I don't find them attractive enough I won't be able to sexually perform or that my sexual related fears are true.

@onedayaat Porn is definitely addictive. I have dealt with it a little myself. It can absolutely warp your perspective and what you find attractive. I'm really glad you are trying to not use it anymore. It may take a little time but you will notice that your attraction will begin to shift in a positive direction. A good exercise is to try and identify attractive features or characteristics of women you encounter in everyday life and not in porn. You don't have to want to date any of those people but see if you notice anything that you see beauty in. Just a thought!

@FiddyK Yea I definitely have returned to a more natural attraction scale or whatever you wanna call it. Basically the only time I obsess it when it involves the woman's face. Most of the time their body is very pretty in all sorts of ways. And I sound like a really shallow person but I do care about personality. I just obsess about their face alot so I sound like a douche

@onedayaat Also when you are with someone, try to focus less on the visual and more on the physical sensations you feel and what they are feeling and the emotions you are experiencing. That way you connect sexual pleasure with what is happening and how it makes you feel rather than just what you see.

@FiddyK Well I have yet to get to that point but that's really good advice. It is difficult to apply that though. Thank you

@onedayaat Try not to beat yourself up. Porn often takes the best angles of a woman's face and hides the rest. If you saw any of those women in everyday life you could find something not to like. They also tend to have a ton of makeup on, more so than most women.

@FiddyK No trust me I'm way over all of that. Plus yea the makeup and the fake parts are honestly rather disturbing to me now. I tend to prefer the more natural or normal look. Stuff thag doesn't look as perfect if that makes sense. I just am have issues with picking a woman now too. My old had a patient she used as an example. The guy would cycle through channels trying to find the perfect thing to watch. And we used the same example with woman. I see all these pretty woman everywhere cause I'm 21 for one thing and I live in a college town. So then I get overwhelmed and can't pick any then I get sad cause I'm back at square one. So every rare while I get the chance I apply my moral compass and my values and focus on her only untill it either goes good or fades away. I've yet to have it go good obviously 🥲 but I will keep trying until it happens. Which I hope it does eventually 🫠